The Captive
by Miss-Beann
Summary: What if James had wanted more from Bella than to simply kill her in Twilight? The story of Bella's life after James kidnaps her. Rating for dark themes and references to violence.
1. Chapter 1

**Okayy. Soo, I couldn't get this idea out my head. It's just a preview here really to see what sort of reaction this gets.  
I'm not used to writing this genre, and this story is the complete opposite of my other one on this site, give it a chance and see though?  
I've said this before and I'll say it now, I don't own Twilight.  
**

**Prologue**

I breathed a sigh of relief, much like I did every time he left me here alone now.

To any normal person who had been left alone in the deepest darkness, it would initiate tension, wariness, maybe even fear. Not relief. But I was different.

I was being held captive. By a vampire. Every time he left, I was able to think freely. I didn't need to keep watch for what he might do next. I could reminisce about happy memories or think about the people I missed. The people who were looking for me.

My parents would be devastated, that was obvious enough. A mixed reaction from my new school friends, mostly due to the fact they don't have a clue what's happened, though I'm sure there are already rumours of some unexplicable nature being spread. The Cullens, the only seven people - if you can really call them that - who know the severity of the situation, probably felt guilty for getting me involved with vampires in the first place. Especially Edward.

_Oh, Edward._ I wished desperately that - were I to be found - he would be the one to find and rescue me. Though I missed everyone I left behind, I - almost ashamedly - craved for Edward's presence the most, his protective arms assuring me that everything would be okay and that I'd get through this. My memory of him was becoming more unclear everyday. I'm almost certain the sound of his voice was much different than I remember it - more musical I was certain - and when I pictured his face, half of his features were certainly undefined. I missed the topaz colour of his eyes and the bronze shade of his hair. If I was able to see colour at all now, those would be the colours I went in search for first.

A tear managed to escape from my eyes before I was able to stop it.

With a shaky hand, I wiped it away.

I was unsure of how long it would be before James came back, and I was not going to risk showing him weakness.

My fingers lingered on my cheeks. The sting that erupted from even my feather light touch reminded me of what happened the last time James had witnessed me cry. I hadn't seen this mark, yet I was sure that I had a bruise covering that part of my face.

I leaned my back against the wall and wrapped my arms around my knees as though they had the ability to protect me from whatever my captor threw at me.

I sighed and closed my eyes. It was only a matter of time now until he returned.


	2. Chapter 2

**I decided to give this story a shot, thanks to reviewers and those who added it to alerts or favourites.  
I don't own Twilight.**

**Chapter 1**

I was shitting myself, but I knew that coming here was the right thing.

I needed to end this stupid game that James was playing. I had to save my Mum. Save the people I loved from this mess and try my damned hardest to prevent anything else like this happening. So if it took me sacrificing myself to protect everyone else, I'd do it.

Maybe my death would be quick and painless.

Unlikely perhaps, but no reason not to hold out hope.

I stood pacing outside the ballet studio I had come to so many times as a child. I had never had any reason to fear this place before. It used to be a place where children would go to dance, have fun, learn. Not anymore. Not to me at least. This was now the place I would most likely die. Not particularly comforting.

I took a deep breath, filling my lungs with oxygen - almost savouring it - and opened the door to the entrance before finally exhaling. So few breaths left. I didn't realise I'd be so afraid of death, so worried about the number of breaths I had left to take. Maybe it was because I knew for sure they were numbered.

I looked towards the double doors that must have hidden the room Alice had described from her vision.

I walked hesitantly towards the doors and closed my eyes.

_Inhale. Exhale._

I pushed the doors open; there was no way of stalling the inevitable any longer.

No one was here. Not that vampire, James, not my Mum, not anyone who could help me.

I shut the doors and closed my eyes. I didn't want to see when it happened. I wanted to be a surprise of sorts - as long as I was able to get his assurance that my Mum was safe, I didn't care anymore.

"You were wise enough to come alone. I'm glad." I jumped at the voice behind me, though still kept my eyes closed. It was velvety, like every other vampire I had met, yet there was a menacing edge that scared the shit out of me.

"Where's my Mum?" I managed to whisper. My voice was hoarse, I hardly recognised it. I had to ask though, this was the most important thing right now, to make sure this wasn't for nothing.

"Oh she's safe in Florida where she's always been." he said with a dark laugh.

This was a trick then. My breathing was becoming faster, heavier. I was hyperventilating. I'd been tricked. I fell for it and now I was going to die and I hadn't even fought back - not that it would do any good.

I didn't say anything, I didn't dare. I would let James get on with it.

"Open your eyes, Isabella." He whispered suddenly.

He was close. A lot closer than he had been before. I took another deep breath and opened my eyes.

I couldn't hold back my scream. His face was mere inches away from mine, his threatening, horrifying blood red eyes were peering into mine. There was a hint of humour hidden within their fiery depths.

He laughed that horrid laugh once again that made me shiver, definitely not in a good way, "I think you need to relax."

I licked my lips and whispered, not having found my voice, "Please… just let me go, kill me, just hurry up." I knew I was begging, but it was a last resort

A small smile crept to his thin lips and he stood to his full height. Holy shit, he was terrifying. He wasn't particularly big built but he was tall, maybe around the same height as Emmett. Put that together with those eyes alone and even the toughest human would have shit a brick on the spot.

"Why would I do that?" He looked at me expectantly, almost as if he was daring me to answer. I stayed silent, not wanting to make him mad.

He furrowed his eyebrows at me and began circling me, inspecting me as though I was some piece of artwork. After making his way round me several times he came to stand in front of me again, still smiling. It wasn't comforting in the least.

"Very nice, Isabella," he paused briefly, "Oh wait, you prefer Bella don't you. Bella," he said slowly testing the sound, "it suits you. I think I'll be sticking to that then." he paused again and bought his face close to mine once more. His cool breath was on my face, it was sweet smelling like Edward's - must be a vampire thing - and his eyes were boring into mine again, "You know, you're a pretty little thing, no wonder Cullen was so protective of you."

My breathing picked up again. Though in some sick, twisted way that could be seen as a compliment, coming from him it was disturbing. He looked at me as though I was something to eat and to be honest he sounded a bit more like a pervert than someone giving a random friendly comment.

He moved his nose to skim my neck. I was frozen in place, scared that even the slightest move would mean the end of my life.

His face moved closer and I figured maybe that didn't matter anymore; he was obviously going to kill me now. His teeth were so close to my neck. I don't know how much longer he was going to wait, but I don't know how much more of this I could take.

He opened his mouth and his cool breath hit the side of my neck in waves and something wet touched me there. It took every ounce of determination I had not to do something stupid right then.

"Hmmm… smells delicious. Your skin too, it tastes just as good as you smell, maybe even better." _Oh God, the wet thing was his tongue,_ "I have to wonder how the Cullen's have resisted temptation for as long as they have." I let out a whimper, because he obviously wasn't interested in resisting anything like them.

"Aw poor baby," he cooed in a creepily condescending tone, "don't worry, I don't want to taste your blood just yet. There's so much I don't know about you. I want to learn." he kissed my neck.

I shivered. What was he doing? It felt unbelievably wrong, whatever it was. If he was human, I would have slapped him round the face. That would do me no good here though.

I licked my lips. As inevitable as death was now, I wasn't ready to die.

Perhaps, if I could prolong the outcome, I could learn to accept my fate in time.

_Deep breath in. Deep breath out._

In a shaky, quiet voice I pleaded, "Please don't do that. Stop. I'll do whatever you want, just don't do that." I closed my eyes, not wanting to see his reaction.

"Open your eyes. I don't want to keep telling you." He ordered in a calm voice.

I couldn't do it; my body wasn't reacting. I desperately wanted to just open my eyes and get whatever this thing was over with. But I was too scared to look at him and maybe my subconscious was preventing myself from facing my fear.

The worst time this could happen, typically. I was uneasy now that I couldn't see him. What was I thinking when I closed my fucking eyes?

He growled threateningly and snapped, "Open your eyes bitch!"

My eyes finally flashed open and he smiled at me. "Good girl," he started stroking my hair as though I was a dog, "you have soft hair, pet, I'm pleased. It's gorgeous."

I grimaced at his choice of words. Right then, I really did feel like his 'pet'.

His hand continued to stroke my hair for several minutes more before he pulled his hand round to my chin and lifted my face up slightly and looked deep into my eyes. I hope he wouldn't do this too often. I hated his eyes.

He leaned in slowly and kissed me chastely on the lips, they didn't respond, but my eyes went wide. I wasn't expecting that at all. He narrowed his eyes at my reaction - or lack thereof - and pursed his lips.

"We're going to have to work on that my pet. No matter." He stated simply.

His words had me even more nervous than I already was. 'we'll have to work on that'? Did that mean he was planning to keep me around? If so, what for? How the hell could I be of use to a vampire who had made it pretty clear before he wanted me dead?

It wasn't looking too good for me at all.

First, he was calling me his pet.

Second, he was yelling and telling me what to do.

Third, he was smelling and kissing me and I had no idea what it meant. Though, I was pretty sure this was going to become a more common occurrence. I should probably work on my reactions; keep him happy.

He leaned in again and I prepared my lips for any contact that he may give, but instead he lifted me up and cradled me in his arms. I couldn't stop myself as a frightened squeak passed my lips and he laughed quietly, I could feel his chest vibrating against my side. He stroked my arm with his thumb and commented, "Don't worry my beautiful pet, I won't cause you any harm."

His words did not bring reassurance, there was no way I believed him, though maybe I had a few more breaths than I originally imagined. I sighed.

_Breathe in. Breathe out._ I would be taking more notice of my breathing from now on. If I was breathing, it meant I was alive. I had never felt more grateful for my lungs in my entire life.

James leaned down and kissed my forehead and whispered forebodingly, "We're leaving. Don't move, don't make a sound and we'll get to where we're going faster. Do as I say, or you'll regret it."

I nodded, not wanting him to get mad while he was holding me - there was no telling what he could do - and we took off running at vampire speed to somewhere I would probably spend the rest of my life.

However long that will be.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 2**

I must have drifted off to sleep as we ran; the surroundings we were in were unrecognisable and there was no way we were still in Phoenix. Or anywhere near it for that matter.

He must have known that I was awake by now, though he didn't pay any notice to me.

I turned my head to look forwards - it was still light, though much later than it was when we left the ballet studio. It was probably late afternoon. My head was full of new questions.

Where were we? How long until we got to wherever we were going? Could I eat soon?

I sighed heavily in irritation and James halted in his tracks. I bit my lower lip, concerned as to why he stopped so suddenly. Looking up, I saw him looking around, smelling the air. Had he caught an unknown scent?

Would he get mad if I asked? Probably. I figured I'd keep my mouth shut.

He looked down at me briefly and appeared to be deep in thought. After several moments, he shifted me in his arms so the bulk of my weight was held in his left arm and covered my eyes with his large right hand.

My breathing became heavier again, I didn't like not being able to see, especially not in this situation, I was worried about what it is he might do.

"Relax." he commanded in that calm yet firm voice.

I licked my lips and concentrated on stabilising my breathing. After several minutes it was back to normal and he moved forward, though this time only at a human pace. He used his thumb of the hand covering my eyes to caress my temple.

"Good girl, Bella." he whispered in a voice so low I was only just able to hear it, "We're almost here," _where was here?! _"but you don't need to see where we are, so you won't."

From the frequency of his footsteps it sounded as though he was now running at human speed. How I didn't budge an inch as he ran was beyond me, but I wasn't going to complain.

The next thing I knew, he had placed my feet on the floor - hand still covering my eyes - and he was guiding me from behind.

Wherever we were, it was a little cold, not exactly freezing but cold enough to be uncomfortable in the t-shirt and khaki shorts I had chosen to put on this morning. I wondered if James realised it was so cold, but then figured he didn't care either way and that I was going to have to learn to be comfortable in this. The floor beneath my feet was solid and uneven. I assumed that it wasn't something generally used indoors - hell, I didn't even know if were indoors, but I guessed it would be easier to hide out in a confined space. There was an odd smell - ash with a hint of something I couldn't work out - that was getting stronger as we moved in this direction. There was no noise besides my footsteps. I hated that vampires were able to be sneakily silent, it usually startled me, but now it made my stomach churn. I didn't know why, I knew James was there blinding me, but there was nothing normal about this situation.

We continued to walk slowly as I felt his nose skim along my shoulder to my neck and back again, probably smelling me some more. He completed that circuit with his nose three times before he pulled his nose further up my neck passed my ear and rested in the hair on the side of my head above said ear. His lips must have been hovering by it, I could feel his breath tickling it. I didn't understand why he was breathing at all anymore, but I refrained from asking any questions. My curiosity was going to have to wait.

"Hold your arms out in front of you." He whispered.

I gulped loudly - he must have heard it - and did as he told me to.

"Good girl," I hated him calling me that - it was condescending, patronizing and the way he said it sent chills down my spine. "Now your hands are about to hit something solid. When they do, don't move." he paused and my hand came into contact with the obstacle. It was colder than the room and from the rough texture it felt like brick. James removed his hand and took a step back from me. I could see that I was in fact in contact with a brick wall, inside, in a very dark room - I could only just see.

"Turn around and stand with your back against the wall." He demanded in a no nonsense tone.

Very slowly, I turned and leaned against the wall. I could just about see his outline about a metre away from me. I realised then that I was biting my lower lip hard. I managed to soften the grip my teeth had on it so I didn't withdraw blood, although it was close.

"Interesting." he said and I furrowed my eyebrows, causing him to laugh, "Why do you do that?" he asked.

"Do what?" I murmured.

He sighed, "Why do you furrow your eyebrows so?"

I had forgotten that vampires could see clear as day in the dark. That must have been why he'd bought me here - so that he could have the advantage over me. It was unnecessary, he had complete advantage over me anyway. He had the strength, speed, reflexes and hearing far beyond my own without this.

I licked my lips and took a deep breath, hoping my voice wouldn't fail me, "I'm… confused." I admitted. I didn't care if that wasn't the right thing to say, I had said it and I wanted to know what was so interesting.

He came to stand in front of me and grasped the top of my arms in his hands, bringing his eyes to the same level as mine - I briefly wondered why he did that, but pushed the thought to the back of my mind. Even the darkness did nothing to dull the colour of red in his eyes. They still stood out over everything else and with the lack of light, the looked as though they were detached from his face. It may have been comical if I didn't know the reason for their colour or if the situation was different. Or maybe not.

"I don't want you to be confused, pet. Why are you bewildered?" His voice held no emotion, it sounded dead.

"I.. um.." I took a deep breath and closed my eyes, I couldn't speak when his red irises were looking deep into me, "I just wanted to know what was so interesting." I sounded stupid, I knew, but I couldn't see what could be found so fascinating in the predicament we were in.

He released my arms from his rough, iron grip, "Will you fucking open you eyes," he snarled and I did. I noticed he had moved back to the place he was stood before he had approached me. "Good. You will not fucking close your eyes when we are conversing, understand?" I nodded and he picked up where he left off, "Next time, I will punish you severely." _that doesn't sound good, "_I just noticed how brave you are. You haven't screamed yet, you don't flinch… much, you came to me when I told you to. You're taking this whole situation in your stride. I find it intriguing."

I didn't respond. I simply shrugged my shoulders and hung my head, making sure I kept my eyes looking up at him as I did so in case he felt the need to punish me for lack of eye contact as well.

I didn't know if I agreed with his statement or not. Of course, you have to be brave to involve yourself with vampires - intentionally dangerous or not - but that didn't mean I was actually, genuinely brave. This was me doing what I felt was right without trying to protest against something unpreventable.

"You must be hungry." He commented and I bobbed my head, hoping he'd realise that was a confirmation, "I'll get you something." I wasn't sure why he was feeding me. Well, I wasn't sure why he was doing anything, but I was running low on energy and simply slumped down onto the floor.

He walked through a door pulled it to so a slither of light was coming in. it did nothing to lighten the room, but the fact that there was light comforted me some what.

I supposed we were in a house of some sort. It was the only explanation I could come up with. This particular room was empty if you didn't take me into account. There was no window that I could see, and if there was one, it was probably bordered up so I couldn't try and escape or even see out.

James re-entered the room carrying what looked like a bowl and handed it to me. It was warm and I smelled it and sampled a spoonful - it was chicken soup.

"Where did you get this?" I asked in a soft voice.

"That doesn't matter. I stocked the house hoping you would come to the ballet studio. It seems it wasn't a waste of my time." he paused and in a hard voice asked, "Aren't you going to thank me?"

"Thank you."

"Good." He leant down and patted my head and I fought to keep a grimace off my face. He knelt down in front of me and lifted my face with his hand.

"Now, I will leave you undisturbed until morning. When you have eaten, you will leave the bowl next to the door. In the morning I will collect it and bring you more food. You are going to have to sleep on the floor, it won't be comfortable but you will get used to it. I will know if you try to leave, I suggest you don't. if you at any time need to… relieve yourself, you will call for me first. Do you need to now?" I shook my head. Did that mean he would simply escort me, or that he would actually come in and watch me? I cringed but he either didn't notice or chose to ignore it and continued, "Okay. I'll leave it at that for now. I have more to inform you of, but I will hold off until morning."

I looked at him briefly and nodded.

He leaned in and sniffed my neck again as I struggled to stay still.

He placed a kiss on my neck before licking it and placing a kiss on my lips. Like the last time, I was unable to respond and I could just about see him narrow his eyes.

"Still something we need to work on." he noted and swiftly left the room.

I sighed and wiped my eyes. Tears were threatening to escape but I would not - could not - let them. I needed to keep my brave façade up or it could be it for me.

I inhaled my soup and placed the bowl down by the door as he instructed and lay down in the foetal position where I had been sat before. I was already uncomfortable and I could tell this was going to be a long night.

I wasn't tired enough to fall asleep and there was nothing else to do but think. I let my mind wander briefly to my friends and family, but didn't linger on them as I knew if I did I would become hysterical.

Instead, I focused on James' odd behaviour.

His mood and behaviour towards me changed constantly. One minute he would be yelling at me and telling me what to do, patronizing me and giving me rules. The next, he would be feeding me and kissing me and complimenting my smell.

I think the kissing was probably the worst thing.

He has said - twice now - that my response to his kisses needed to be work on. It definitely would be a common occurrence, I could see that now. Would it go further than that? Would he force me to do more that I didn't want to? I could tolerate the kisses - I really could - as long as that was all he gave. I had a feeling in the pit of my stomach that this could be very mild compared to what was to come.

Also, there was his threats for punishments. What would they be? I knew he would follow through with them if I disobeyed him.

I ran my hand over my face and yawned.

I placed my cheeks against the cold, concrete floor and tried - and failed - to picture it as Edwards perfect, marble chest and waited for sleep to take me and give me a few hours of escape.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 3**

My eyelids fluttered open. It was still quite dark in here and the whole of my right side hurt. That was probably the worst nights sleep I'd had for a very long time.

I sat up tentatively and rubbed my eyes. There was a small hint of light coming in through the crack in the door. It was probably still quite early, though why he even had the lights on was beyond me. I assumed it was probably to show me what I was missing out on while in here.

I pressed my back against the wall and lay my legs out in front of me. I was already bored and I had been here less than 24 hours. I actually wanted James to come in, just to give me some interaction.

I absentmindedly began tapping my fingernails on the floor, creating a rhythm.

The door was flung open and James stood there looking pissed and growled, "Do you know how annoying that is? Stop it, now!"

I pulled my hands onto my lap, looked up at him and whispered, "Sorry."

He nodded and disappeared for the shortest time before returning with a glass and a plate. The door hadn't even had time to swing shut again, he was that fast.

He placed the items down beside me and I thanked him before allowing myself to look. On the plate lay two pieces of dry toast piled on top of each other. I grabbed one of the slices and took a large bite out of it. The taste wasn't particularly satisfying and made my mouth feel dry but I was thankful for the food; I hadn't eaten a proper meal in two days.

I looked at the glass. It was full nearly to the rim of what looked like orange juice. Just as I was about to pick up the glass, my body became aware of a need which needed to be seen to first.

I really didn't want to ask, but I had to; I was desperate for a piss. I hadn't gone since yesterday morning and my bladder was feeling the pressure, it was almost a little painful and I couldn't wait anymore. Just as he was about to leave, I managed to find my voice, "Um, James… can I, err…" I started awkwardly then in such a rush that it came out sounding like all one word, "gotothetoiletplease?"

He looked at me from across the room with a raised eyebrow and a sly grin on his face, before he nodded and signalled me to go to him with his finger.

I walked up to him and he covered my face with his hands, distorting my vision once again. We walked through the house much as we had done yesterday.

He pulled his hands away from my eyes and I noticed we were in a small, well lit bathroom. My eyes had to adjust to the light, my room was far too dark. In the corner behind the door, was the toilet. In the corner beside it, stood a shower with a plastic door preventing water from escaping. There was a rounded bath tub that lay across the wall opposite the door and the sink stood next to it at the end of the room, directly opposite the toilet. Everything was sparkling clean and chrome white, which matched the blue and white tiling of the floor and walls.

James went and stood beside the bath and crossed his arms. I waited for him to leave, but he simply raised his eyebrows and nodded down at the toilet behind me.

Oh my God, he was actually going to stay here. This had to be some kind of sick joke. I just wanted to pee - in peace I might add - was that so much to ask? It's not like he I was going to witness anything of great importance. I don't care if he couldn't remember what it was like to use the toilet. If he was checking that I wasn't going to escape, couldn't he just… listen through the door? I guessed not. I just hoped he would take his eyes off me when I did it. It was going to be awkward enough without being observed.

His eyebrows were still raised but his eyes had wandered down to my hands, where they were frantically undoing my shorts fast enough so that I could just get this over with as soon as possible. I hooked my thumbs into the top of my shorts and panties and slowly inched them down off my hips - keeping my eyes trained on James - until I noticed him lick his lips.

I took a deep breath, "Do you really have to watch me?" I asked shyly.

His eyes flickered briefly to mine, "Nope." he replied simply and returned his eyes to look back at my crotch anyway.

I held my eyes shut for several seconds, willing myself not to freak out. Once I had calmed down, I focused my eyes on the wall opposite me. I bent my legs so my ass was hovering over the seat, lowered my shorts so I was no longer covered up and sat down on the toilet. I looked over to James to see if he was still watching me. He had sat on the side of the bath tub with his elbow on his knee with his face cradled in the palm of his hand. He was staring at me the same way a child would gaze at a shiny object.

Eventually, after I got over my new found stage freight - for lack of a better word - I was able to relieve myself while ignoring the strange, terrifying vampire staring at me. No longer able to feel coy about it, I stood straight up, my clothes hung round my knees and pulled them up so I was wearing them properly.

I turned round to flush and immediately felt James' hand land hard on my behind, making me jump. I turned to face him wide eyed and he just grinned.

I didn't know what to do after that, we were just stood there in very close proximity staring at each other and - on my part - feeling unbelievably awkward. He reached behind me and I cringed away from him; I thought he was going to try kiss me again. The action was unnecessary as he merely put down the toilet seat and pushed me down by my shoulders to be seated. I crossed my legs and folded my hands on my lap. James looked me over and seemed to decide he didn't like the way I was sat and rearranged the position of my limbs.

He uncrossed my legs and pushed my knees apart so my legs were spread open, making my breathing erratic. He then took my hands from where they rested and held them in his as he knelt down between my knees. I was certain that if my hands were free from his grasp, they would be shaking.

His thumbs traced patterns on the back of my hands in an attempt to calm me, though it was useless.

"Calm down my precious, beautiful pet. I don't _want_ to cause you harm." He said in a soothing voice, though I was far from comforted.

Did that mean he was going to punish me now then? Why?

I didn't respond to him in any way so he sighed and continued talking, "I want to talk to you now pet, regarding my rules. So far you have behave exceptionally well, but you still have things to learn. Things you need to know about me…" he trailed off.

I sat in complete silence waiting to hear what he had to say.

Abruptly, he pulled me down by my hands to sit between his legs on the floor where he still sat on his knees. He turned my body so my back was turned towards him and he laced his fingers in my hair, running his hands through it.

"Better." He said, "As I was saying, there's some things that you should know. A few rules you must abide by - besides the ones I told you of last night." he paused to sniff my hair with his nose pressed against my head, "First off, you will not cry in my presence. Tears mean you are unhappy and I do not wish to see you unhappy. If I ever do see you cry, I will give you something real to cry about.

"Secondly, as you probably figured out on your way to the bathroom, you will not be allowed to see any part of the house besides this room and the one you will be staying in. I may over time introduce you to other rooms of the house, but for now, this is enough.

"Something that has been bothering me since I took you is that you are very unresponsive. I realise this is very early days, but I don't want to wait too long for you to co-operate. When I want to touch you, you will not flinch away from me, you will allow me to. Any response you may have will be positive - especially to my kisses. I do not expect an automatic response straight away, but soon. Very soon.

"I think that's it. I may remember something later though. Do you comprehend what I am telling you?"

Basically, this meant I was not allowed to express my negative emotions, especially not around him, I have to stay completely isolated in this house except for the two rooms I am allowed in and I must let him touch me up if he wants to and pretend to like it. Do I get it? "Yes."

He smiled, "Good. Are these acceptable wishes?" he asked.

No. "Yes."

"Oh." He exclaimed, "One last thing. Should I refer to you as 'pet', you will refer to me as master. Should I refer to you by name… well I suppose you may refer to me by my name as well."

_Master? _Great… I thought sarcastically.

He stood up and towered over me looking down at my frame for a second before telling me to stand. I stood up swiftly and he brushed my hair back.

He leaned down and pressed his lips against mine. I didn't respond immediately and he held his lips on mine just as still. Finally, I managed to take control of my body and willed myself to kiss him back. My kiss was hesitant, and his lips took dominance, moving roughly against mine. He placed his hands on the back of my head and pushed closer to him - if that were possible - his lips much more firmly against mine now. He forced his top lip into my mouth by pulling my lower lip out gruffly with his tongue, which then went to lick it, back and forth. Tasting it.

I don't know how long the kiss lasted, minutes or seconds, but not soon enough he pulled away and pulled his hands away to rest at his sides. My arms - which had been hung down limply - came up to fold across my torso, to create my own bubble with my arms.

He smiled a small smile at me and moved behind me again; I assumed we were going to be going back to my room now.

He covered my eyes with his hand again and guided me with his free hand on the small of my back.

We re-entered my room and he pushed me against the back wall where I had been sleeping beside my breakfast. He in turn pressed himself against me and pressed his nose back into my neck as he stroked my hair. I blinked furiously not letting myself cry as I waited for him to get bored.

He pulled away and turned and left without looking back at me or saying a word. I lowered myself to a sitting position and drank my juice in one go.

I felt violated. He had been able to watch me and touch me in ways that I wouldn't normally allow. It was all because I was afraid of being hurt. Afraid he would try and hit me or worse.

I looked over to the door, making sure it was shut and that James was definitely no longer in here.

I let out a shaky breath and let all my held back tears fall.

James said I couldn't cry in his presence. He was not present now.


	5. Chapter 5

**Important Stuff… I'm off on holiday in a couple of days and this is going to be the last chance I get to update for a couple of weeks. Hopefully this should keep you going until then though.  
Enjoy... =]**

**Chapter 4**

If I was guessing right, I had now been in here for about five days, though it seemed like a lot longer than that.

James had settled into the routine of brining me breakfast when he heard me moving around in the mornings, taking me to the bathroom, leaving me to be bored for a couple of hours, bringing me lunch, kissing me, leaving me alone again, bringing me dinner, taking me to the bathroom and leaving me alone for the night. It was highly monotonous to say the least.

I noticed as the days went by that the portions of food he bought me got a little bigger. It was probably how I had managed not to suffer from hunger yet, so at least that was a plus.

My form of entertainment had become pacing up and down the small, dark room. I seemed to end up doing it unconsciously after only several minutes of being alone. It was something to do and I was getting worried about going insane in here if I was completely honest.

More nights than not I would cry myself - silently - to sleep. I was fed up of being here, despite the short period of time I've spent here so far; I was bored almost constantly, I had very few conversations with James, I was stuck with a vampire who was telling me what to do and I missed my friends and family.

Hell, I even missed Lauren, and that had to be saying something.

I was currently in that little period of time between breakfast and lunch and I was out of my mind with boredom. I attempted to hum my lullaby Edward composed for me, but it was no where near as good as the original. I kept trying anyway, just so I could focus on something happier.

The door to the room opened slowly and James stood holding a plate and a glass of water. He placed them down in front of me wordlessly and I thanked him softly. The sandwich he had given me was overflowing with lettuce, tomato and what looked like bacon. I ate it greedily and wiped any crumbs off my face with the back of my hand.

I put the crockery to one side and stood up knowing that the kiss was next to come. In the last couple of days, I was able to improve my responses to them by imagining it was Edward I was kissing. It helped that they were both hard as stone and cold as ice and if my eyes were closed I could picture Edward's face.

Every day, James pushed the boundaries for our kisses that little bit further, making them last longer as they became more intense. He hadn't really tried to touch me yet - which I was thankful for - other than my hair and other innocent places.

Instead of coming straight for me like I had expected, James backed away so he was leaning against the door frame with his arms crossed. I turned my head to the side, looking at him curiously, trying to work out what was different about today.

He looked me up and down, all over my body before returning his gaze to mine and he smiled shrewdly. "Strip." he ordered.

I didn't - even though that was bound to make him furious - and instead simply gaped at him with wide eyes. I didn't understand why he wanted me to strip. Was he actually going to really touch me now? Maybe he was going to rape me. Fuck I hoped not. Maybe he would just look at me, there would be no harm in that… in comparison to everything else.

I cleared my throat and without thinking, whispered the worst possible question I could ask at this point: "Do I have to?"

In less than a second, he had ran to me, held me up by my arms so my feet were dangling above the floor and pinned me against the wall. His angry snarl could only mean that he didn't want questions, only for me to comply with his command.

I took several deep breaths and loosened up my muscles to compose myself. I looked deep into his dulling red eyes and pleaded, "Okay, okay, I'll strip just put me down. Please?"

"You will not tell me what to do, Isabella." he said in a deep, ominous voice.

I nodded to show I got the picture and kept my mouth shut. When he was satisfied that I wasn't going to protest anymore, he planted my feet back on the floor. He went back to stand in his original spot and made sure his face was blank and expressionless. I licked my lips, not knowing if I should take my clothes off yet and he nodded for me to start.

With shaking hands, I swiftly pulled my shirt over my head, keeping my gaze intent on my clothes. I dropped the top down on the floor in front of me then pulled down my shorts, throwing them down to join the shirt, forming a small pile. I looked down at my underwear clothed body and slid my panties off - he had seen me without them before - and kicked them away from my near trembling body. I took two deep breaths and reached behind me to unclasp my bra. I tried for a minute but my hands were shaking and my attempts to rid myself of it were ineffective.

"Turn around." He insisted. I watched him come closer to me as I turned so my face was inches away from the wall.

I felt his hands easily unclasp the bra and it hung loosely by the straps on my shoulders. His hands ran from my mid-back, up to my shoulders and squeezed them. His hands drifted lightly down my arms, pulling the straps down as he did so. He grabbed the flimsy material and I think he threw it behind him before turning me back around by my waist.

I looked down at the floor, blinking away the threatening tears before allowing myself to look at him. Once I did, he stepped away once more.

My arms hung flaccid at my sides. I suddenly felt stiff and I didn't like it.

He looked fixedly at my body, paying a great deal of attention to my breasts. I couldn't help the deep blush that filled my cheeks. He pinched his nose and closed his eyes in a similar way to Edward - though it was more daunting - and froze in that position for an unknown amount of time.

From what I could see when he opened his eyes with the little light provided, the red of his irises had become increasingly darker, closer to black than they had been. I realised this must have been a reaction to the rush of blood that came to my face. I didn't completely understand how it made such a difference, but it really seemed to.

I pressed the back of my body up against the wall and prepared myself as much as I could for the worst possible outcome: that he would be overcome with bloodlust and suck me dry.

Luck must have been on my side, as he simply laced his fingers together and put them behind his head, leaning them against the wall also.

"I want you to do exactly what I say, Bella. Tell me you will."

I gulped, "I'll do exactly what you say." I paused, remembering I should call him by name, "James."

He smiled at me, showing a hint of his teeth. "Good, girl. I want you to touch yourself." he said confidently.

I gasped, "What?" I asked stupidly.

"I said," he snapped, "that I want you to fucking well touch yourself." he shouted

I opened my mouth to argue, but stopped myself as the words were on my tongue; on second thought I figured that doing this was better than being killed any day. I took a deep breath through my nose and blinked fiercely as I allowed myself to take this in.

He was going to watch me play with myself. No doubt he was going to control what I did and that unnerved me. I was pretty inexperienced in all of this and being watched wasn't going to make it any better; I was pretty sure he wasn't going to be lenient either.

I nodded and asked without emotion, "Where do you want me to touch myself?"

"Touch your breasts, my pet. I want you to play with your nipples." He replied in a husky voice.

I nodded "Yes, Master." causing him to smile.

I took my hands and nervously placed them over my breasts, gently squeezing and massaging the swells. I did this repeatedly, my hands beginning to squeeze harder and rub more roughly. With the thumb and forefinger of each hand I pinched and twisted my nipples causing them to harden.

I closed my eyes and was able to imagine that I wasn't here, that I wasn't doing this to myself, that I was with Edward, we were in his bedroom with all the Cullens gone and his stupid rules forgotten. I imagined that it was his hands touching me, teasing me. I let out a satisfied sigh as my body reacted and I felt myself becoming wet. I wanted permission to move my hands lower so I could imagine that Edward touching me in my most intimate areas.

My eyes flashed open and I was snapped out of my fantasy with James' voice cutting through it, "Move your hands lower. Play with your pussy. I can smell you my pet, your scent is so strong, so luscious." he declared.

I cleared my throat and whispered, "Yes, Master"

I closed my eyes once again, no longer caring that James was watching me. This felt unbelievably amazing and I wasn't going to let him ruin the sensation for me. I left one hand on my breast, continuing the motions as I trailed one hand down my stomach.

I found my fingers circling my sensitive clit, sending exciting shocks up to my core. My thumb continued the circling motion on the bundle of nerves and my fingers rubbed against my entrance, spreading my wetness.

I gained some confidence and slipped the tip of my middle finger inside of me and gasped at the feeling. I pushed it in further and held it there before adding a second finger. I pumped them in and out, increasing the speed as my juices trickled down my thighs.

I threw my head back against the wall in pleasure. My fingers still pleasured my breasts and my clit and moved inside my tight pussy.

Just as I felt a tightening in my stomach, James told me harshly to stop. I opened my eyes, I had forgotten that he was watching me this whole time. I watched him come over to me, looking my hands as my breathing came out erratically.

He pulled my fingers out of me and bought that hand up to his face. He smelled the two fingers that had just been inside of me before putting them into his mouth and sucking the juices off of them.

I stared at him wide eyed as he carried out the action, not sure I felt entirely comfortable with it, though at the same time, feeling slightly aroused by it. He looked at my lips and kissed me, I could dully taste myself on him. I thought that would have been repulsive, but I really didn't mind it; it was oddly hot.

He pulled away and looked into my eyes. They had turned into the deep black that often signalled desperate thirst…

And maybe even want.

His hands moved to replace my own and the coolness of his skin only heightened the desire I felt within me. It was strange to have someone else touch me but I liked it all a hell of a lot more and I moaned loudly. If I wasn't so turned on I'd be embarrassed.

He added a third finger inside me and I bucked my hips towards him, yearning for him to somehow fill me more than he already was. His fingers pumped rougher than I had and sooner than I expected, I felt the familiar tightening in my stomach.

He moved his head down so he could flick my nipples with his tongue and I arched my back to push myself against him. I felt him smile against my breast as he sucked my nipple into his mouth and my hand moved down to rub the bulge in his jeans, causing his hips to thrust against my hand.

His thumb rubbed harder against my clit and I screamed as my walls tightened and I came all over his hand.

When I had finished riding out my orgasm, he walked out the room with a sinister laugh and the door slammed shut.

I was able to catch my breath and I realised what I had just done. I had willingly let that sick vampire touch me, play with me, taste me. I had betrayed Edward and betrayed myself. Yet, I had enjoyed it, it made me feel things I had never felt before.

I felt like a vile masochist and I was ashamed of myself.

I looked down at my clothes and picked up my t-shirt. I began to sob uncontrollably and used it to wipe at my tears.

I actually wanted James to kill me, just so I wouldn't have to live with myself, knowing what I'd done.

**I'm sorry if the (almost) lemon was terrible. ****I haven't really written a lemon before and I didn't expect it to go that far, but you know, sometimes impulse takes over and you just can't help it.**


	6. Chapter 6

**I'm back! So may I just say how much I friggin' love you guys! Seriously your reviews made me so happy you have no idea.  
I'm sorry for the long time to update but when I got home I had a little bit of writer's block which I have luckily got over and am ready to present you with this chapter :)  
Oh, but first can I just say that several people asked about Edward and what he's going to think and what he's up to and at the moment all I can say is that you will find out eventually. I need to fine tune some stuff and a lot more needs to happen before we see dear Edward again.  
Anyway, on with the chapter... enjoy :)**

**Chapter 5**

I felt… vile. Well actually, vile was probably not a strong enough word to describe this feeling, but it fit well enough.

What had happened was vile, James was vile, and I was vile for allowing it to happen so easily. Hell even the location was pretty vile. My first sexual experience had occurred with a vampire who had kidnapped me. He had done things that not even Edward had allowed himself to. I mean for fucks sake Edward hadn't even seen me in my underwear.

Thinking about it, what would Edward think if he found out? Surely then he would realise that he'd been too good for me all along and leave me, I don't know what I'd do if he did. He would realise how weak I really was. Maybe though, he would forgive me. It was an unlikely hope, but one I allowed myself nonetheless. I mean, he would have to realise that James would have done it forcefully had I allowed it or not. Maybe I could just not tell him, that would be possible. Or maybe I could simply confess as soon as I saw him, simple, right?

Right.

Unless Alice saw it at a moment when Edward was close enough to see it in her mind. If Alice saw it and replayed it to Edward in her mind. Unless Alice saw it, period. I can't imagine Alice mad, but I can imagine that she would be if she saw; she loved Edward too and any love she had for me would be outshone by the love she had for her brother.

The rest of the Cullens would hate me too. Carlisle and Esme would be devastated for their son, the little progress I had made with Jasper would be destroyed: if Alice was mad, he would stand by her and be mad too. Emmett would realise his wife was right to hate me all along.

Well, at least Rosalie would have another excuse to hate me even more than she already did.

I brought my hand up slowly to my cheek. It was damp; stained with my tears of shame and regret. I wiped them away, yet more still tumbled out of my eyes. I didn't know it was possible to produce so many tears.

I scrunched my eyes tight shut and rubbed at them furiously, willing them to disappear before James caught me. Eventually, the flow of the tears stopped and I leaned my head back against the wall.

A short while later , James entered and gave me more food to eat.I didn't even pay attention to what I was shoving in my mouth anymore, I was just grateful that he was still providing any at all. As usual he stood in the room, watching until I had finished.

I pushed the tray towards him, but he simply ignored it and came to stand and then crouch down infront of me. He furrowed his brow as his eyes searched my face intently; almost inspecting it.

"Your eyes are red." He stated in a matter-of-fact tone. I didn't respond. "Have you been crying?" He asked in a more monotonous voice.

I shortly contemplated lying to him, but realised that he would easily see through any lie I told and I would be in even more trouble than I probably already was. I nodded my head as my reply.

He pursed his lips then nodded too.

I built up some courage before asking in a quiet voice, "Are you mad?"

"A little." He replied honestly.

It was quiet for several moments as I realised that this meant I would most likely have to pay for ruining his mood. I took a deep, shaky breath, "So I'm going to be punished." I stated rather than asked.

His dark eyes softened ever so slightly. "No my pet; I play by the rules. I did not witness your sobs, so I will not punish you." He sounded so sincere and reassuring, however it did nothing to calm me and he must have known from my fast paced heartbeat. I was unsure if I believed his words or not.

He stood up and pulled me by the hand so I was standing too. He pulled me to the middle of the room and looked down at me as I returned his gaze. All vile, scared and alone feelings I had felt before were gone, replaced with... well I'm not really sure. I wasn't happy, definately not, but I guess I felt... okay, weird as it sounds.

He stroked my hair softly several times before dropping his hand to his side. "Don't be afraid my pet." He started soothingly and I was soothed, well, as soothed as I could be given the circumstances. "I need to go on a hunt," he informed me and I shivered at the thought of someone losing their life to him tonight, "all doors leading outside and windows will be locked but you will stay in this room, I will know if you don't." He paused briefly, "I don't know when I will return but I expect it will be some time before you fall asleep, I will come in to see you once I do." he finished.

I nodded to show I understood and the room fell completely silent.

Suddenly, he reached for my hair again and gathered it all in one of his hands and held it to my back. His other arm wrapped around my waist, holding me to him. I knew what was coming next, so quickly moved my near-limp arms from my sides to go around his neck as I waited for him to lean in.

He hid his face in my neck and I tilted my head upwards to allow him more access as he would want. He licked and kissed the skin there leaving an almost ticklish sensation. He continued by trailing soft butterfly kisses upwards to my left cheek, on the tip of my nose and on my right cheek. He let go of my hair and began to run his fingers through the now coarse strands as he touched his nose to mine. I kept my eyes closed but tightened my hold on his neck as if trying to pull him closer: I always ended up lost in these kissed now, a fact I wasn't at all proud of.

His firm, ice cold lips touched my warm, soft ones and we kissed slowly my lips only barely parted under his. His tongue darted out and licked my lower lip and I shivered from his coldness as I opened my mouth enough to let his tongue in. His massaged and battled with mine and I rather embarrassingly let out a small moan and I felt him smile against my lips. The arm that was wrapped around my waist lowered and his hand was now cupping my butt, allowing him to lift me up off the floor. Instinctively my arms clung to him tighter, even though somewhere in my mind I knew he wasn't going to drop me. Both his hands then rested on my butt and they slowly lowered down the back of my thighs to the back of my knees and pulled them upwards to hook them around his waist.

I felt his hardness then and tightened my legs around him pressing myself firmly against it and moaned into his mouth loudly. He wrapped his arms around my waist as he deepened the kiss by tilting his head and opening his mouth further to me.

I trailed my index finger down from his neck to his chest before his hand snapped up and held mine firmly still causing me to freeze. He untangled me from him and released me from his hold, before placing his hands on my shoulders and standing at arms distance away from me.

"I need to hunt," He said firmly, he didn't seem to be breathing anymore, "I'll be back, my pet." he added before running at vampire speed out the door. I heard a slam and the locks clicking, signalling his departure.

I crossed my arms and licked my lips as I looked around the dark room, wondering what to do now that I was all worked up; I couldn't simply sit and enjoy the silence.

I considered the idea of exploring the house, despite James' rule. I couldn't see how he was going to find out if I'd left the room and why shouldn't I get the opportunity to just have a look around if he wasn't here to know about it.

I stared longingly at the door as I waited a suitable amount of time for James to be far away from the house, but I'm an impatient person and I simply couldn't wait longer than a couple of minutes before turning the handle and looking into the well lit hallway. The walls were a brilliant white, though slightly bare and boring. The front door was made from wood and was sealed tight shut by several different locks to keep me in. I also noticed a small staircase that I would have to remember to investigate later.

To the left of my door, was simply a wall, and obviously the furthest thing to the left of the house. I turned right and headed down the small, narrow corridor. The walk felt surprisingly familiar and I realised why once I opened the first door - on the left hand side of the corridor - leading into the bathroom; I had made this walk several times a day since I got here. I decided to ignore this room and peeked into the room almost directly opposite it on the right.

A small kitchen which held a fridge smaller than the one at Charlie's house, an oven and a microwave as well as the various counters, cupboards and drawers. It was plain and basic, only here to fulfill my needs. I sighed and shut the door behind me as I left, leaving it as it was before.

There was one more door, at the end of the corridor which for some reason had me slightly apprehensive. I took a deep breath and pushed it open. There was nothing for me to be worried about. The room was large and relatively empty like the rest of the house. A desk which housed a computer took up the most amount of space with a small bookshelf behind it that contained only a small number of books, including an encyclopedia. What the hell would he want with an encyclopedia?

I walked further into the room and around the other side of the desk to take a peek at the computer: it was switched off. The dusty screen looked ancient and out of use, but I didn't see any stupid modem connected like I was used to using at Charlie's. I ran my hand along the keyboard - which was also dusty - and the smooth sound of my fingers running over the keys filled my ears, making me feel surprisingly better. I sighed; there wasn't a chair for me to sit on. Blasted vampires and their blasted ability to be comfortable standing for indefinite amounts of time.

I walked once around the room, it felt nice to be able to walk around a spacious room that actually had furniture in it. It was also weird for me to think that I missed furniture. I mean, it's something you're used to: not having a bed or a sofa or a chair at least. It was something I always took for granted because it was always there. Fuck what I wouldn't do for a chair right now.

Starting to feel a little depressed again, I took a quick look at the bookshelf. There were definitely no interesting reads, unless of course I wanted to become more articulate; there wasn't just an encyclopedia on that shelf, there was a dictionary, a thesaurus and some very large books about different wars which frankly held little interest to me.

Having searched the room as thoroughly as I could, I left and once again shut the door, erasing any trace of clues that I had been in there.

I walked back down the corridor to the open hallway where the plain, wooden stairs stood. I was both intrigued and wary of what might be up there.

I walked over and stood at the foot of the stairs looking up into the dark. Everywhere else - besides my room anyway - was brightly lit and clearly used. Was there a reason he didn't go up there? Maybe he did and he just didn't feel it was necessary to turn the lights on. Maybe I should be sensible Bella for once and just leave any possible dangers well enough alone. Why didn't I do that?

Oh I know, because I'm Bella Swan: danger magnet.

I took a deep breath and placed my foot on the stairs, ready to ascend.


	7. Chapter 7

**Okayy before we get into the story, I just want to apologise for making you wait a while for this update. Life's been mental recently and I haven't had much chance to write in the past few weeks, it was a nightmare. So I should also probably warn you now that it's still pretty mental here and I have so much work to do now that I'm at college so updates may take a while but they will come. I'm definitely not planning on giving up on this story.**

**Also, thanks so much to reviewers. I really appreciate hearing what you think about this story and your comments always make me smile :) **

**Anyway, I've said enough and there's been plenty of waiting already. So here we have...**

**Chapter 6**

The first step creaked quietly as I put my weight on it. I gasped at the sound, I got a feeling of unease towards the noise in the otherwise silent house; I felt as though I was going to get caught out of my room at any moment despite the lack of James' presence.

The stairs looked unstable, but seemed to be just an example of the phrase 'looks can be deceiving'. They made no more noise and did not fall through under my weight as I was expecting them to. I held on to the banister to the left of me, preventing my clumsy feet - should I misplace them - from falling the steps and pulling my body with them.

I climbed the steps slowly as my breaths became audible; I was unsure of what was going to be found up in this seemingly underused area of the house.

The light that was coming from the ground floor was becoming less clear as I made my way upwards, nothing was visible past the very top of the stairs. The thought of this unknown was both haunting and exciting; I wanted to know desperately which of these emotions was the most relevant.

That was probably just unbelievably stupid, and I knew it. I knew I should have stayed in my room as James had told me to. I knew James would somehow know I'd been out. I knew I was going to be punished.

There was nothing I could do to stop that from happening now - I knew that too - so what would be the point of wasting this one opportunity of freedom?

I reached the top step which was in almost complete darkness and fell over… well, nothing. Not paying enough attention, I pulled my leg up ready to go up another step, only to find I had reached the top, flat surfaced floor and fallen down to my knees with the lack of support under my feet where it was expected to be. I pulled myself upright and licked my lips as I looked around.

I saw nothing. What a surprise.

I looked back down the stairs; the lights were still on and there was evidence that I wasn't stuck up here, which made me somewhat relieved.

I moved myself closer to the wall on my left, searching for a light switch or a door. Something that would be helpful in any way. My hands ran frantically up and down the walls, left and right, before repeating the motions on a different area.

When there was no luck on that side, I gradually moved myself to the right-hand wall to continue the search. There was no luck, it was completely smooth and flat with no signs of anything other than - possibly - paint or wallpaper upon it.

I looked back towards the stairs again, there was still the dim light glowing downstairs, though I was still completely blind on this floor of the house. I blew out a breath in frustration and I allowed my fingers to drum against the wall, though the sound soon began to irritate me.

My eyes began to adjust to the dark as best as they could, it was no comparison to how well vampires could see in the dark, but it was enough. It was enough for me to faintly see a wall and yet another closed door.

Hesitantly, I treaded over to it, my eyes uselessly darting from side to side as though expecting that was good enough look out for James' return.

As I got closer, I noticed something small and square to the left of the door-frame: a switch. I stared at it for several seconds before flicking it - on or off. As I did so, the smallest speck of light came through the crack between the door and the frame. Tentatively, I pushed the door open to reveal a small corridor with one door on either side of it.

My head moved from the left, to the right and back again hurriedly trying to decide which door to go through first. I ended up taking the right and went inside.

I felt around quickly to turn the light on and raised an eyebrow at what I saw. I wasn't surprised James didn't seem to use this room; there was a large bed in the centre which he definitely did not need. It was at least queen sized and had clean, white sheets draped over the top of it with large, fluffy looking pillows resting against a big, wooden headboard. On either side was a small table with a small drawer at the top, I opened each of the drawers only to find them empty, just like the rest of the room. There was a second door inside, which probably led to a cupboard or wardrobe, but I didn't want to find out, cautious of the unexpected.

I lowered myself onto the bed, relishing in the soft, comfortable surface. I wasn't sure if it was the mattress itself or just that I haven't sat on anything softer than a concrete floor for almost a week, but it was as though I've never been more relaxed in my life.

I lay down flat and rested my head on the pillow, indenting my shape into it. It smelled clean and a little like lemons: a hell of a lot better than I did. Just inhaling the scent allowed me to forget where I was, a temporary escape from reality almost.

I don't know how long I lay there. I was debating with myself internally, trying to decide between getting the hell out of there and simply wanting this bit of rest.

Eventually, however, I managed to slowly haul myself up back into a standing position. I fluffed the pillow and adjusted the covers of the bed in a probably futile attempt to erase any trace of evidence that I'd been in here.

I left the room having switched off the light and shutting the door. I wrapped my arms around my torso as I looked over to the other door opposite me. The one I had yet to venture through.

Thinking about it, I don't know why I was suddenly hesitant to see what was on the other side. The bedroom was definitely not threatening, yet something in the back of my mind was telling me that I shouldn't be so quick to let my guard down so soon. I shook my head to clear my thoughts. I was being irrational; what had been so out of the ordinary about the rest of the house? Other than the fact that a vampire was living in it along with his human captive.

I marched swiftly over to the other door in determination and swung it open roughly before I again searched messily for the lights.

What I saw in there made me both confused and nervous.

It was fairly empty. There was no furniture, just random objects thrown haphazardly around the floor of the large room.

There was a rocking chair thrown on its side that looked slightly similar to the one in my room at Charlie's. A small, wooden rocking horse, ancient looking was stood in the corner, the horse's face looking in the direction of one of the walls. A doll - one of those expensive china dolls by the looks of it - was propped up against the back wall. It was old and worn but still beautiful. The oddest thing though, was the pieces of wood dotted across the room, some just plain planks of pale wood piled together, others had shapes delicately carved and made for whatever purpose it was supposed to have.

I didn't dare linger in this room and after having a short look I exited and made my way back to the stairs.

I felt uncomfortable being in that last room. It made me feel nostalgic, seeing all the toys thrown about reminded me of being innocent. I guess in a way, I was no longer the innocent Isabella Swan that I had been before I met Edward. Getting involved with vampires damages that, makes you understand more than you ever thought you would.

The sight of the toys though also invoked fear. Had the room been more organised, it would have looked much like a nursery - if not slightly empty. What use would James have for them? I hoped desperately that he wasn't going to be brining a child here, I don't know how I could cope with that.

Perhaps it was something to do with his own nostalgia. Wanting to bring back some memory from his childhood. Just anything from his human life. I had no idea how much he remembered, or how long ago he was changed. I assumed that must have had something to do with the toys, even though that still sounded a little weird to me.

It was a hell of a lot better than the other possibilities.

I headed back down the stairs slowly, listening to the creaks of the wood as I pressed my weight on to it. As I stepped onto the landing I took one last look around, not knowing if or when I would be able to look at it again before going back into my room and waiting for James to return.

As the boredom mounted once again, I began tracing random patterns on the hard floor with the tip of my index finger. I was becoming completely lost in it when I heard the main door opening signalling that James was back.

After the door clicked shut, the house fell silent once again and I returned my attention back to the random, invisible patterns I was creating.

Suddenly, from just outside my room James let out a frustrated, terrifying growl. My head snapped up and I was staring wide eyed at the door. If he was mad, he was likely to take his anger out on me.

Different motives for his anger flooded into my mind. Bad hunting trip perhaps, though I was pretty sure that couldn't be it because it wasn't as though he was already growling in anger when he came back. Maybe someone had figured out our whereabouts and he knew about it, but wasn't sure if that would actually make him angry. Maybe it was something I was supposed to have done and hadn't, having forgot he asked me about it.

That's when it clicked. It wasn't something I was supposed to have done. It was something I shouldn't have done, but did it anyway. I left the room after he specifically told me not to. How would he have known? I might have left something disturbed and not put it back to how it was originally and it tipped him off. But I recall I didn't move much and I know I remade the bed to look like no one had ever laid in it.

A light on? A door opened? I didn't know.

"Bella!" James growled as he entered the room. I would have thought he was completely calm had I not heard the growl and the dangerous tone in his voice. He stalked up to me slowly as though approaching his prey - which I guess I was - keeping his glowing red eyes on me.

I didn't answer him. Just stood wide eyed, open mouthed, staring at him, knowing I was in the deepest shit imaginable. I wasn't going to come out of this unscathed. I restrained myself from biting on my lip as I got a hold on my breathing.

He came to a holt about a metre away from me and smiled slyly.

I was beginning to feel overwhelmingly tense, the atmosphere was thick, both of us waiting for the other to crack. It was becoming too much, I couldn't stand the silence. No doubt I had no chance of winning this - whatever it was - and asked in a small voice "How was the hunt?"

His facial expression didn't change as he answered in a bittersweet voice "Oh, that was fantastic. I managed to drain a small group of hikers in the woods not too far from here, very delicious, very satisfying," I tried not to cringe at the thought as he continued, "there was one thing that almost ruined it for me though. Do you know what that is Bella?" I shook my head slowly and he snarled "The fact that I came home to find that you had disobeyed me."

I gasped as he flung himself on top of me, sending me flying backwards to the floor. His body was on top of mine, his hand clasped around my throat, not strong enough to suffocate me completely, but enough to make it an effort to breathe. As I coughed and spluttered, he grabbed my wrist and before I realised what he was doing, he bit down into my hand. He was going to drink my blood.

I screamed. With what air I had in my lungs, I screamed. I knew it was useless and would have no affect on him but I couldn't help myself, the sight was fear inducing, the feeling was painful. He sucked hard on the wound he must have made before he released my hand after only a short amount of time and let it fall to the floor.

It felt as if it was on fire. It was the most intense, throbbing, unbearable pain imaginable. I screamed louder, and my hand started shaking, trying to put out a fire that wasn't there. I wanted desperately to know what he'd done to me, why I felt like my hand was about to combust. The burning was spreading slowly, throughout my hand through my fingers and making itss way to my wrist.

Tears escaped my eyes. I didn't realise it was possible to go through so much pain. I was pretty sure that if it didn't get stopped it was going to be the end of me.

I didn't register it for several seconds after it happened, but through my tears and my screams, James had hit me with a force much stronger than any human possesses. It wasn't enough - I hoped anyway - to damage me permanently, but I was pretty sure I had some sort of dark markings on my face.

It was still nothing compared to the burning though.

"Listen, bitch," James started, still furious, his face an inch from mine, his eyes penetrating my tear clouded ones "you deserve all the pain I'm putting you through right now." how the hell anyone could ever deserve this I'll never know, "When I tell you to do something, you do it. When I tell you not to do something, you fucking well do it. This is your punishment for going against me, make sure you don't do it again."

I was going to nod, or something to show I was listening, but I couldn't. the pain of the burning was so strong, even though it was still pretty confined. James pressed down harder on my neck making it impossible to breath and I clamped my eyes shut, thinking he was going to put me out of my misery.

Instead, he removed the pressure completely allowing me to breath and climbing off of me. I tried to open my eyes, tried to concentrate on what he was doing, but the burning was eating away at me. I was weak, I knew that. Had anyone ever experienced this height of pain before me? If they had they probably weren't here to tell of it.

I just about felt James replace his teeth into the bite marks he had made and suck once more. As soon as he did, the pain started retreating, becoming more and more condensed to one place: my hand.

Just as the fire left my body, James released my hand from his lips and placed it gently across my abdomen.

I opened my eyes so they were slits - it was all I could manage - and looked at him, he was looking at my face intently.

He leaned down and planted a kiss on my forehead before standing.

"Don't worry my pet, I wont change you." He said slightly cryptically before leaving me alone.

I fought to keep my eyes open, the pain had drained my energy. My cheek was painful, I could feel my injury there a lot stronger now than before alongside the burning. I kept my mind off it, and remembered that the pain could be so much worse.

I thought about James' parting words. 'I wont change you'. What did he mean by that? Change me how?

I pondered the thought for a short while, before I figured out what he meant by it.

Change me into a vampire. Was that what the burning was, the beginnings of the change? I felt like I was going to die, maybe that's how it feels to become one. What did he do to me to start the change? Had simply sucking my blood a second time ceased the change?

It was with these questions in mind that I allowed myself to drift and the blackness to take over.


	8. Chapter 8

**You guys are awesome, 'nuff said =]**

**Chapter 7**

When I finally regained consciousness, I still felt exhausted. I hardly had the strength to open my eyes at all.

I parted my eyelids slightly - just enough that I could see but it was still blurry - and noticed the light was still coming in through the door frame as it always did. I noted this and allowed my eyes to drift shut again.

I rolled over so the whole of the front of my body was facing downwards and frowned. It was oddly comfortable. I shouldn't have been comfortable at all. I froze briefly before pressing my face down into the hard yet cosy surface. As I did, I heard someone clear their throat loudly, from above me.

I lifted my head up slightly so I was looking down at whatever it was my head was leaning on: a pair of legs it seemed. Using my forearms as support, I lifted my upper body off the ground and looked up to see James smirking down at me. My eyes widened immediately; I realised my head had been pretty much pressed into his crotch.

"Sorry about… that." I said embarrassed as I blushed.

His smirk only grew wider, "No need to be sorry at all, pet."

I nodded and averted my eyes downwards, not really knowing what to do now. I sat myself up and crossed my legs, resting my hands on my thighs while resisting the urge to sigh.

Without warning, James grabbed my arm that was closest to him and yanked me towards him, almost toppling me over in the process. I uncrossed my legs and scooted over to sit beside him on my own as it seemed he was trying to get me to do anyway. He put one arm around my shoulders and with the other he reached up to stroke my hair as he had done many times before. My eyes stuck to my feet that were stretched out in front of me. I had assumed he was still going to be mad at me when I woke up, I wasn't going to complain, but this was odd behaviour.

"How do you feel my pet?" James asked after a while of comfortable silence.

I lifted my gaze to meet his - his eyes were still crimson red - and replied simply "Tired."

James raised his eyebrows at my response, "Still?"

"Yes." I said slowly, "Why?"

He shrugged and turned his head away from me, looking straight in front of him. I took the opportunity to lower my gaze feeling relieved. I always felt uneasy making eye contact with people, especially when it came to vampires who had recently kidnapped and attacked me.

I wrapped my arms around my torso, trying to keep myself warm; James wasn't exactly sporting a regular temperature.

"You know, you slept for two days almost." James said reluctantly, making my eyes widen hugely at this bit of information.

"Two days? Seriously?" I questioned, shocked.

He nodded, "I stayed with you the whole time. I started to feel bad about… what I did to you, do you remember?" he paused so I could answer and I nodded carefully. He licked his lips, "I'm sorry. I know I said I'd punish you, and I will if you go out of line again, but it was wrong of me to do that to you."

I chewed nervously on my bottom lip as he gave me his apology. I didn't really understand at all why he was apologising, we were playing by his rules here, not mine. Surely as far as he was concerned my needs and feeling didn't matter. I released my lip and told him it was okay before stretching my arms out in front of me as I yawned.

"Do you want to sleep some more?"

I hesitated before answering, "No, thank you."

He nodded and I lazily rubbed my tired eyes with the back of my hand. As my hand touched my face I froze; the piece of skin that lay between my thumb and my index finger was cold. A hell of a lot colder than the rest of me.

I pulled my hand away and looked closely at it. I had a scar in the shape of a crescent moon from where James had bit me that - though it didn't really hurt - had left that area several degrees colder than the rest of my body. Almost as cold as a vampire it felt like.

I looked up to see James staring at my hand, his face like a blank canvas. I squeezed my hand into a fist for a second then relaxed it and dropped it to my side - still looking at him. As soon as my hand had moved, his gaze turned back to me and he smiled sheepishly for some reason.

I wanted to ask him so many questions, craving the answers. It was time to suck it up and ask them, starting with the least delicate of course. If he didn't want to answer them, all he had to do was say so. I had to try it at least, gauge his reaction.

I took in a deep breath, "Um…" I started and stopped, suddenly terrified he would flip out again and try to punish me for being nosy.

"Yes, Bella?" He said softly.

I gulped loudly. "I was, err… wondering if maybe I could ask you… something. Well, several things really."

He took a moment to answer and I started nervously rubbing the scar he had given me a couple of days ago. I was preparing myself to tell him to forget it but I was stopped short when he tightened his hold on me and buried his face in my shoulder.

I turned my head so I was looking down at the top of his. I could feel his nose and mouth pressed gently against my shoulder.

"I'll answer them," he said, his voice hardly muffled despite the position he was in, "I just don't want to look at you when I do. I don't know if I can handle that."

I nodded once even though he couldn't see me and thought shortly about which question to voice first. I didn't want to start with the punishment, though I knew that would have to come up eventually. I could have started with why I was even here in the first place, but I figured he would be too reluctant to answer; I wanted my first question at least to be answered successfully.

I cleared my throat, "Okay. Well… is there a reason I'm not allowed to see the rest of the house?"

He buried his face further into my shoulder and wrapped his other arm around me before answering, "I guess it's an authority thing. I don't know, it just seemed like what I was supposed to be doing."

"Right." I said, trying not to analyse his response too much. I just wanted to hear his explanations and move onto my next query so this was over with as soon as possible, "Am I still supposed to stay in here the whole time then?"

"I'd rather you did," he stopped to kiss my shoulder lightly, "but I'm not going to force you to. If you want to walk around, I suppose it doesn't matter anymore."

Even though it was the last thing I wanted to do, I thought about his answer. What did he mean by that? Did I suddenly have a little more freedom than I had over the past week-or-so? I didn't want to allow myself to be hopeful, but I was very curious as to what this meant. My fear of this conversation had pretty much dissolved thanks to his cooperation. I was now pretty certain he wasn't going to hurt me, not right now anyway.

"So, what does that mean? I can go wherever I want in the house now?"

He shrugged, "Yes, I suppose so." he sighed and his cool breath tickled my skin, "like I said, I'd rather you didn't, but if you do could you tell me your doing so. Please?"

I licked my lips, it wouldn't make any difference to me if I told him or not, "Of course." I leaned my head on top of his and sighed as I closed my eyes, still feeling drowsy. "Do you ever go upstairs?"

He stiffened and I sensed that this made him uncomfortable but he confirmed that he did indeed go up there anyway. I considered asking him to elaborate, but he was already tense from me bringing up the subject and realised this would probably be the best time to change it.

I looked down at my scarred hand and lifted it to my eye level, examining the wound again. I wanted to ask him what actually happened to me when he gave it to me. Why I was burning and how he made it go away.

I released a huff of air and asked quickly, "What did you do to me?"

James finally lifted his head and met my questioning gaze with his pleading one; whatever it was can't have been good. I drummed my fingers on his arm that was draped tightly across my torso, trying to convey some form of impatience.

James sighed and turned his head so he was looking straight forward. When he spoke, his voice was barely audible "I started the change."

I didn't need to ask what he meant by that. He had started the change from human to vampire, I had suspected this, but to hear it said out loud… it was surprising just how daunting the idea was. Not because I didn't want to be one someday - providing I managed to get to Edward again - but just because of the searing pain caused by it. I pushed that thought out of my head fast and sought to find out more about it, no matter how long it took.

"What did you do exactly? I mean I know you bit me, obviously," I paused briefly when I saw him cringe, and decided quickly not to comment on it, "I'm just curious as to what was actually causing the pain."

He nodded slowly, "Right." he said and hung his head, almost in shame it seemed. His voice was low and dark, "I - well vampires in general - have venom. It's supposed to be more of a sedative… just to keep the victim paralysed long enough for us to drain the-" he was cut off by my loud gasp.

It didn't matter how long I had been associated with vampires, I would never be used to the fact that people are their natural prey. I was lucky not to have been killed by one so far, and by the sounds of it, I had come face to face with this death only a matter of days ago. I'd never given much thought to how I would die - but I'd never expected it to be like that.

"Should I stop, my pet?" he asked, probably hoping that I'd tell him yes, but I wanted to hear it.

"No. I want to know, sorry." I whispered in response.

He nodded again, "Well, if you just leave it long enough, the victims become one of us."

"How long is long enough?"

He released his vice -like grip on me and scooted round so he was sat cross legged facing me. He was as still as a statue as he stared at me, I didn't know what he was doing, but I refused to allow myself to squirm under his watchful eyes.

"Why do you want to know this, Bella?" James asked monotonously.

"Curiosity." I replied honestly. There wasn't exactly much more to it than that.

He narrowed his eyes, making them appear completely red under his lids. He leaned forward almost as though he was trying to intimidate me. His voice was deep and his eyes piercing, "You wont speak of this again after this, is this clear?"

I nodded, confirming what he had asked. He seemed satisfied by this and leaned back again, opening his eyes fully - inducing less fear.

"Usually three days." he responded and my mouth gaped open.

How did anyone endure that level of pain for three days? I can't have been under for more than a couple of minutes and it was unbearable enough.

I shut my mouth embarrassed as I noticed James smirking at me, probably amused by my shocked expression. Of course he would find it funny, he'd already been through the pain himself, for the whole three days. He didn't seem to be complaining; probably something you understand from experience.

James stood up and looked down at me, his hands in the pockets of his jeans. He smiled sadly, "It's not so bad really. At least, once the pain's over, it's fine." he said in reassurance.

"I guess that makes sense." I replied monotonously in agreement, there wasn't much else you could have said to that.

"Listen," James said in a voice that was strangely both awkward and sternly, "this conversation is not to be repeated. As far as I'm concerned, this never happened and you're completely unaware of what was going on the other day." he paused, contemplating something, "Actually, let's pretend the whole thing never happened. As far as we're concerned from now on, you didn't break the rules, I didn't have to punish you and we never talked about this." he said finally.

"Okay." I said after a short silence. Not that there was much point - this was how it would work whether I agreed or not - but it was clear he wanted me to say something, no matter how short.

James nodded and stood uncomfortably in front of me. I licked my lips and he repeated the action as we held each other's eyes until I yawned loudly.

"Well," James cleared his throat and ran his hand over the back of his neck, "I should let you get some rest. Goodnight, my pet."

"Goodnight… master." I whispered. James' eyes darkened before he ran at vampire speed out of the room.

I sighed loudly - probably easily enough for James to hear - and lay down on my front, resting my head on my forearms.

James had given me a whole lot of information I wasn't expecting - at this point, the whole 'don't mention it again' thing was invalid. I needed to think these things through, to sort them out.

I had come closer than imaginable to becoming a vampire without even knowing it. Vampires had venom. Venom. Did that mean that I had been in contact with this venom before now; when I'd kissed James and Edward a countless amount of times in total. It wasn't something that worried me, considering nothing had affected me before, but I was curious to know if there would be long term effects from so much contact to it.

I was now also allowed - though not exactly preferred - to leave the room if I wanted. Well at least, I was pretty sure I still was. The last thing he said kinda confused me, but for now, I would presume that agreement was still in effect. I assumed that when I did get out this room, it would be a good idea to stay away from the upper areas of the house though; there must have been something up there I didn't find that he was ashamed of.

I yawned again and snuggled down into my uncomfortable arms, feeling stiff and confused, yet totally at ease.


	9. Chapter 9

**Not much to say this time, just thanks for your reviews and such things =]  
Lets do this thing...**

**Chapter 8**

I pulled the door ajar and peered through the gap out into the abandoned hallway. My fingers gripped the door tightly as my eyes darted from side to side, trying to locate James.

I sighed in defeat, knowing he wasn't there. "James." I said as though I was having a conversation with someone who was stood right in front of me, knowing he'd be able to hear.

I jumped and released a short yelp when his tall frame came silently from no where to stand before me. I really wished vampires didn't have the ability to be completely silent; it was highly inconvenient.

He was looking down at me curiously, appearing almost expectant. His arms were crossed and his legs held apart. He raised an eyebrow, prompting me to say something as I realised that I hadn't actually voiced my question yet.

I cleared my throat, "I was wondering…" I paused, looking to check his facial expression which hadn't yet changed, "if I could maybe get out the room. I mean, don't worry if you don't want me to, I just thought since you said maybe I could that I might…" I paused and looked down at the floor, "just sit and read or maybe have a look in the garden or something. I mean if there is one, not that it's important." I babbled, probably not making a lot of sense.

When he didn't reply, I looked back up at his face. There was no sign of any expression there anymore. He was staring at me, his arms still crossed, still stood in the same position, but he had lowered his eyebrow and any sign of curiosity had been wiped away. If I could see any emotion there at all, it was in his eyes, but I couldn't bring myself to look at them, afraid of what could be held there.

After a short while I nodded in defeat and turned to head back into my room, but was stopped short when I felt his icy cold touch on my wrist. His hand grasped my arm tightly, not allowing me to make a step in the opposite direction.

I turned my face back to his. Now, he looked a little angry. Perhaps asking to leave was over the line and he had meant what he said when he told me to forget everything that he had said. I opened my mouth to apologise but before I could even get the words out, his finger pressed firmly against my lips, forcing my apology back.

My eyes blinked rapidly as I looked at him, tears threatening to fall at the tightness of his grip. I cringed and his face softened and he loosened his grip slightly; it was still vice-like but much more bearable. He pulled me against him and grasped my other wrist with his empty hand.

"What did I say about where you look when you talk, Bella?" He questioned me in a low, warning voice.

I took a few deep breaths before answering in a hushed whisper, "I'm supposed to look at you when I talk to you."

He gave a short, sharp nod, "Right. You look at me. In the eye. Every single time." he confirmed sternly. "I believe we said we'd forget everything we talked about." he added after a moment of silence.

"I'm sorry." I started, preparing to add more but he didn't allow me to.

"No. Don't apologise.' He said impatiently, "You can look around if you like." he huffed, "Go read or something. I'll come outside with you shortly." he informed me.

I nodded once and waited for him to release my wrists. When he didn't, I - almost daringly it felt like - raised my eyebrows questioningly. He cleared his throat and released me, allowing me to walk away, blushing as I felt his eyes on me as I walked down the corridor.

Recalling the direction I had taken the last time I had roamed this corridor, I headed towards the door right at the end and pulled it open. The plain desk and bookcase were unmoved since the last time I had been in here - not particularly surprising - the computer still sat collecting dust on top of the desk. I walked round to the far side; it was still turned off.

I walked towards the bookcase. I pursed my lips as I looked at the collection there, unsatisfied with the choice; I had forgotten how limited it actually was.

I sighed and pulled out one of the smaller informative books on the civil war, examined the cover briefly before shrugging to myself and settling down in the corner of the room; the most comfortable place to be found.

I flicked swiftly through the pages before I settled on starting at the beginning. There was a massive amount of text on the pages and, being something I couldn't really gain much interest in, it was difficult for anything to stay in my head after I'd read it. I reread several paragraphs on the first page in an attempt to learn something, but it didn't work.

It probably would have been a lot more interesting if there was someone who knew about this stuff who could explain what had happened in a less complicated way.

I flicked a couple of pages ahead and tried to digest the writing on the page, but it wasn't happening. I huffed loudly in annoyance and slammed the book down on the floor. I glared down at it with my arms crossed, my impatience growing because it couldn't provide me with any form of entertainment. Why the hell was it even there anyway?

Within seconds, I heard the door creak and recognised that James was probably stood there in its place. I turned my gaze in the direction and caught him staring down at my irritated form, curiosity evident in his facial expressions.

I looked back down at the offending book on the floor and sighed. In slow, awkward movements, I get myself up and reached down to remove it from the floor. I winced as a joint in my body clicked from being stuck in awkward positions for so long and quickly after went to place the book back. I had spent too much time resting on the floor and against the walls and my body was beginning to ache.

Keeping my gaze to the floor, I wandered over slowly to the door, stopping just short so that I wouldn't collide with James in my normal, clumsy manner.

I looked up to see James holding his arms out to me, welcoming me into them. With a furrowed brow, I walked into them and revelled in the feeling when he wrapped them around my now uncomfortable frame. I closed my eyes and relaxed into him, the coolness of his hands on my back easing my discomfort.

A couple of minutes of being in his embrace passed before he pulled me up off the floor and adjusted his arms so that he had one cradling my back and neck whilst the other slid under my legs, supporting them.

Before I was able to ask him what he was doing, we were upstairs, back in the bedroom with the nice, white sheeted comfy bed. I didn't argue in the slightest when James placed me carefully on top of it. However, I did ask hesitantly, "What are we doing here?"

He sat crossed legged at the end of the bed, facing me, his expression slightly concerned. He placed a hand on my leg and replied, "I thought _that,_" he said, bobbing his head towards me, referring to the cracking of my joint, "sounded painful."

I nodded in agreement, "A little." I paused briefly and whispered, "It's not a big deal."

He shook his head, "It is." he disagreed.

I didn't reply and we fell into silence. I looked around the room again, noticing that much like the rest of the place, nothing had changed or moved or disturbed. At least, everything seemed as I remembered it. The sheets on the bed still smelt clean and the mattress felt just as comfortable as before. I snuggled down into it and hugged a pillow to me, helping ease my discomfort somewhat. My face stayed turned to James though, who was watching me with some curiosity as I adjusted myself.

When I was comfortable - basically laying in the foetal position - and no longer fidgeting, with the new found courage I had gained after our last conversation, I quietly stated "I thought you didn't want me in here."

He ran his hand down his face as though he was exhausted, "It's not here I oppose you going, Bella." he explained, "I do, however, have aversions to you going into the other room across the corridor."

I nodded in understanding; that was the room with the broken, old toys. If I kept a room just for that purpose - for whatever reason - I wouldn't want anyone to go in there either.

He stared down at my facial expression intently, furrowing his brow, "Lie on your back, Bella." he said. It wasn't a command, it was more like he was testing to see if I'd do it.

The inkling of fear I had from disobeying him unfortunately disabled me from standing against his query and I complied with very little hesitation.

He nodded to himself before sitting up on his knees and hovering over me. My eyes widened and I expected fear to be evident in them; this wasn't a position I particularly wanted to be in.

James smiled softly and took my hands, bringing them level with my eyes. My breathing became heavy and I released small whimpers of fear. He hushed me and released one of my hands to stroke my hair gently. "I'm not going to do anything to you, my pet," he assured me so sincerely it was hard not to believe him, "just… testing the waters."

I managed to relax myself slightly although I would have liked to have known what he was doing. He gave my hair one… two… three more strokes before running his hand down my face, to my shoulder and across my arm until it was back, holding my wrists as it had been doing so before. He adjusted his body so it became a longer silhouette of mine lingering above me, positioning himself in exactly the same way; legs slightly parted and straightened, arms bent, head and torso even with mine.

He lowered his face so it was merely inches above mine and strands of his sleek, blonde hair dangled down in front of my eyes. I had the strangest urge to brush them away before I beat it back and ignored it.

He moved his face downwards so he could place a light kiss on my chin and I wrinkled my nose as the loose golden strands tickled at it. When he looked up and saw my expression, he laughed deeply and I blushed, embarrassed. His gaze then lingered on my reddened cheeks and his eyes became less crimson in colour, which I was actually thankful for.

As my blush faded, he became less interested in my paling cheeks and turned his attention to my eyes. I stared back at him curiously, wanting badly to ask what the purpose of this was, but holding my tongue anyway.

He sighed and pressed a kiss to my lips, not waiting for me to return it before he pulled away. I bit down on my bottom lip as he moved himself off me to lie beside me.

With the arm that was resting against mine, he grasped my hand before reaching over to pull on my other wrist so that I was lying on my side facing him. He looked down at our hands then back to my face and asked, "Do you still think of Edward?"

I looked down at my hands in shame. I was embarrassed because I was in this position with James when I still had Edward. Embarrassed because despite only having been here a couple of weeks at the most, the frequency of which I thought about Edward was declining. I did, however still think of him, quite often. At least once a day, usually clouding my thoughts before I drifted into slumber every night. I still loved him. Still wanted to be with him and still remembered the small details about him, like how he always ran his hand through his hair or pinched the bridge of his nose when he was irritated. How kind and selfless he was when he had every right to be a stuck up prick.

I sighed and nodded, confirming to James that Edward was still in my thoughts.

He placed his finger under my chin and lifted my face so I was forced to look at him again. He was smiling at me, though his eyes were clouded over with what appeared to be sadness.

I opened my mouth to apologise to him but his finger covered it once again, not allowing me to.

I pressed my lips together and he looked down at where his finger was before he spoke, "It's okay. Don't say anything." he paused and pulled me to him so he had enveloped me in an embrace and my head was buried in his chest, "I just want you to remember that I'm here. Right now."

I furrowed my brow in confusion even though he couldn't see my face but nodded against him anyway. I couldn't be bothered to ask anymore questions. Being in the bed had made me feel drowsy and I closed my eyes.

James tucked my head under his chin and his voice came softly, "When you're ready, we can go to the garden as you requested." he informed me, remembering from my mindless rant earlier.

I nodded slowly, "Okay," I agreed, "but not just yet." I added, hoping he either wouldn't notice or wouldn't mind that it wasn't a question.

He squeezed me as gently as his strength would allow, "Whatever you want, Beautiful Pet."

"Thank you, Master." I whispered in reply.


	10. Chapter 10

**I think I'll see you down the bottom… enjoy the chapter!**

**Chapter 9**

"How do we get out there?" I asked curiously as we - well I anyway - ambled messily down the stairs.

"You'll see, Pet." James replied, not actually giving anything away.

We had been sat up in the bedroom for a while and I felt more relaxed and rested than I had for a while. I was feeling restless and wanted to get out and just move. Realising this was what I wanted, James had grasped my hand and pulled me upright, declaring that he was going to show me the garden as I had requested.

I was eager to go outside; I hadn't seen the sky in so long. I wondered if it would be more on the warmer or the cooler side. If I would get to feel rain on my skin again or bask in the rays of the sun. I didn't even know what time of day it was; it could have been near pitch black, the only light coming from the moon.

We headed towards the door which I remembered to contain the kitchen. He pulled it open and I had a proper look at what was there. The fridge and counters were the only things I remembered being there before. I didn't remember seeing the large oven hidden between them, sparkling clean as though it had never been used. I didn't remember the glistening sink - despite it's obvious need in a kitchen - hidden below the window… which I didn't remember either, though this didn't really make any difference as there were also blinds which were closed, blocking out the outside world.

I noticed James reaching his arm out in front of him and pointing his index finger to the corner of the room. My eyes wandered in the direction he was pointing and a grin broke out on my face. There was a small white wooden door that I assumed to lead outside, calling to me to come closer.

I looked up at James, silently asking with my eyes if I could go to it. He smiled softly and reached into his pocket, pulling out a small, silver key. He dangled it off the tip of his finger and I reached out to take it. He dropped it in my palm and I jogged over to the door, placed the key in the lock and turned it. The soft click of the lock turning made me giddy; simple pleasures were what you looked for in this kind of situation.

Leaving the key in the door for James to do with as he wished, I turned the handle and looked outwards. I let out a carefree laugh. There was nothing amusing or laughable out there, not at all, but I was giddy and excited to be going outside. Mix that with the sight I saw, and laughter was only bound to happen.

It was day time, no doubt about it; the sun was shining brightly. I took a step outside and let my arms hang relaxed at my sides, basking in the warmth. I had to allow my eyes to adjust to the brightness of it, but once they had, I was able to admire the breathtaking view.

It was a small garden, without room for a great deal of things, but the space was used well. The grass was green and lush, long enough that my feet would be concealed within it were I to walk through it. It was disturbed only by a small path that lead to a wooden fence with a gate, though that did not interest me for long. There was a small, wooden bench placed up against the house, perfectly positioned where the sun was directly in front of it. I walked towards it and sat down, curling my legs up to rest on it and looked up in the sky, squinting at the suns rays.

I sighed contently as I viewed the outside; there were mainly trees skirting the outsides of the house, hiding it almost. I could faintly see another small house quite a few yards down, though it was not close enough for the owners to have any interest in this one.

I turned my attention back to the now sparkling vampire stood only several feet away from me and gasped. It was still easy to be surprised by the effects the sun had on vampires' skin, it was surreal to me. I had only ever seen it once before and - though it couldn't match with Edward - he was almost… dazzling. The light of the sun caused his blonde hair to shine, making his whole appearance seem brighter, despite his demeanour becoming awkward under my gaze.

I hesitated before turning my gaze back in front of me, looking upwards but avoiding the sight of the sun directly. A small smile played on my lips as I sat basking in the outside world. It was ridiculous how happy it made me; I was pretty sure it wasn't this exciting before. Don't think I'll be taking anything more for granted any time soon.

I allowed my eyes to turn back to James, feeling curious as I was towards what he was doing. He was watching me curiously, but with almost a gentle expression on his face. His skin was still sparkling under the sun and his hands were buried in his pockets.

I licked my lips, wondering whether it would be acceptable to initiate a conversation but decided against it; there wasn't much I could say right now anyway.

I sat myself back on the bench and uncurled my legs, dropping my feet to the floor. I placed my hands in my lap, leaned my head back and closed my eyes. The occasional tweet of a bird or rustle of a leaf would make me giddy and I would chuckle under my breath.

"You look like you're having fun." James commented quietly after a while of silence.

Keeping my position the same apart from the single nod I gave him, I answered, "Yeah. I've missed the sun." I admitted.

He was quiet for several moments, "I know." he answered, sounding closer than before. I opened my eyes and looked towards where he was stood before, jumping slightly when I realised he was now sat beside me on the bench.

"Sorry." He said amusedly, not sounding all that sorry at all. He paused briefly, "What do you miss the most about it?"

I pursed my lips in thought; I hadn't expected that question. I didn't really know what I missed, I just knew that I did. I sighed, "I guess," I started unsurely, "I miss the way it feels. It's warming and makes me feel," I paused thinking of the right word, "safer. I expect it sounds stupid but…" I trailed off.

"No." He said, "Not stupid."

I smiled softly, but didn't voice a response, then waited several minutes before I stood up, walking over towards the grass and kneeling down so my knees were hidden. I ran my hand over it, enjoying the soft and barely noticeable tickling sensation it left in my hand as I did so. I picked a blade of grass and pulled it apart - as I had often done as a child - before I discarded it and repeated the action with another blade.

"What are you doing?" James asked curiously and I shrugged; I wasn't sure how I felt about telling him I was carrying out a childhood pastime.

I watched him as he stood and walked over to me, sitting himself beside me in the grass. I tilted my head as I examined him briefly before continuing with my tearing apart of the grass.

I saw out of the corner of my eyes that his hand reached out and picked out his own blade of grass. I looked up at his face and saw that his brows were furrowed in concentration as he copied my actions. He held the two different parts in his hands and held them out, darting his eyes between them as if he had no idea what he should do next. I chuckled slightly at his baffled expression and he looked towards me.

He dropped the grass to the floor before he jumped up and leaped on top of me, pinning me down to the floor in a flash. My heart was racing in my chest as I looked up at his face; there were no evident expressions in his features but I could only assume from his reaction that my laughing had pissed him off. James suddenly burst out laughing and I looked wide-eyed at him in shock.

"I'm sorry," He started when he had relieved his laughter somewhat, "I didn't mean to scare you, just joking around…" he paused in thought, "perhaps a bit early for that?" he asked.

I nodded slowly at him in response my breathing slightly laboured, "Just a bit, yeah."

He smiled sheepishly at me, "I really am sorry." he said again and I nodded, looking away from his face.

He stood up and looked down at me, smirking. He reached his arm out to me and I eyed it suspiciously before grasping his hand and allowed myself to be pulled up off the floor so I was standing upright before releasing my hand from his grasp.

I looked down at his now empty hands; they too were sparkling under the sun and I found myself running my hand along his skin. I looked up to meet his gaze questioningly before I ran my hand up his arm, pulling his sleeve up with it. I lowered my eyes once again, watching as the skin previously hidden under the fabric began inch-by-inch to sparkle beautifully.

I removed my hand from his skin and I noticed his body stiffen followed by his breathing stopping all together. I furrowed my brow and looked up at his face. He looked almost alert and his eyes were darting from side to side, his head twitching in all different directions, following the path of his eyes.

I went to ask what was going on, but before I could, James sniffed the air curiously, probably having caught a new scent. I bit my lower lip as I worried for whoever it was who the scent belonged to; I wasn't sure if James would pursue it but if he did it wouldn't be a great turn out for them.

He stopped sniffing to look down at me with pursed lips before taking hold of my shoulders tightly and roughly leading me back towards the door.

"What's going on?" I asked as I clumsily walked forwards within his grasp. I didn't understand at all why this scent - or whatever it was - was a cause for me to head back inside. Surely he could have withheld himself from going after it. At the very least he could have run off after it himself and left me outside on my own; I wasn't going to run away anywhere, and even if I tried, there would be no where for me to go, I'd be lost in a second.

He didn't reply. Instead, he firmly placed his hand over my mouth to the point where I could easily feel the pressure of it. My head automatically leaned backwards to make the position slightly more comfortable for me.

As he pushed me inside, I said a silent goodbye to the sun; there was no telling when I would see it again. When I was inside, he released me only to quickly look around outside before closing and locking the door. He turned to face me and stared blankly for several seconds before becoming more alert and coming towards me and pulling on my wrist.

I followed him as he dragged me back to my room, opening the door and almost flinging me inside. I had to catch myself so I didn't fall over.

He shut the door behind him and he came inside, to stand merely inches away from me. In a small, quiet voice that I could only barely hear he instructed, "Stay in this room. Don't dare come out until I tell you to do so."

He waited for me to give him some form of response so I nodded my head. He gave a short, sharp nod in return before walking out the door and pulling it gently shut without even a click.

Barely seconds had passed before I heard the opening of another door. Unable to resist, I pressed my ear against the thin wood of the door, hoping I would be able to hear something that would give me an idea what was going on. I regretted doing so instantly. I think I would definitely have preferred not knowing what was on the other side of the door.

It was only one word that James said, but a shiver went down my spine as I heard him utter this word.

"Victoria."

**OMC… Enter Victoria. Bella's been having it abit too easy of late, I think, so I'm sure we can all assume that here being there isn't going to be pleasant for Bella at all… but enough of that.**

**Anyone else seen New Moon yet? Can I just say… om nom nom (or yum, yum, whichever you prefer!) was exciting stuff I have to say, was a definite OMC moment at the end though, I wasn't too sure** **what I thought about that… hmm**.

**Thoughts on this chapter would be greatly appreciated! I love reading your reviews and I really wanna reach the 100 mark. Thank you =]**


	11. Chapter 11

**Happy Christmas Eve!  
So sorry I haven't updated for ages, I have valid excuses I promise, but I'm sure you don't really care all that much about them. All I know is, there's a coupld of people I promised that I would get the next chapter up by Christmas, so here it is.  
Thank you so much for reviewing the last chapter, was so happy to see we got past the 100 reviews mark, allows me to see that people appreciate my writing.  
Anyway, enough rambling, enjoy the chapter and have a good Christmas!**

**Chapter 10**

I backed away from the door slowly, hoping to create as little noise as possible, despite the fact that both James and Victoria had the ability to hear the movement easily.

My heart was pounding in my chest - it was almost loud enough for me to hear - as I fretted over the arrival of Victoria. I had only seen her once, but by her feline-like movements and from the insight I was given by Edward, I did know one thing: she was deadly. Possibly more so than James, and definitely more so than Laurent - the other vampire in their coven.

Did she know I was here? If so, was that the reason she was here now? How much worse would she make my life here? Or maybe she was just planning on ending it. If she didn't know about me yet, then she was going to find out, and soon. If she hadn't heard or smelt me yet, James would certainly tell her of my presence, especially if she were to be staying around for a while.

I wished I could hear them. I wanted to know what was going on, just so my imagination didn't run away with itself.

I lowered my self slowly to the floor, crossing my legs so I sat in the middle of the room. With extra care, I placed my hands gently to rest on top of my knees and gripped them with the tips of my fingers; there was no other way of resisting the urge to drum my fingers against them. I couldn't risk making a sound, not yet.

I stared at the door, my eyes trained on it as I expected either of the two vampires somewhere on the other sided of it to burst in at any moment. There wasn't much at all I could do if - oh hell, I mean when - it happened, but at least I could be prepared for it and faced it head on. Then I could truly prove Edward's beliefs that I was brave even if I didn't completely believe it.

I fought desperately with the urge to fidget but I didn't allow myself to succumb to the desire. My limbs were stiff, my hands and fingers rigid, even my back stayed in position. The only movement my body made were those that were involuntary: blinking, breathing, a slight twitch of my lips. Even those were minor though, barely noticeable unless someone was really paying attention which I was pretty damn sure they weren't.

Damn I'd be fucked if James had installed cameras in here or something that I had been to ignorant to notice.

My mind was messed up. I swear I was never this paranoid before.

I sighed before turning my gaze downwards towards my knees and the hands placed upon them. The second I realised what I'd just done I regretted it instantly. My eyes snapped up to the door again as I caught my lower lip between my teeth, nibbling on it nervously. I couldn't believe what was going through my mind, because I'd basically exhaled louder than normal. I felt like I was on the run, watching my back all the time for a criminal offence from the police.

There were a few things wrong with that thought though: a) I wasn't running anywhere, b) I'd sighed, not exactly criminal in anyway and c) James and Victoria were much more serious than the police and there was no way I could outrun them.

I squeezed my eyes tightly shut, trying to empty my head. It wasn't doing me any good worrying about it. What happened, happened now.

Much like I did when I first left with James, I thought about everyone I was leaving behind. The only difference this time was it all seemed so much more serious now that there was two of them. I knew if Victoria wanted me dead, James wouldn't hesitate to make that so.

It appeared to me that James and Victoria wouldn't be disturbing me just yet, so I allowed my head to hang - silently this time - giving me the opportunity to think.

I remembered the note I'd left for Edward, telling him how much I loved him. I wished there was some way I could have told him in person one last time. There was no way that could be expressed to the fullest on paper, no matter how hard I tried. I remembered the last time I talked to him on the phone… everything seemed so much closer to being resolved then. The last time I saw him in person. It shouldn't have been like that, no one's last meeting with the love of their life should ever be like that, though I expect I'm the only person - well, human - who's ever been in that situation before.

I sighed, remembering Alice and Jasper. They had been so good to me, helping me despite possibly putting their entire family at risk. Even Jasper, who still craved my blood was able to help protect me as best he could. I owed both of them so much, even just for the few days we were in Phoenix together.

I buried my head in my hands. The guilt I felt at the way I had left Charlie overwhelmed me. I hadn't really thought about it since I left, pushing it to the back of my mind, hoping I could resolve it before I had to think about it too much. So much for that idea. I couldn't help but wander what he thought of me now. There was no doubt that he would still love and care about me, but surely leaving him the same way my mother had left would have put a strain on any relationship we had.

I removed my head from where it rest in my hands when I heard a door slam shut. If I was right, it had come from upstairs but I wasn't completely sure. Either way, I wasn't yet faced with the two of them right then, so I was happy enough… all things considered.

I scraped my hands through my hair, pulling it all back into a ponytail before releasing it to flow around my shoulders. I repeated the action several times before I finally became bored and crossed my arms over my chest. It was surprising how tolerant I'd become of myself repetitively doing little things just to keep myself somewhat entertained while I'd been here.

I jumped in surprise when I heard something being smashed just outside the door.

Hesitantly I walked towards it, tip-toeing so as not to make a huge amount of noise. When I was merely inches away from it, I leaned my body forward, turned my head sideways and pressed my ear up against the hard surface. I squinted my lips to the side and kept my gaze sideways, towards the door trying to focus on what was on the other side.

I couldn't hear anything. In a vain attempt to hear better, I pressed my head harder against the wood, but it was useless. To my ears, there was silence.

Irritated, I turned my head so that my forehead was pressed against the door and held it there. When I got fed up of the position I was in, pulled away from the door, but only a little, but before I could get anywhere else, the door swung open with force and crashed into my face. From the impact, my body was thrown backwards, causing me to lose my balance and fall to the floor.

I was pretty sure there was no blood. I couldn't feel any running down my face, and I hadn't been hit anywhere particularly sensitive, so I was almost certain I was alright on that front. Just to be sure though, I reached up and ran my hand over my face. When my hand came back clean, I could have cried with relief despite the pain that was still there.

Pretty much at once, I heard both a shrill, high pitched laugh that made me uneasy the second it reached my ears and an angry growl of frustration.

Slowly, I lifted myself to sit up, leaning on my arms, not able to hold myself up as I was beginning to feel dizzy. I squinted as I looked in the direction of the sounds; my vision had become slightly blurred, but it was quite obvious to me - as it would have been to anyone - that James and Victoria were the source of the noises.

I looked towards the fuzzy figures stood before me, from what I could tell they were still stood in the doorframe. I closed my eyes and pressed the palm of my hand against my forehead, trying to relieve both the headache and the out of focus vision.

I heard the familiar click of the door closing softly, and hoped even in earnest that they had left me alone now that Victoria definitely knew of my presence. All hope of that was shattered when I opened my eyes again to see the two of them stood in front of the closed door.

My head still hurt - that was an understatement - but I tried to hide that I was that badly injured from the knock and fall.

As I was able to see a little clearer, I looked up at their faces. They both had a hint of calm to them, which both relieved and frightened me. James was looking down at me concerned, though his eyes often darted over to Victoria before returning to me again. He had his hands in his pockets on his jeans and was bent down ever so slightly. When I eventually made eye contact with him, he raised his eyebrows at me, I assumed in question to make sure I was okay; it was odd that I was able to understand what he was saying now, even without words. I curved one corner of my mouth upwards, only a little bit on response, hoping he would understand that I was okay, but I didn't want Victoria to notice anything that she may have found out of the ordinary.

Hesitantly, I turned my attention to Victoria, but made sure I kept it distant. I wouldn't allow any eye contact to occur between the two of us, or I would have exposed how truly scared and intimidated by her I was. She was leaning forwards slightly with her hands curled round into claw shapes, though it didn't seem that she was going to do anything to me just yet, it appeared that was just her natural stance. Her red mess of hair was wild and curly, making her look like something crazed and psychotic, come straight out of a nightmare. Her face was relatively relaxed, all things considered. She wasn't scowling or growling at me, just staring in curiosity, her head tilted to the side.

After examining the both of them, I averted my gaze to the floor and hung my head, allowing them to do whatever it was they wanted to do. I realised then that it didn't matter what I did, how hard I tried, there was no way I could do anything to either of them. I couldn't stop them if they wanted to hurt me, I simply wasn't strong or fast enough.

"Bella?" James said and I raised my eyes to meet his wordlessly. "Do you remember Victoria?" he asked.

I almost nodded, but not wanting to piss him off with her here I replied, "Yes, James."

He nodded once in approval before he continued, "Well…" he paused expectantly, though this time I had no idea what he expected of me. When I said nothing he added, "say 'hello'"

"Hello, Victoria." I said monotonously, not moving my eyes away from James'.

"Bella." James said in warning.

I inwardly rolled my eyes, at least avoiding the image of an immature child on the outside. I turned my gaze to her and noticed she had a smug smirk on her lips. When I didn't instantly say anything, she raised a single eyebrow at me. I really was starting to feel like a child, talking to people I didn't want to, simply because I was expected to.

I licked my lips before I complied to their wishes, "Hello, Victoria."

For some reason, she took this as an invitation to come closer to me, crouching lower and lower the closer she came. She stopped when she was mere inches away from me, her eyes level with mine. Her crimson red eyes - that I had just noticed matched her deep red hair - were looking piercingly into my brown ones.

She smiled at me, though there was no way it was at all sincere, and reached her hand out in front of her. I looked down at it and figured that she was expecting me to grasp it with mine and shake it in greeting.

I slowly moved my hand out to meet hers and had to withhold my gasp when her icy cold skin made contact with mine. I knew it was probably impossible, but she felt so much colder than any other vampire I had encountered before. It both literally and metaphorically sent chills through me.

She must have noticed the small jump I made when we made contact and she released a single laugh.

"It's a pleasure to meet you, Bella." She told me as she moved closer and inhaled deeply, most likely trying to get a better hint of my smell.

She licked her lips and turned her attention to James, not releasing my hand from hers. In fact, it was only her head that had moved at all, the rest of her body was still in exactly the same place as it had been when she was facing me. She had simply turned her head around as far as she could towards James, who stood behind her still where he stood when my vision became clear enough to see.

"She smells delicious up close, doesn't she?" She asked, sounding enthusiastic. However, with her tone of voice, her appearance combined with her new found enthusiasm just made her sound like a complete psycho, though I definitely wouldn't dare say that out loud.

I looked up at James, who was looking down at Victoria. "She does." he agreed, but didn't add anything further.

"Have you tasted her yet?" She asked curiously.

He looked over at me and caught my eye. He kept the contact as he answered, "I can't say that I have, actually."

Victoria turned her head back to me and I in turn, looked at her. Her irises had darkened considerably from their vibrant, crimson red to a near black, and my eyes widened. Her eyes in general had glazed over and she looked down at my wrist on the arm which hand she held.

I began taking sharp, shallow breaths, just trying not to hyperventilate. My entire body was tense and every nerve in my body was on edge, trying to protect itself, even though my mind knew there was no way of defending myself against her, my body prepared itself anyway.

I tried to pull my hand from her grasp, but it was no use. Her grip only tightened on me, so I stopped resisting, unable to take the pain her strength bought. I was pretty sure I was going to have a bruise, just from her fingers.

"It would be such a waste not to at least try it." she paused briefly, "What do you think James?"

I held my breath. Whatever he said would make a difference as to how the outcome affected me. If he said no, she would either go with his wishes and leave me alone, or try to attack me anyway while he protected me from her. There was however, a chance that he would tell her yes. Which meant that I'd either have one vampire trying to make a meal out of me while the other watched, or I'd be devoured by the both of them.

He looked down at me again and I had to choke back a sob; his eyes were apologetic, but they had also turned dark and hungry. This wasn't the same James I had gotten so used to recently, this was the James who kidnapped me in the first place.

I closed my eyes and allowed a single tear to fall from my cheek.

"I would say you were quite right, Victoria." He told her and I squeezed my eyes tightly, somehow hoping that would make it easier for me to deal with the consequences of his words.

I felt Victoria loosen her grip on my hand and trail her finger to my wrist, dragging her nail across the skin softly.

When it landed across my pulse point, she dug her blade-like nails into my skin and I gasped at the sting caused by the breaking of my skin. She dragged her nail across the width of my wrist, making my blood more accessible to her.

I couldn't allow myself to completely accept what was going on until I felt it. Not until it happened.

Not until Victoria bought my wrist to her mouth and began to suck hungrily at my blood.


	12. Chapter 12

**Sorry for the wait for this chapter, life's been crazy again. I wont bore you with the details, but I'm sorry.  
Anyway, when we last left Bella, she was in a bit of a situation... perhaps a slight understatement. All I can say is, this chapter MAY confuse. Just a slight warning there :)**

**Chapter 11**

I think if I was trying to be optimistic, I could say it might have been what giving blood or having a blood test would be like. Only there was more pain, more blood loss, more fear and a human (okay, ex-human) needle.

I felt dizzy. Too dizzy. I rested my head in the palm of my free hand, hoping to relieve myself of the feeling, though I knew there was no point; it wasn't going to go away this time. I didn't bother even trying to put up a fight against Victoria. There would be no way I could have gotten out of her hold and I would have just made it far more painful for myself than necessary. Besides, even if she did loosen her grip enough that I could break free and she didn't notice from a blood induced haze, James was still here, stood still by the door, unlikely to allow me to just waltz out of here like nothing had happened.

It had probably only been a few seconds since Victoria had sunk her teeth into me, but it was one of those moments where time goes so unbearable slowly, it may as well have been standing still.

My body was weakening enough for me to feel the physical impact her actions were having. My shoulders had hunched over and I was practically folded into myself uncomfortably.

It was odd though, how at the same time it felt like an almost outer body experience. I could see it happening and feel it happening - definitely feel it - but at the same time it was distant, not immediate. I assumed it must have been because of the heavy, faint feeling I had from blood loss but I couldn't be entirely sure.

Despite knowing that I was going to lose consciousness anyway, I wanted to reduce the impact when that happened, just to reassure myself. I still had a little control over my body, and I wasn't going to waste that. As slowly and gently as I could, I lowered my body sideways, leaving my arm in the grasp of Victoria, not allowing me to become completely comfortable but much less effort. I rested my head on my arm and restricted in the sobs and gasps of pain that fought to be released.

With heavy eyes, I looked over at James. He was staring back at me, a blank expression covering his face. He was looking into my eyes - I assumed he was anyway - and I couldn't help but wander what he saw. Pain? Pleading? Emptiness? I didn't think it mattered. Victoria's arrival seemed to completely overrule my well-being in his mind.

I allowed my eyes to drift closed, simply feeling, waiting to finally lose consciousness. The hardness on the floor against my side, an aching head and the blood leaving my body through the slit in my wrist were the only things I could think of as I eventually faded into the deep black.

* * *

_I blinked my eyes open, once. Twice. Three times._

_I was lying on my back, something almost soft beneath me. My eyes were looking hazily at a ceiling. As much as they wished to, I resisted the urge to allow my gaze to wander from there just yet; I didn't know why._

_I curled and uncurled my toes and fingers, as though trying to get used to the feeling. As my fingers curled, a soft yet coarse material wrinkled up under the movements. Briefly I closed my eyes, and when I opened them, focused them on the odd material below my digits. _

_It was a bedspread, I realised. I allowed my eyes to drift across the area surrounding my body; I was lying on a bed. But it wasn't just any bed, it was _my_ bed. My bed back in my bedroom in Forks. _

_I closed my eyes once again and pressed the palm of my hand to my forehead and pressed down hard. There was a dull, deep humming noise sounding in my ears and a slight ache in my head._

_Something was seriously off here. One second, I was having my blood sucked by Victoria in James' house, the next thing I know, I'm safe and sound back at home._

_After a minute or two trying to relieve the only slight ache in my head, I gave up with a sigh, throwing my arm back down to my side. I opened my eyes once again and found myself still in exactly the same place. I think I had almost expected myself to wake up back where I was supposed to be in that moment of time._

_Slowly, I sat myself up, using my arms as support. They almost gave way when I looked over to see Edward sat at the end of the bed, looking worriedly at me. _

_I cocked my head to the side and knotted my eyebrows together curiously. What was going on? I suppose I could have been dreaming, but this didn't have the same feel to it as a dream normally does. It felt too real, too unlike any other dream I'd had before. It wasn't as if I was complaining - I mean, Edward was here - but an explanation wouldn't have gone amiss. _

"_Are you alright?" Edward's silky voice asked as he reached over and brushed my hair back behind my ear softly. Automatically, I leaned into his hand and his thumb caressed my skin soothingly, causing me to sigh._

"_Fine, now." I told him and he smiled that crooked smile that made me weak at the knees. Or at least it would have done, had I been standing._

_All of a sudden, a pained look crossed Edward's face. I was about to ask him what was wrong when he pulled himself forwards so he was kneeling between my legs and he pressed his lips softly to mine. Wanting him closer, I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled myself so my body was flush against his. _

_Typical of Edward though, he didn't allow it to get too out of hand. I felt him smile against my lips, yet he pulled at my arms with minimal effort and released my grip on him. As he pushed me away, holding my arms down by my sides, he lay down beside my place on the bed, and pulled me to his side._

"_Same old, Bella." He said, "You seriously overrate my self control." he teased and kissed the tip of my nose._

_I rolled my eyes, "You're self control is remarkable, Edward." retorted and he chuckled, shaking his head._

_We fell into a comfortable silence after that. I lay beside him, his arm wrapped around my shoulders and I buried my face into his shoulder, inhaling his scent. I could feel him toying with a strand of my hair, twisting it round his fingers. Every now and then he would lean down and place a kiss on the top of my head or to my temple. _

"_Bella?" Edward whispered just as I felt I could easily fall asleep. I hummed in response and he continued, "I miss you, so much." he told me._

_I snuggled closer to him, "I missed you too." I replied honestly before releasing a sigh._

_It only took me a few more seconds that his "miss" had been present tense, whereas mine had been in the past. I couldn't figure out why it bothered me that much, it just simply did. _

"_It's been horrible whilst you've been gone." I told him, "I'm assuming you don't know." I added as an afterthought._

_I felt his body tense considerably before he replied stiffly, "I know most of it."_

_It was my turn to tense then. I had to assume from his response that he knew the things he didn't want to know. I assumed that the first few days I was with James at least were a mystery to him. I wasn't sure if I should tell him or not, but I stayed quiet then, not wanting to add to the list of thing I guessed he did know. Along with the things he probably should know: when I got hit, when James bit me, the loneliness and the tears, he would probably know what I would rather he didn't: the… _incident_ that whilst allowing me to experience pleasure, caused me a great deal of regret._

_I didn't say anything more, just stayed in his arms, willing myself to enjoy the feeling once again._

_I don't know how long we lay there. I could have been minutes or hours; that wasn't what was important. The important thing in this was that after however long it was - myself content in Edward's arms - he pulled himself away from me, leaving me lying on the bed by myself._

_I looked up at him, questioning him with my eyes. He returned my gaze with the most intense look in his eyes, I could hardly comprehend it. _

_He kneeled down beside the bed, next to where my head rested on my pillow. Once again, he pulled my head gently towards his and pressed his lips to mine. It was terrifyingly like the one we shared before I left Forks; desperate, urgent, filled with too many meanings._

_I felt tears begin to prick at my eyes and eventually, they managed to escape. Edward pulled away only just enough so our lips were no longer connected and wiped caringly at my tears._

"_Please, don't cry." He whispered, though it appeared as though if he had the ability to, he would be crying too._

_I grasped desperately at his shirt, knowing that he was about to leave. I knew it was all in vain - hew was far stronger than I - but I tried nonetheless. He easily released himself from my grip and backed away slowly._

"_I love you, Bella." He told me and a flood more tears released themselves._

"_I love you too." I told him before he disappeared and I was left alone again in my bedroom._

_I hugged the pillow and allowed myself to cry. It was both the best and worst thing for me to be doing; releasing some tension but allowing my emotions to get to me. Though at that moment, I didn't care._

_A cool breeze blew around me and I opened my eyes to see that the room around me was dissolving before my eyes. As I once again disappeared into the blackness, I screamed._


	13. Chapter 13

**Okay, I am so, so sorry for the delay in updating. All I can say is that I've had a lot going on here and haven't had much of a chance to update. **

**Thank you to all of you who are keeping up with this story and particularly to fprm for the message, making me realise I couldn't put off the update any longer and motivated me to update today. I want to finish this story and I will.**

**Also, just some quick explanations for the last chapter as I know some of you were confused: yes, Edward was a dream, but it was important as you may see in this chapter. What happened to Victoria for her to end up where she is will also be explained here. The Cullens… well as you know, this is only from Bella's point of view and she is clueless. I know exactly what the Cullens are up to, and slowly but surely it will be revealed. They'll return in a chapter or 2. But keep in mind, James does have some answers, its probably better if I let him explain.**

**Again I'm sorry for the delay. After that long AN, here's the next chapter.**

**Chapter 12**

I sat bolt upright as I escaped from the almost encasing darkness. My breathing was laboured and my heart was racing, I felt sick and dizzy and my head was pounding. I had a dull pain in my wrist but I did not inspect it.

My eyes were focused straight ahead; on James to be precise.

My memory of what had happened before passing out was slowly but surely returning to me. Victoria had arrived - turning James against me - and tried to kill me. Though I was thankful she hadn't succeeded, I was mortified that James had allowed it to get so close. Besides, where was she now? How did I manage to escape death yet again?

"Bella?" James asked and I narrowed my eyes at him.

"What?" I answered impatiently.

He released a puff of air unnecessarily and came towards me, kneeling down in front of where I sat, meaning I had to look down at him. My anger was briefly replaced with confusion as I wondered how that could be possible, until I looked down and saw that I was sat on the bed in the bedroom he had at one point refused to let me into. Once I had made this revelation, I narrowed my eyes at him once again and let the anger take control.

"How do you feel?" He asked almost sincerely, but it simply made my jaw clench.

"Brilliant." I replied sarcastically, "Who wouldn't be in my situation? It's great. Really."

He cocked his head to one side and placed his hands on either side of me on the bed. "I really am sorry for letting her-" he started but I cut him off.

"Are you serious?" I growled, "You just stood there and watched her almost kill me and your fucking sorry?" I shouted as he sat there looking guilty. I should think he felt guilty as well.

He shook his head, "I know there's nothing I can do to make you believe I'm sincere and regret not doing anything sooner." he paused, "I needed to gain some self control before I intervened, Bella. I was thirsty." he stopped and shook his head again.

I waited to see if he would continue before I asked, "If you were so thirsty, why didn't you help her out?" I sneered at him and a look of pain etched across his features, though I didn't take back my words.

"I don't _want_ to kill you, Bella. I don't want you to lose your life. Surely you know that." His eyes were pleading but I fought on.

"If that were true you wouldn't be able to watch someone else attempt to take it away." I retorted.

He grasped my wrists tightly, which caused me to wince from the pain that hadn't dissolved from the bite wound. I tried in a vain attempt to escape from his grasp, but my struggle caused him to further tighten his grasp, making the pain worse. My head began to spin and my stomach heaved; I was fighting a losing battle against my body not to throw up.

James must have noticed my discomfort as he released his hold on me and I jumped up from where I sat, dodged ungracefully around him and ran down the stairs towards the bathroom. I knelt down and leaned over the bowl, emptying what little contents there were in my stomach.

Even when it was completely empty it took time for the convulsions to stop.

When I was done, I leaned back against the bathroom wall, spreading my legs in front of me. I allowed my head to flop back against the wall also, keeping my gaze upwards, so that I wouldn't have to look directly at James, who I had just noticed was standing by the door.

He came closer and I closed my eyes, blocking him out. I felt his freezing hands rest on my forehead, which was oddly relieving against my bodies raised temperature.

"You're warm." He informed me, "I mean of course that you're warmer than usual; you always feel warm to me."

I gave a small, soft nod to show him that I heard and understood, but I neither opened my eyes or gave a vocal response. After a couple more seconds, he removed his hand and sat beside me; I could feel the cool of his arm against mine.

"I'm guessing you won't be going anywhere for a while?" he asked and I shook my head no. "Good." he continued, "I want to explain myself. I know you do not want to hear it, but please, hear me out okay?"

I sighed, knowing I didn't really have a choice anyway. I opened one eye - the one closest to him - and turned my head so I could see him and gave another short nod before returning to my previous position.

He paused before he began, "Victoria's gone." he told me.

"Where?" I asked weakly.

He sighed, "I'd rather not go into it." he paused again and I was about to argue the case when he continued, "That doesn't mean I won't tell you; it just means I don't want to." he sighed, "she's dead."

I furrowed my brow and looked at him again, "How?"

"That is something I'm not going to tell you. At least, not now. It's not important." he ran his hands through his hair, "All you need to know is that as soon as I realised you were unconscious, I dealt with her."

I lowered my gaze to the floor, considering the fact that she was now dead. I didn't find an issue with it, though I did have some questions, following both that and my… dream.

"Why was she here?" I asked curiously, raising my eyes.

He met my gaze and something that looked like regret was hidden within the shining red of his eyes; I hated that I was so used to those eyes already.

"She was in hiding." he answered, but did not elaborate.

"From who?" I pressed. Were the Cullens still after her? Maybe they were nearby. The simple thought made me almost giddy, as much as I didn't want to be too hopeful.

"The Cullens." James confirmed my suspicions, making me feel elated. He continued, "they followed her near enough everywhere she went, but never actually caught her. She suspected they were only doing it to trap her somewhere she wouldn't be able to get out of, though of course she wasn't sure about that." he explained.

I cocked my head to the side, "Are they near?"

"Nearer than I'd like, by the sounds of it. When they pick up Victoria's scent, it will lead them here." He lowered his head into his hands sadly, "I'm not really sure what to do about it."

I didn't answer. I knew I wanted to leave with the Cullens, but there was no way I was going to say it; if he didn't know it then I wasn't going to provoke the issue. I wandered if it would come to a fight and winced at the image my head had come up with. What if there was only one of them? What if it was Alice? I couldn't picture little Alice in a fight against James; surely that would be entirely uneven. Even the same if it was Esme.

I'm sure - despite my worries - that any of them could provide an equal opponent for James realistically. I worried though that perhaps, if they knew about what had happened here, they wouldn't want to fight for me anymore.

Tears welled in my eyes and I blinked furiously against them, I wouldn't allow them to fall. I still followed James' original rules - well not the ones he changed, but the rest of them - whether he still took note of them or not. Therefore I would not cry for my heart wrenching thoughts.

"Is there, by any small chance, even a little part of you that would want to stay?" James asked hopelessly.

I bit down nervously on my lower lip. In all honesty, there had been a small part of me that had wanted to stay with him; this new, more caring captor who looked after me. Perhaps even now, there was still part of me who wanted to stay. However, I knew that at any moment, there was a chance that he would revert back to his old ways. That he would beat me and terrify me if I did something wrong.

Obviously, I had taken too long to respond because the next thing I knew, he was knelt in front of me, capturing my gaze. He leaned forward and kissed my forehead and pulled away again.

"Do you think you will be sick again?" he asked and I shook my head no.

He nodded and allowed himself to place his arms beneath me, and lift me gently from where I was sat. He ran us at vampire speed back upstairs to the bedroom and placed me down on the bed so I was sat in the middle. I didn't move, other than to bring my knees up so I could hug them to my chest.

I watched him cautiously as he moved to sit behind me, wrapping his arms around my body. I stiffened, though he didn't seem to notice or care, he simply tightened his hold on me, pressing my back against his chest.

He placed his lips against my neck and I concentrated on regulating my breathing; knowing that this was no time to panic; I simply didn't like it.

He kissed my neck and I grimaced, not appreciating his behaviour and I wandered how far he would take it now. He had been controlled recently, but that couldn't mean anything much; I would have to see where it went.

We continued to sit like this for some time. I couldn't get my mind off of the fact that he was not Edward anymore, the dream had only emphasised how much I missed him and James was no longer able to take my mind away from that fact. As James' kisses became more frequent, I at least tried to imagine that it was Edward behind me, but I wasn't able to fool myself for long.

My eyes filled with tears again, knowing I couldn't escape his hold, but I refused to let them fall. That is, until he said, "Relax, my pet."


	14. Chapter 14

**I can't believe I have to say this again but I'm sorry for the wait. I've decided real life is a pain in the ass for writing.  
However, I've reached summer now, so I will probably have more time to write, no exams, work etc. and thank you for still keeping up with the story and leaving me your reviews, they gave me the motivation I needed to keep writing, even if it was only in little bits at a time.**

**Chapter 13**

My cheeks dampened severely, the tears I shed hurling themselves down my face; it really did irritate me how much I cried here. I shouldn't have let my emotions get the better of me, but it was so easy to do so, his words affected me in so many negative ways.

James ceased moving his lips across my neck, but I felt his hand come up and wipe my cheeks. He kept his hand held out in front of him so that I could still see it; I assumed he was examining the wetness of my tears. He was completely silent and still as a statue, before he released a low, angry growl against my ear. I squeezed my eyes closed at the sound, dreading what it meant, but nothing happened. my breathing was verging on uncontrollable, though there was no instant reaction other than his menacing growl.

I felt myself being effortlessly lifted and placed back down on one side of the bed. Hesitantly I opened my eyes and sneaked a peek towards James. He was staring at me curiously, making me somewhat uncomfortable. I averted my eyes to his clenched fists and eyed them warily, very aware of what he was capable of.

After a moment or two, he relaxed his fists and settled his palms face down on his thighs, though it did little to reassure me. I raised my eyes to his face; he was still staring at me as he had been before.

He tilted his head to one side and turned his body so he was sitting opposite me. He raised his arms so that he could rest his hands firmly on my shoulders and pushed himself forward, putting pressure against me and forcing me backwards into a horizontal position.

I wrapped my arms around myself, an attempt in vain to make myself feel more protected from any advances he may have made; I hated the extra vulnerability of my position.

His face showed little emotion, though if I had not seen his eyes I would have said he was quite calm. His eyes showed a different story; they were piercing, hard and almost glaring down at me. The only assurance I had was that his eyes were still shining red; I would have expected them to have darkened considerably in his apparent anger.

It wasn't a great assurance, but I would take whatever I could get.

He ran his hands down my arms from my shoulders, across to my hips and down the outsides of my legs to my feet where he stopped them. He grasped my feet and pressed his thumbs into their soles, making circular motions. The gentleness of his actions however did not calm me, just made me more confused, though it was, I had to admit, quite a nice feeling.

I averted my eyes back up to the ceiling, not really wanting to watch him anymore, so it was a slight shock when he moved his hands to softly stroke my legs. I let out a yelp of surprise which caused him to growl impatiently. I pressed my lips tightly together to avoid repeating the sound.

He wrapped his hands around my knees and pulled my body towards his so that he was kneeling more securely between my thighs and I released a puff of breath.

"Ouch!" I said when he eventually took hold of my chin a little too firmly.

He pulled back, releasing my chin before he angrily put a dent in the bed's frame with his fist. I squeezed my eyes tightly shut in order to stop the tears of fright escape, clearly having pushed him too far already.

I felt James' hands take my wrists, unwrap my arms from myself and hold my hands above my head on the pillows, keeping them there in an iron-like lock. His breath hit the skin of my throat heavily, as his face neared.

His lips pressed down softly once before leading a trail up to my lips. I struggled against him, thrashing my head violently in any direction I could in order to avoid his kiss, but it only made him more livid. He growled menacingly, tightening his hold on my wrists until it hurt. He removed on hand, so he held both my wrists together in one and held my chin once more, only less aggressively this time. The hold was tight enough to keep me still though.

Finally, losing the battle, I had to allow for his lips to touch mine. It was not gentle, and actually the amount of pressure he was forcing upon me was enough to hurt me. There was no way I was able to push back and release some of the pressure and I felt my head sink deeper into the pillow which it rested on.

I opened my mouth as much as I could under the pressure, giving me just a little bit of a release and he hummed in an animalistic way before forcing his tongue to mine. Remembering my mechanical responses I used to have to use constantly with him, I responded to his actions with little emotion. I could not allow myself to openly express the fear, disgust and pain I felt at that moment, just allow him to pretend that he thought I was enjoying this. It would be less difficult that way.

The confusion though didn't want to disappear. He was mad, yet he was kissing me, passionate and forceful. It wasn't like I had no experience of this version of James, it was just odd that he had returned now when it had been so long since he had acted this way.

I had been convinced we were past this.

I knew he was stressed. He claimed to be concerned for my safety when Victoria had been here, and she herself had been no help either. He also mentioned the Cullens to be nearby, perhaps a cause for his concern, and he didn't want me to leave, so he said.

Surely stress was no reason for him to return to these ways.

Although until this now, he had been sure I had no way of escape. To have that certainty taken away so suddenly from nowhere must be a curious and almost terrifying experience. Of course, that was if he honestly didn't want me to leave, although I didn't have any evidence against that.

I fought hard to resist the urge to tense up when his hand that had been holding my face moved down to stroke my stomach and every so often graze my breasts. When his other hand released my wrists, I did not make any attempts to move them somewhere more comfortable, only relaxed them slightly to relieve some of the ache his hold had left.

He moved his now free hand down to cup my ass before he tugged on my shorts, pulling them down over my hips, causing me to really tense. I still remembered the last time James had resorted to stripping me of my clothes and, despite having come to enjoy it, I hated that it had happened now. James was not my Edward and I hated the thought of having been completely submissive to his actions.

He wrapped his arms around me and lifted me so I was hovering just inches above the bed. I felt him pull my shirt upwards in short, sharp, impatient movements until my currently unsupported chest was revealed.

He placed me back down onto the bed and pulled my shirt completely off. Taking a few deep breaths, I plucked up enough courage to open my eyes again, seeing him gazing down at my mostly unclothed body, his teeth bared. I could feel the blood rush to my cheeks in embarrassment and his eyes looked swiftly back up to my face.

He smiled at my reaction, releasing a dark laugh before placing a kiss to each of my breasts and pulling my shorts clean off my legs.

Taking the opportunity I had whilst he had moved to my side, I crossed my legs one over the other to prevent him from returning to his original position. Having done so, I took a further look at his face and he raised an eyebrow at me as I folded my arms across my chest.

He began to unbutton his shirt and I turned my head in the opposite direction, not wanting to see what I knew was a well sculpted figure.

I felt the bed shift and his legs were on either side of me, his body straddling mine. He took my hands and placed them against his hard chest, gliding them up around his shoulders and left them slumped there as I neither fought back or complied willingly. He leaned down and returned his lips to mine as they had been, pressing his torso to mine firmly so our bodies were moulded together.

I had to fight my emotions, battling both fear yet at the same time desire, which was growing slowly. I barely wanted to acknowledge that particular feeling.

His hand ran around over my ass, down to my knee and hitched it up over his hips, both uncrossing my legs and allowing him to settle between my thighs, pressing against me.

I once again had to fight the urge to allow him to get the better of me. I was completely tense now, on high alert, caging up all feeling. I didn't understand how or why I let him affect me so much, but it was starting to irritate me.

He sat himself up after a while, allowing my arms to fall lifelessly to my sides.

He reached down and unbuckled the belt of his jeans, pulling it off completely. He was about to lean down once more but he froze, not one part of him moving; a statue once more.

His nostrils flared and he began to sniff the air, taking large, long whiffs of whatever scent he had detected.

Suddenly, he jumped up and looked out the window, opening it and sticking his head out so he could catch the smell better. After a minute he growled and turned to face me, his eyes piercing and angry.

I sat up, quickly, fear engulfing me just from his look.

He rushed around the room, throwing my clothes back to me and putting his shirt back on his back. He closed the window swiftly, causing it to thud when it reached the frame. I redressed my self and ran my shaking hand through my hair, assuming something dangerous was nearby.

James growled once more before standing at the end of the bed and looking me in the eye, a look of pain clouding his features.

"Looks like you finally got your wish." He started, "The Cullens have found you." was his explanation.

I looked at him wide-eyed with shock before exhaling a sigh of relief.


	15. Chapter 15

**An update so soon? This hasn't happened for a while, plus it's the longest chapter yet!  
****I will just mention there's an important AN at the bottom, but until then…**

**Chapter 14**

I almost couldn't believe they were here.

I'd spent time considering what it would be like if they found me. What I would do, what James would do, or them, if and when they came here, knowing where I was. So much time thought about it in fact that I had come to believe there was a chance that it would never happen.

I was wrong.

James had the oddest expression still on his face. It was near-enough frantic, panic shadowing his features, yet at the same time he looked almost guilty. Like he felt as though he shouldn't feel that way. I understood how he felt, to an extent.

My mind wandered, I very much doubted they would all be here, the Cullens I mean; there would be no point and would probably be too suspect back home. It was more a matter of who would be here.

Esme definitely wasn't here, that much was for certain. It wasn't like her to become involved in anything too confrontational unless absolutely necessary; she would have stayed home and kept up appearances for the rest of nosey Forks. No, I'd be surprised to see Esme here.

Or Rosalie. Not for the same reasons though, more because she hated me enough not to give a shit what happened to me. Okay, that was probably a bit harsh, but true enough; if she had cared about me at all, it was only for Edward's benefit. The only reason she'd be here now is if Alice had seen some of the events that had happened here and Rosalie had found out and decided to tag along in the hope of finding me so she could hurt me some more.

James released yet another growl of anger and frustration, clenching his fists at his sides. His eyes were trained on me, unmoving from my face, looking almost deep in thought.

"I want you to stay here." He told me in a low, menacing voice. "I will call you down when I'm ready for you to come down. Do you understand?" he asked.

My eyes widened in fright, wondering why I would be unable to move until he told me to do so, wanting to know what he was planning for them. I gulped nervously, but nodded anyway, not having much else I could say or do.

He licked his lips once before he set his eyes on the window, looking outwards. He nodded to himself once before he approached me and placed a firm, yet tender kiss to my lips then another to my forehead. He reached down to put his shirt back on his back before he walked away at human pace out the door and down the dark staircase.

I took a deep breath and looked down at my completely naked body. Although no one was here, I blushed deeply, embarrassed just by having forgotten already about my unclothed state.

Slowly, I pulled myself into a standing position, pulling back on my clothes that James had merely minutes ago stripped me of.

Once I was fully clothed, I sat back on the bed, pulling my knees up to my chest and hugging them to me, holding them there. I rested my head on top of them and waited for the call that I could move.

Just to find out who was down there.

Just to find out what the hell was going on.

I hadn't heard anything from downstairs either, other than the door opening and closing, only a second or two after James had descended to the lower floor.

I suppose it was a good thing, that there had been no noise; it meant they weren't fighting or tearing each other to shreds. It was, however, highly irritating. I just wanted to know what was going on, just an inkling of an idea as to how much longer I was going to be stuck up here on my own.

I expected they were talking in there vampiric quiet, rushed voices just to make it even more difficult for me to hear. I mean, I wouldn't have heard anyway, even if they were talking at the same volume they would talk to me, it was just the whole principle of it.

I sighed, turning my head to the side, so my cheek rested against my knees instead, growing impatient and bored. I knew realistically, I hadn't really been on my own that long, but I was anticipating my ability to see the Cullens again and I expected that if I even tried to move now, I would be tempted to march right down those stairs and demand an explanation.

"You can come down now, my pet." James' voice travelled slowly up to my ears, though my reaction was a lot more hesitant than I had expected.

Why had he called me that? That was something that was worrying me, though I assumed it was simply to irritate the rest of them.

It wasn't the only thing I was worried about.

I worried the Cullens would be pissed with me, unbelievably so. I was worried about what had happened in the short time they had been downstairs together, and for some reason that I could barely decipher, I was worried about why they hadn't tried to rip each other to shreds yet. Surely that was the point?

I took each step one at a time, slowly putting on foot in front of the other.

As I reached the top of the stairs, I refused to look downwards, not quite prepared to see who was here - and who wasn't.

Yet again, I took one step at a time, making sure I had both feet firmly on each step before I attempted to descend down to the next one. It must have been frustrating for them, waiting for the weak, frail human to walk down the stairs at a snail's pace. I didn't care.

I kept my eyes downwards, watching the steps my feet took until there were no stairs left to descend. When I stopped I took a deep breath before I raised my head and consequently my eyes.

The three Cullens who were there were stood by the door, their eyes were on me, assessing me both curiously and worriedly. The Cullen closest to me sighed in relief and smiled softly at me, a gesture I attempted to return, though I couldn't say how convincing it was.

I licked my lips and turned my gaze towards James, who too was eyeing me intently.

"Come here, my pet." He commanded me, his arm outstretched and I hesitantly complied.

I stood at his side and he draped his outstretched arm around my shoulders, clinging me to him. I noticed how the fists of one of the two Cullen men clenched tightly into fists at the contact James made with me, probably the fact that I was under his control and allowed him without a fuss to control me. He probably forgot that I wasn't strong enough to defend myself.

James bent down so his lips rested by my ear and I bit down on my lower lip, fearing the shaking breaths I was beginning to take.

"I've met one of your friends before." He told me in a hushed whisper that was almost menacing. I don't know why he bothered; they could all hear him perfectly clearly anyway. "Not just when I first lay eyes on you in the clearing, either. A long, long time ago."

My eyes darted to his quickly and he grinned darkly at me. Slowly, I turned my attention back to the Cullens, wondering which of them it was, they had all been around a hell of a long time. It could have been any of them, and none of their expressions gave it away; in fact, they all looked about as curious as I felt.

"W-which one?" I stuttered my question, nervously, yet still forced myself to voice it.

He chuckled menacingly but did not answer. I looked each of the Cullens in the eye, hoping one of them would - or could - answer instead. It didn't look like it. I raised my eyebrows at each of them, yet all of them shook their heads unknowingly in response to my question.

I sighed and lowered my gaze.

"Oh, look at that, they don't even remember me." James said in mock disappointment, "It would have been fun reminiscing." he paused, "I can't say I'm that surprised, it was in another life, after all." he informed us.

That was what gave it away. Just that little statement about it being another life and that particular Cullen - if I was right in my assumptions - had figured out it was them.

Her eyes went wide with realisation. I wanted to know why, I wanted to know what had happened and why it seemed so terribly significant.

"It was you, wasn't it?" Alice asked, almost in shock, "It was you who changed me, wasn't it?"

My mouth gaped in understanding; that's what he had meant by another life. As in her old, _human_ life.

A low growl escaped her lips that sounded terribly out of place coming from Alice, though was just as terrifying as it would have been coming from any of the other three vampires in the room.

James laughed once again from beside me as the two other Cullens glared at James. I didn't know where to look, or what to do with myself. I crossed my arms over my chest and kept my gaze glued to the floor, not wanting to look at any of them anymore.

"I'm surprised you don't remember me." James stated almost uncaringly, "Not that it matters all that much." he tightened his hold on me slightly, "You were absolutely delicious though." he sneered.

Another growl and a bit of a struggle came from where the Cullens stood. With too much curiosity, I raised my eyes once again to see Alice being held back by the others with all their effort. They were whispering into her ears, slowly but surely calming herself down.

When she had calmed enough, she was released from their hold and she caught my gaze, sympathetically. "I'm sorry, Bella." she started, "I just," she paused for several moments "I never knew - about how I was changed I mean. I never knew who did it, I don't remember anything about it." she quickly glared at James once more before returning her attention to me, "Besides, he's already pissed me off enough by taking you, this just makes it worse."

I didn't know what to say to her. It's not like I had been through the same thing before and I was pretty shocked as it was. All I did was nod, smile softly and say "It's okay."

She smiled back at me, though it was tight and definitely forced.

She leaned into Jasper's side, taking comfort in his open arms. I couldn't help but smile at them from where I stood, most of me craving to be stood with them so that we could just finally get out of here and put this stress behind us.

I say _most_ because there was, I had to admit it at least to myself, that there was a very small part of me right now that resented the fact that James and I had been found. The small part that wanted to stay with him; tell them some excuse as to why it would be better if I stayed. Only a small part though.

We stood there in silence, the vampires casting horrifying looks at each other, yet neither of them taking any action against the other. If it was all on my account, why didn't they just take care of it while I was upstairs? I assumed this issue wasn't going to be solved without some kind of fight; that seemed to me to be just the way it was here.

This was getting just a little bit irritating. I wanted to know what was going on and I was going to find out. _Deep breath, Bella_.

I sighed, "What's going on?" I asked softly.

The Cullens all shared a glance before looking pointedly at James. I too turned my gaze to him and he looked me in the eye, as though he was trying to read my thoughts, much as Edward did.

After I don't know how long, he turned his head towards the others before turning my body around to face his square on, effectively blocking the rest of them out of our bubble.

He licked his lips and smiled a tight lipped smile at me, why was everything so forced?

"You can go back with them." He told me bluntly, no messing about. He ran his hands up and down my arm, "I want to fight for you, you know that." he added, so quietly, I could barely hear him, but I just about did, "I know you want to go with them, though. I won't force you to stay here against your will any longer, not now you have a choice."

I felt tears prick at my eyes, the part of me that wanted to stay bursting to the surface suddenly.

Strangely, I didn't want to fight it at all. Screw his rules and screw my pride; I allowed the tears to fall freely down my face, not embarrassed or ashamed or anything else I probably should have been feeling. I didn't even look away from him, at least not away from his face, I couldn't quite bring myself to look him in the eyes in this state.

I felt his cool hand wipe my tear-stained cheeks delicately, though in vain as the tears were willing to battle on through his attempts at ridding them from my face. He was smiling sadly down at me, his bright red eyes looking as tender and gentle as I could ever imagine them to look.

This was so confusing. As glad as I was that I'd allowed my emotion to escape, I was now completely miserable. I almost wished he'd punish me for shedding my tears. Almost. Though I knew he wouldn't have, there was no point and it would only cause a commotion with present company.

He sighed, looking defeated now. He lowered his face so it was level with mine and moved himself closer so that his nose was just touching mine. His eyes were questioning and I could guess what he was about to do. I probably should have said no, just to be easier on him, myself and the Cullens who would have to see this, or at least be around for it.

I couldn't bring myself to be that selfless, though. I nodded, somewhat reluctantly given the circumstances, and he pressed his lips to mine, probably for the last time. I didn't need to be mechanical now, for the time-being, my pro-James side was fully dominant and she wanted to relish in this moment before we left and I could push her aside - hopefully for good.

I unashamedly placed my hands on his waist, just to hold him, despite never really having properly done so, not with real consent either. In response, he wrapped his arms around me, his arms creating a barrier which I couldn't escape from, even if I wanted to. I knew it was stupid and I didn't want James - not really, not completely - but I couldn't help myself now, it was impulsive and instinctive and emotional all at once. I tightened my hold on him also, just to bring him closer to me, to hold him more securely as he was doing to me. It was a kiss of parting, not overly passionate yet no where near chaste.

Bringing it to an end, he pulled away and pressed two more soft pecks to my lips, before placing another on each of my cheeks and my forehead. Without letting me go, he turned to the Cullens, so my back was to them.

"Don't look so disgusted." He sneered at them angrily, "All I asked for was a proper goodbye."

It took them a short while to respond, although it was Carlisle this time who spoke, for the first time actually since I'd been down here, "We don't mean anything by it." he said in true, peace making Carlisle fashion, causing me to smile through the still flowing tears, "We agreed to your terms, and you were lucky we let her near you again at all. Time for your end of the bargain." he finished, true authority in just the tone of his voice.

I felt James nod as he tightened his hold on me, only for a second before he let me go. I barely knew what to do with myself, it was hard to bring myself to look at Alice, Jasper or Carlisle after allowing them to have witnessed my goodbye to James.

When I did, their expressions surprised me. I expected them to be confused or angry or hurt, but they didn't. They were smiling at me again, with caring, understanding looks in their eyes, Alice even held her arms open to me.

I wiped my cheeks of the dampness of my tears. There were still some falling from my eyes, although they were less frequent now, only the odd tear here and there. I walked towards them hesitantly, right into Alice's outstretched and welcoming arms, making the tears flow all the more smoothly again. I'd forgotten simply how much I had missed her in my absence.

Her hair, which still flicked in all directions tickled my nose slightly, causing me to readjust the angle. It was just the simple stuff I missed like this even, just the littlest things making me so, so glad to see her again, along with all the different emotions I was feeling at the same time.

It was then that I remembered Jasper and realised that he was feeling every single thing I felt, as well as Alice, James, Carlisle and himself.

I released Alice and turned to look at him with an apologetic glance, "I'm sorry." I told him.

He looked at me curiously, "I know." he cocked his head to the side, "but why?"

I smiled and wiped my eyes once more before I raised an eyebrow at him, "I think you know why. It can't have been fun putting up with me in this emotional state." I shrugged.

He smiled and tapped the tip of my nose, not allowing himself any more physical contact than that, I'd forgotten temporarily also that he was still struggling with the whole blood lust thing; how was he not fed up of me? "It's always nice to have a more exotic emotional climate to be around, I haven't been quite so on my toes for a while."

Carlisle placed a hand on his shoulder as he stepped in beside Alice to wrap his arm around my shoulder in a fatherly manner, "We could barely tell as well." he informed Jasper with a smile.

Jasper nodded, "Shall we get out of here then?"

Carlisle nodded and Alice, one step ahead of everyone as always, had already got the door opened and was standing outside, waiting for us to follow. Jasper and Carlisle willingly followed her instantly, but I tentative in my escape. I turned my head back towards James and saw the heart-wrenching look on his face.

Tears stung my eyes again as I raised my hand to wave at him. He nodded back and whispered "I'll see you soon." as he backed away to lean against the door which I had previously been constantly trapped behind.

I turned away from him, curious as to his choice of words, but ignored it, not wanting to make myself feel any worse. I exited the house and pulled the door closed behind me. I turned back to look at it, seeing it from here for the first time; there was nothing significant about its appearance, but it held a lot of significance on the inside for me

now, they were memories I wouldn't be forgetting any time soon.

I followed the three Cullens up the path that was just outside the house and recognised Carlisle's car the second I saw it.

Carlisle and Jasper took to the front seats as Alice and I clambered into the back. She pulled my head to rest on her shoulder as she had done when we travelled up to Phoenix.

"I would recommend getting some sleep, Bella." Carlisle said, "It's a long trip back to Forks."

I nodded, but did not say anything. I wanted answers, I wanted to know what was said and what happened before I was able to come down the stairs. I needed to know what they had all been doing while I had been with James - all of the Cullens that was. I wanted to know how everyone was, what I had missed, what they'd told my parents and if my parents - particularly Charlie - were coping in my long absence.

Something else I didn't actually know: how long I'd been here.

As Carlisle pulled the car away from the spot it had been parked, the entire situation finally hit home. I realised that I was finally going to see everyone again, yet never see James again. That I could go outside whenever I wanted, yet had grown accustomed to staying enclosed inside. That most of me loved Edward Cullen to my very core, but this miniscule part of me still remained that resented him for tearing me away from my captor, as odd as it sounded.

I would get some sleep, I needed to prepare myself for a long line of questions to ask and answers to receive and I wouldn't stop until I knew everything I wanted to.

It just meant fighting through the grieving tears before I could ask for such an escape, no matter how temporary.

_._._._

**Okay, so James let Bella go without a fight… odd, huh?**

**So many people thought James was going to die and, turns out we have a lot of Edward/Cullen haters in here. Luckily for you, I couldn't bring myself to kill James, by about chapter 5, I had decided against it, I quite like this James. Besides, it works out better this way. Unfortunately, Bella had to go back to the Cullens, but it's not going to be easy for her, not after all this.**

**I'll just leave you with this so no one complains about a lack of James for the rest of the story… we haven't actually seen the last of him yet.**

**Let me know what you think… or I'll see you next chapter :D **


	16. Chapter 16

**Chapter 15**

"Bella?" A soft, feminine voice called from just above me, bringing me out of my deep haze. "Bella?" The voice repeated my name more forcefully.

I blinked furiously, with every one the blackness around the edges of my vision began to clear, allowing me to view my surroundings. I was still seated in the back of Carlisle's car, my head still slumped on Alice's shoulder. Jasper and Carlisle looked back at me from the front seats curiously, my face flushed from their intense stares.

I turned my gaze out the windows, dim light coming in; I would have assumed it was early morning. I pressed the palms of my hands to my eyes, rubbing the sleep away before I looked to Alice, a question in my eyes, wanting to know why I had been awakened from my slumber.

Not that I was complaining; I couldn't remember much, but my dream consisted of Edward, James, myself and a heart wrenching choice that needed to be made.

Alice smiled softly at me, "We figured you'd be hungry." she shrugged and reached down to the space her legs took in front of her seat and pulled out a plastic bag. She reached inside and handed me a packaged sandwich, probably bought from a fuel station or corner shop, and a small bottle of orange juice. I took them both gladly, well aware of the three of them watching me as I devoured their offerings.

When I had finished, I slumped myself back in my seat and folded my arms over my chest, darting my eyes between them all self-consciously, "What?" I asked once I couldn't take the looks anymore.

There was a slight pause, all of them looking between each other before turning their attention back to me. I assumed they were silently deliberating who would be the one to answer, Carlisle eventually stepping up and asking "Are you alright, Bella?"

"Your emotions were all over the place." Jasper added.

"And you were restless and mumbling." Alice informed me.

I averted my eyes downwards, not letting myself meet theirs. My cheeks were burning red from embarrassment, not wanting to even begin to imagine what they may have heard. I shrugged, but didn't offer any sort of response other than an unconvincing "Fine." before diverting my attention out the window once again.

We had pulled over in a relatively secluded area. We were in a small car park, just off the side of an almost empty road. The sky was relatively clear, only small, insignificant clouds tainting the surface. It was quite warm in the car, not too cold, though not quite as warm as it had been in the garden of James' house the one time I was able to venture into it.

I sighed and turned my attention back inside the car. "What day is it?"

Jasper furrowed his brow at my question as he answered, "Saturday."

I shook my head; that wasn't what I meant. I wanted to know the date, how long I had been with James, whether we had passed through spring and verging on the summer or if perhaps it had gone beyond that.

"It's the end of May." Alice replied hesitantly, gauging my reaction.

I nodded once and pursed my lips. I had been with James for a couple of months then and I wasn't sure how I felt about it. Part of me was unsettled by the idea of having been away for so long; would everything be different after this time? Maybe a great deal of change had occurred in Forks that was unforeseeable when I left, unlikely, but not impossible. At the same time, I was glad that I'd been given as long as I had with James.

Why? I don't know. I hadn't particularly got anything from it, other than a great deal of confusion, but perhaps I got off on the rush the experience provided me with. It wasn't something that many people could say they had been through and survived - as a human - from.

I pulled one leg up onto the seat, supported by my feet, hugging it to myself as I rested my cheek on top of it, my face angled towards Alice. I contemplated my next question briefly before voicing it, considering it appeared we were going to be stopped here a while longer, "How did you find me?"

The look on Alice's face was almost smug as she wordlessly tapped her forehead, grinning widely.

Guess I should have known.

"Yes. That, and Victoria helped us quite a bit; by sheer accident of course, but still, she was key to us finally figuring out your exact location." Jasper told me, diminishing a large portion of Alice's smugness by adding another factor. She reached forward and flicked his temple playfully, causing him to grin widely at her.

The simple gesture made me feel almost empty, deflating my mood. I looked up, Alice and Jasper merely hovering around the corner of my eyes. I noticed Carlisle looking at me through the centre mirror, smiling sympathetically at me and I was unable to resist the urge to return the smile, as small as it was.

My head slumped forwards and I looked down at myself, and the same set of clothes I had seemingly been wearing for the past few months. My once white shirt was tinged a repulsive grey as well as being covered in creases. Why these little things actually bothered me was beyond me, it was a mundane, insignificant issue really - not even an issue normally, and hadn't been before now - but I was suddenly very aware of the space outside my little bubble of, well, James.

"I don't suppose you've bought me a change of clothes?" I asked, hopeful that Alice at least, knowing her, would haven considered my clothing as an important factor.

"Sorry, Bella." She said regretfully, eyeing my current state of clothing, "I honestly wish I had, but we didn't really have the time."

I nodded understandingly before leaning my head against her shoulder and closing my eyes, wishing that sleep would take over again. I was exhausted and definitely not prepared for anything that was about to come after this. Besides, perhaps in my dreams I would at least get to see James again. Or Edward.

"Are you really still tired?" Alice asked sounding surprised, "You just slept for ages."

I shrugged, "I just need to rest I guess." I answered, opening my eyes again so I could look at her, looking sceptically at me.

"Do you want to talk about," she paused briefly, contemplating her choice of words, "it?"

I shook my head furiously, there was no way in hell I was going to discuss any of what happened with them; now or ever. Neither the really good or the really bad stuff was anything that anyone needed to know about, that was too private to discuss. I'd be surprised if they didn't know anything already anyway, thanks to Alice.

"You really don't need to feel so defensive." Jasper told me softly, attempting to influence me with a wave of calm, which was difficult to fight. I relaxed slightly, but it still didn't mean that I was going to tell them anything.

I sighed, "I'm sure you know a little about it anyway." I told them stubbornly.

Carlisle looked almost sorrowful. Guess that answered my question right there, and I could only assume it was something bad. I stared out the windscreen, but I wasn't paying attention to what was there, my mind off elsewhere, in a small, bright garden with long green grass and a small bench for me to rest on.

"At least tell us how this happened." Alice begged as she took my arm in her hand.

I looked downwards as Alice flipped my hand over in hers, my palm facing upwards as my fingers curled up slightly. Her thumb ran over the patch of skin between my thumb and index finger and I bit down nervously on my lower lip. I didn't answer; I'm sure she knew exactly how that happened, I'm sure if she hadn't seen it happen, she would be able to tell the mark there that was slightly cooler than the rest of me was made by a vampire.

When I didn't answer, she continued, "What about this?" she slid her hand up to my wrist where the scar remained from Victoria's attempt to suck me dry.

I shook my head again as I felt tears building. Another reason I didn't want to talk about it was the emotional nature of the memories. They weren't something I wanted to dig up and I wasn't going to burst into tears so soon after being reunited with them without a fight.

I felt unbelievably sorry for Jasper.

I took a deep breath to calm myself slightly, trying to convince myself that it wasn't honestly that bad. Sure it was painful and I was hurt by the fact that James had allowed it to happen, but I hadn't died and in retrospect, what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger. I just wish it was easier to see that.

I looked at Alice, her eyes looking genuinely curious - as well as several other things - enough for me to believe she actually didn't have any idea as to what had happened to cause that particular scar.

I licked my lips but shook my head again. I wasn't going to tell her, but I did have some questions of my own that still needed answering.

"What _did_ you see then?" I asked, "You must have seen something." I insisted, keeping eye contact with her, hoping it would help guilt her into answering me - honestly. Something I wish I'd thanked James for insisting on.

She pursed her lips, her eyes completely locked with mine, although hers were unblinking. She released my arm from her grasp, and I placed it down onto my lap as I

waited for her answer.

She sighed, "I honestly didn't see much." she paused, "Most of the stuff I saw was you sitting in a dark room looking fed up. Apart from one where you had a dark bruise here," she reached up and ran her fingers across my cheek. "I'm quite glad that's gone now actually, I don't think I could have done with seeing that in person." she paused and moved her hands away from my face.

She smiled warmly, "The first vision I saw of you that gave me some hope, you were in a garden, soaking up the sun's rays for the first time in so long. You looked content. You can't fathom how relieved I was, just to see that you were alright. We all were, especially Edward."

I nibbled guiltily on my lower lip at the thought of Edward. More questions to ask, later.

I wanted a full answer to my previous question first. "What else?"

"I'd rather not." She answered after some hesitation, and I started to feel a little queasy. If she could talk about my injuries without much thought, the only other thing I could think of was the one thing I didn't actually want her to be seeing: mine and James' intimate moments.

"No, what?" I insisted, just wanting confirmation of what I expected so that I at least wouldn't have to worry about it so much. At least then I'd know she knew.

"Well," she started awkwardly, drumming her fingers rhythmically against her thighs. "You and James were, well, in that dark, empty room and you were… well you were kissing and, you know, he was touching you…" she trailed off suggestively, raising her eyebrows at me, hoping I would understand what she was getting at, so that she wouldn't actually have to say it.

I blushed bright red, despite knowing that was what she was going to say, I was horrified by the thought of her knowing and worse, seeing it. I nodded once and she sighed in relief that she had been let off the hook.

I noticed Jasper looking awkward in his seat, shifting himself nervously - and unnecessarily - probably for my benefit. His eyes avoided me entirely and I wondered if my embarrassment had been strong enough to captivate him as well. It would appear that way at least.

I risked a brief glance at Carlisle, a little relieved to see that he wasn't looking at me in disgust. I wasn't particularly after his sympathy either - it's not like I was unwilling - but it was better than disgust any day.

I turned my attention back to Alice seriously, "So who knows?" I asked, my voice shaking.

She sighed, "Every one in this car," she told me and I nodded, not particularly surprised, as she continued speaking, "but I should probably just tell you that Edward saw a little…" she trailed off, taking in the look I could only imagine being plastered all over my face.

Very suddenly as if from nowhere, my eyes were stinging and my stomach was in knots. I didn't know whether to burst into tears or throw up; probably both. I scrambled out of my seat, pushing the door open with the little strength I had and removed myself from the car just in time for me to lean over and empty the contents of my stomach over the concrete.

I felt my cheeks grow damp as I sobbed and shook. Guilt built up inside me, I couldn't imagine how Edward would have felt, seeing images of me enjoying the pleasures of someone else, when he had yet to venture so far. I shouldn't have let it happen and I knew he would have known. I don't know what I'd do if he realised how much I didn't deserve him and he realised he could do so much better, as selfish as it sounded. The separation didn't sever our relationship - at least it didn't destroy the strength of my feelings for him.

I still couldn't regret anything that happened with James though. I don't know why it was, but I had started to almost care about him.

Actually, fuck 'almost', I did care. I'd love to see him again, so much, not that I'd openly admit that out loud though. It was still true.

I hated the amount of conflict occurring in my mind. My emotions were all over the place, I wanted two completely different things that weren't an option simultaneously and everything that had happened in the past few months would soon have to be put behind me as though they never happened. I didn't want that; I wanted James too.

Shit.

I sat back against the car where the door was still open, I pulled my legs towards me and wrapped my arms around them, holding them to my chest. I felt very quickly Alice's hands running through my hair in an attempt to calm me, which helped somewhat.

Carlisle was crouched down in front of me, asking me if I was alright or if I still felt sick. I couldn't speak, my sobs were too strong and anything I said would be incoherent. Besides, I did still feel sick and I didn't want to risk it. Jasper's attempts to calm me down again were barely working, as though I was actually trying to fight them.

"What shall we do, Carlisle?" Jasper asked, looking down at me warily.

Carlisle pursed his lips before he answered, "There's nothing much we really can do. Bella's letting go of her emotions and perhaps that's what's best for her right now; she's been through enough. We need to calm her down though," he paused again, addressing me, "Bella, look at me." I raised my eyes to his and he continued, "I know you must feel awful, but you need to relax. Try take a deep breath, can you do that for me, please?"

It took several attempts before I was able to comply. The first few tries, my breath caught in my throat making me incapable of pulling in enough air for a deep breath. With a little help from Jasper, I was able to calm myself enough to do as Carlisle had asked. Once I had achieved the goal Carlisle had set, I set my breathing at a more steady pace gradually, still taking long breaths. I still had tears escaping my eyes, but they had slowed and I still felt sick, but the feeling was less intense.

"Good." Carlisle smiled, "A little better at least?" he asked hopefully.

I nodded weakly and reached a hand up, balled it into a fist and swiped the tears off my face.

"Alice, can you pass the water bottle as well, please?" Carlisle asked gently.

Alice's hands disappeared from my hair instantly. In a second, she had reached behind her somewhere into the car, pulled out the water bottle, removed the cap and was holding it in front of my face.

Hesitantly, I reached up and took the bottle out of her hand and took small, slow sips out of the bottle. I held the bottle tightly in both hands, as I stretched out my legs in front of me.

"How long until we get back to Forks?" I asked in a hushed whisper that I knew they would have no trouble in hearing.

"We still have quite a few hours driving actually." Carlisle answered.

"We'll be home at roughly 8:09 this evening, we have about 9 hours left on the road." Alice confirmed.

I stared down at the bottle in my hands as a thought occurred to me, "How's Charlie?"

Jasper forced his hands into his pockets roughly and Carlisle flitted his eyes down to the floor before meeting my gaze. If I was one for gambling, I would bet it wasn't very good.

"He's distraught, of course but he's coping. Renee has been in contact with him every day helping him and feeling his pain also. Edward received an earful for the original story of you leaving for your mother's, but since you disappeared, he's forgiven him somewhat; we've been keeping an eye out for him as well."

I guess I couldn't be particularly surprised by that; I was all he had and I had been missing for months. I missed him so much, I felt so guilty and I wanted to see him, hug him for the first time I had in ages. Tell him I didn't mean anything I had said before I left, that I was sorry and that I loved him.

"Can I go straight home then? I want to see Charlie." I requested.

He hesitated briefly, "I suppose. So you know, as far as everyone in Forks is concerned, you ran away, that once you'd left here - though you had originally intended on staying with your mother - you couldn't stop. They think you contacted Edward recently, told him you were coming home but refused to tell him where you were or what happened. Edward has voiced concerns about your safety - but only when people have asked, which hasn't been often."

That didn't surprise me, I'm sure everyone knew the story, but people avoided Edward - and his family for that matter - like the plague unless they were feeling brave due to misconstrued necessity.

I nodded in response to Carlisle's words once. That was enough information for now. I wanted to rest and block out the world again.

I waited at the side of the car. Anxious and excited to scramble back into the car where I could escape reality and Edward and James could co-exist in my life again; even if only for a short while in my dreams.


	17. Chapter 17

**I'm really sorry for the wait. If you're interested in my excuse, then I'll see you at the bottom =]**

**Chapter 16**

Alice was right - as always - and we arrived back in Forks at 8:09 in the evening on the dot, having slept most of the way there. At random intervals I woke up in need of nourishment, water, because of a nightmare. Always being coaxed back into my slumber by Alice after my insistence that I just wanted to rest.

It wasn't strictly true, but I would have taken that over talking any more about my experience or what I'd been missing.

I didn't know when I was going to even see Edward at this point, but I didn't want to ask, I had just assumed they would bring it up, not that they had yet.

Carlisle pulled up outside Charlie's house - no, it was my house too - and I glanced up at it warily. It was ridiculous to think it, but what if I couldn't remember my way around? Or what Charlie looked like. Irrational really, considering I would go far longer than this between my visits to him when I was growing up, but this felt far different. It was different.

"Nervous?" Alice asked softly from beside me, as she stroked my hand through my hair.

I nodded slowly, instantly feeling slightly more relaxed. I smiled in gratitude at Jasper who grinned back at me.

I took another glance up at the house, "So, Charlie knows I'm coming back then?"

Carlisle nodded at me, "He's waiting anxiously for your return." he answered, "Edward told him yesterday that he was going to meet you, so he could bring you home. Obviously, Charlie was also made aware that we would be accompanying him as well."

I felt my eyebrows furrow curiously and my head tilt to the side slightly. Edward hadn't even got in the car with them in the first place, so the story didn't make sense to me. Of course, for Charlie, it would have been a reasonable explanation that Edward would want to come and meet me, but it made no sense. Mainly due to his absence, rather than his presence though. Besides, I knew Charlie, he wouldn't have rolled over and let them get me without putting up a fight to insist he tagged along with them.

Carlisle read my quizzical glance well and gave me a more elaborated explanation without me having to ask, "Edward wasn't sure how you would react to seeing him and, although we argued it may have been for the best, he refused to-"

"'Impose my presence upon her at a time in which she may not want or need it'." Alice interrupted, providing an impressive impression of her brother. It was exactly the kind of thing Edward would say, if not a bit ridiculous given I actually would have quite liked his presence with me in the car, at least then I would know he didn't think I was tainted and that he would be able to understand.

Seeing him may even have removed the memory of James from my mind and put me at ease as well.

How much space was he going to be giving me then? I wondered if any of them knew how he felt. I couldn't really ask them that, I'd need to hear it from him to be sure of whatever his response would be. I could however ask "Do you know when I'll get to see him then?"

"When you feel ready." Alice answered, "His words of course, not mine."

I nodded once. I was ready right about now to be honest, ready to know how he felt at least. "Is today too soon?"

Alice pursed her lips on thought, weighing out the pros and cons perhaps, or maybe just trying to get a glimpse of the future to tell me an exact time and date. It took her longer than I would have expected to deliberate with herself. It wasn't giving me much promise.

"I guess not." she paused thoughtfully, "I'll talk to him. I can make no promises, but I'll tell him you want to see him." she assured me.

I nodded, "Shall I keep my window open?"

Alice shook her head, "He won't, not tonight, not after," she paused again, "everything. If he comes, he'll come through the front door."

I blushed and lowered my gaze, embarrassed by the thought of everyone knowing how disgusting I was. I still couldn't bring myself to truly and completely regret it, but I knew I should, and I felt the shame.

"He hates me for it doesn't he?"

"What?" Jasper asked, sounding shocked.

I kept my gaze down at my hands rested in my lap. "He hates me for doing what I did with James, right? I wouldn't blame him."

Alice's arm went around my shoulder and she pulled my body to hers, so I rested against her side. I placed my head on her shoulder and she rested her head atop of mine as she ran her fingers soothingly through my hair. I kept my gaze down so I wouldn't have to meet any of there gazes and looks of sympathy which I suspect lingered on their faces. I felt a tear escape my eyes.

"Of course he doesn't, Bella." Alice assured me.

"It wasn't your fault, you did it because you had to. You did what you needed to do to make it through everything. You couldn't have done anything differently." Carlisle added.

I shook my head, "But I _enjoyed_ it!" I shouted, tears still falling, more rapidly now.

"It doesn't matter," Carlisle soothed reaching behind to take my hand in a fatherly gesture, continuing before I had the chance to argue, "James is manipulative and strong and has the power to confuse you, but Edward understands. We all do."

I didn't have it in me to argue with him anymore. He was being rational of course - if not, I felt, a little patronising - and somewhere deep inside I knew that he was probably right, but I couldn't help but see the blame as being my own.

Instead of arguing, I bought the back of my hand to my face and wiped my tears away, managing to keep them away this time. I smiled a small smile at Carlisle, grateful for his comforting words - even if I didn't completely agree with them.

I was beyond ready to see Charlie at this point, knowing he was probably far more anxious even than I was. I removed my hand from Carlisle's and pulled myself away from Alice, taking a deep, calming breath.

"I'm ready to see Charlie now, I think." I informed them and they smiled back at me.

"He's ready to see you, too." Alice said, "Don't hang around here. Go see him, and I'll talk to Edward. Please don't count on him turning up, I have no idea, but I will ask him to see you." She warned.

I nodded, just grateful for her assurance that she would try. I wrapped my arms around her, bringing her into a hug, "Thank you , Alice." I said before turning my attention back to Jasper and Carlisle, "And thank you both, too." I said smiling, "I owe you all, a lot."

Carlisle shook his head, but it was Jasper who answered me, "Of course not, it was definitely our pleasure." he paused briefly, "Now, get in there and see Charlie, I know you want to." he smiled softly and reassuringly at me and I was glad; I didn't want to be treated any differently and this had shown me that I wouldn't be.

At least, not by Jasper anyway, but it was a start, especially considering the amount of strain on our relationship before my encounter with James.

I thanked them again and promised that once everything was sorted, I would come see them soon. Although Alice also promised me a visit beforehand which I appreciated before I assured them that, yes, I could actually make it to my front door unaccompanied.

They refused to leave however until I had taken the few, slow, tentative steps towards the front door and pulled it open to allow myself inside. I watched them drive away through the small crack in the door frame before I closed it, hesitant to turn around and take in Charlie's - okay, and my - house.

I stared at the door for an unknown amount of time, fretting that everything would be completely different to when I had left.

Of course, when I did eventually turn round, I was relieved to see it was exactly the same as it had always been. The sight made me smile in delight to see absolutely everything - at least in this part of the house - in its exact place.

I peered into the front room as a first guess as to whereabouts Charlie would be, although it was wrong. His chair was empty and the television was switched off, it gave me a short pang of nervousness that maybe he just wasn't here anymore and I'd been abandoned, like I'd abandoned him.

I shook my head and wandered out of the room towards the kitchen, my next bet at his location. It wasn't until my eyes took him in that my nervousness at abandonment evaporated and was replaced with an overwhelming sense of relief.

He was stood facing the sink, away from me, bracing himself on it with his hands. I gasped as wild sobs fought to break free at seeing him, as though I almost couldn't believe it. I covered my mouth with my hand as tears began to pour down my cheeks, my body shaking with the force of my sobs. The sound of them causing Charlie to turn around, his eyes widening when he sees me.

We stood looking at each other for a moment - me in floods of tears, him gob smacked - before I launched myself across the room into his arms, which opened in just enough time to catch me.

It was almost surreal, Charlie and I had never been one for conveying emotions, particularly not with each other. I couldn't care less about my embarrassment at that moment though, to do so would be ridiculous after such a parting. I knew the tears I shed were dampening his shirt, but I couldn't bring myself to pull away just yet; I missed him, I was terrified and I was unimaginably sorry.

It took me a little while to find my voice, but when I did I said almost hysterically, "I'm so, so sorry. I didn't mean anything I said, I've missed you."

He squeezed me tightly before bringing one hand to my hair and stroking it calmingly. I tensed at the action; James took part in this action more times than I cared to think, but I somehow managed to convince myself that this was just _Charlie_ and he would never intentionally hurt me.

"Don't apologise, it's okay, we don't need to dwell on what happened before. You're alright and you're here, that's all that matters right now." Charlie assured me and I was able to settle myself further into his embrace.

I sniffed loudly before bringing both hands to my face and wiping my cheeks dry. I smiled a small smile up at Charlie and through my blurry vision, I saw him return the same smile. He hadn't changed a bit.

"Do you want anything to eat?" I shook my head. "Drink?" I shook my head again.

"I wouldn't mind a shower though." I whispered although not asking for permission, I hoped he'd give it to me anyway. He nodded and I smiled at hi, grateful he wasn't going to restrict what I was and wasn't allowed to do. Obviously he wouldn't, not now, but I imagined having greater free will again was going to take some getting used to.

After promising to talk afterwards, I headed upstairs and stepped inside the small shower, the warm running water hitting my body smoothly and rhythmically. I picked up my shampoo bottle and, popping the top off, bought it to my nose and inhaled the sweet smell of strawberries. It was a welcoming smell, I thought as I lathered, rinsed and repeated. Several times over. Feeling the need to cleanse myself of the past few months.

I thoroughly scrubbed my body down in order to remove the dirt, sweat, memories I could not get at the house with James.

After I was satisfied that I was clean - I guess which must have taken a long time - and more relaxed, I wrapped myself up in my dressing gown and went back downstairs where Charlie was sat in front of the television. The normality of it made me smile.

I sat myself down on the couch, curling my feet under me as I rested my hands in my lap. My eyes flicked between Charlie and my hands intermittently, not sure if he'd actually realised I had entered the room or not.

When his eyes finally landed on me, he switched the television off instantly.

"Oh, no if you were watching that, I can wait." I spoke in a rush, not wanting to interfere with his routine, "You looked pretty into it."

He shook his head, "I can watch sports whenever I want. I haven't been able to talk to you for long enough."

I nodded slowly, biting down on my lower lip as my eyes once again darted about the room. I took a deep breath before asking, "Why didn't you come with the Cullens to get me?"

I knew obviously that the Cullens would never have let him anywhere near James and that would have been the real reason why he wouldn't have been able to come. I also knew that he would have argued about it. What I didn't know was the excuse they would have used that would have made Charlie back down in this argument.

He shook his head, looking shameful, "I'm sorry, Bella. I should have done. I know you told Edward you didn't want me to come, that you needed a bit of time before we could talk things through a bit, but I know I should have fought harder to come along. I just thought that if you didn't want me to come, I wouldn't force you to see me before you were ready." he paused briefly in thought, "I know you must have been anxious as to how I would react to you coming back." he said and although it wasn't a question, I felt a need to respond.

"Yeah, I thought you might be mad at me for running off. I wasn't very smart about that."

Charlie pursed his lips briefly, "Well, that's not important. I was never angry though, hurt yes, but never angry."

"I really am sorry, Dad." I said honestly.

He shrugged, "It doesn't matter. You're far more important." he paused again, looking slightly awkward now. It seemed he wanted to ask me more about what happened, but knew it probably wasn't an appropriate time.

Before he had the chance to ask, I figured I'd give him something just so that he knew _something_ whilst making it clear that I wasn't going to divulge anything else now, and not necessarily at a later date either. "Listen Dad, I know you're probably dying to know where I've been and what I've been doing." I paused, looking down at my hands once more, "I don't want to go into it, like at all, but I will say that it was a difficult time, but it wasn't always bad. I survived and I got away and came back home. That's all I want to say about it for now, is that okay?" I asked, making sure to keep heavy eye contact with him, trying to communicate through them my plea to drop the subject.

Charlie was hesitant with his answer, but eventually he gave in and accepted my plea to move on.

"Good." I nodded, "So what's happened in Forks since I've been away?" I asked, trying to sound curious.

Charlie was careful with what he was saying, I could tell. I knew he was nervous as to what I'd been through, but I needed to hear about something else. I barely knew how I felt about the whole experience anymore. At the same time I both resented James and was curious to see him again, although the resentment was slightly stronger. I think.

I tried to concentrate on what Charlie was saying. Forks was the same old Forks though. Everyone had been really nice, he'd spent a lot of time at Billy's and in La Push with the Clearwaters from time to time. Esme and Alice had been particularly wonderful - as usual - alongside most of the other Cullens. I briefly wondered who was excluded from them, but quickly assumed it would have been Rosalie.

He'd had some time off of work but was now back in full swing as there were a vast number of complaints from hikers surrounding a very oversized wolf that had been causing some havoc. Probably the most exciting thing to be happening in Forks at that moment - apart from my return, _of course._

The more we talked, the more relaxed I felt, back in my home. I didn't think it would be quite so easy.

I was able to talk to Renee - and subsequently Phil - for a while too on the phone. The tears came back then as relief flooded through me at hearing my mother's voice. Again though, being able to release my emotions was just a relief.

A relief that, although very present through the day, vanished as the sun went down and the sky outside turned dark. I huddled in bed that night, restlessly, drifting in and out of sleep. I hated not being able to switch off and just sleep. Now I was on my own in the pitch black and the unknown, my thoughts escaped the safety of my bedroom, far away to a place I didn't know the name of.

I also couldn't shake the feeling that I wasn't on my own.

**Okay, again I'm really sorry for the lack of an update for a while, I can't believe how many times I've said 'real life gets in the way' but it really has.  
I've had so much work to do for school, I have exams to revise for, a job to get on with as well as seeing all my friends. I've also found that applying to university takes up a lot of time and effort, but it has to be done, so unfortunately writing fan fictions hasn't been on the top of my priorities list.  
I'm hoping that soon, I'll be able to concentrate more on this, but for now I'm not sure how often updates will be, but they will come, promise. This story is getting finished and we're not too far off now. So, that's all I have to say. Sorry for the lack of James and Edward at the moment - because I know that's what some of you are thinking - just be patient =]  
Until next time, Miss-Beann**


	18. Chapter 18

**Chapter 17**

My cereal had turned soggy and repulsive, sat idly in its bowl, my spoon hovering just above the surface, supported by the tips of my thumb and forefinger. My appetite was yet to fully return, not helped by lack of sleep, meaning the two spoonfuls I'd already eaten had made me feel sick.

I sighed heavily, dropping my spoon into the offensive looking mush and turned my attention out the window, waiting and hoping for a shiny, silver Volvo to pull up outside. I really hoped he would come today, I knew it was impatient, not having been back more than a night, but I wanted to know everything was okay. The dream I had last night, during the short time I spent asleep, had terrified me. Nothing new there.

I had definitely felt like there was someone else there last night. It made me uneasy, though I supposed it didn't scare me as much as the dream had, but the ambiguity of it was unsettling.

Maybe I'd become too used to being watched.

But the dream, the dream that felt almost inescapable now was yet another attempt for my subconscious to drive me to paranoia that Edward wouldn't understand and that James would somehow make his way back into my life.

I pushed the bowl away, pulling the note Charlie had left for me this morning in its place in front of me, rereading it, just to remind myself that he would be back soon and I wouldn't be alone for too long:

_Morning, Bells._

_Had another emergency down at the station. Hopefully I've put this note somewhere obvious, didn't want to wake you._

_Just letting you know I wont be too long, should be back before lunchtime._

_Love, Dad_

I smiled. Although normally I would have found a note such as this pointless and, quite frankly, a little ridiculous, this time, I found it oddly comforting. I guess Charlie knew I would need it today.

A loud knock on the front door shocked me out of my thoughts.

I eyed the hallway wearily, considering whether it would be better to just leave it, especially after my fears from last night of being watch.

Typically, my curiosity got the better of me and, hesitantly, I tiptoed towards the front door. I urged it open, peering around the crack to see, much to my surprise, Emmett waiting for me on the other side.

I pulled the door open to its full capability, my eyebrows deeply furrowed as he grinned his massive grin back at me.

"You seem surprised to see me." he joked, though looking almost awkward stood outside my door.

I stuttered around my answer, indecisive as whether to appear unsurprised or to just admit that I would have never expected to see him anywhere near my front door. In the end, I simply smiled sheepishly, blushing slightly as I nodded back at him.

He pushed his hands into the pockets of his jeans and asked me if he could come in. In response, I moved out of the way, leaving him enough room to come past me, throwing my arm back to signal that it was okay.

After I had closed the door behind him, I turned and looked at him questioningly, although it was hard not to smirk at how he looked in my small house. His dominating physique taking up the majority of the space in the hall. If he were more aggressive a character, I probably would have been scared, but he made me feel relaxed. Or at least, nearly relaxed.

"Mind if we talk?" he asked and I nodded, pointing in the direction of the kitchen, where my nearly full bowl of cereal still sat. Emmett sat down in my vacated seat, and peered into it tentatively. Oddly, he didn't look completely disgusted, like I knew Edward would have, but mildly curious.

I took up the seat next to him and waited for him to turn his attention away from the cereal. When he did, he grinned widely at me, making it difficult not to return the gesture.

"I guess it's weird me coming here, to you?" he asked and I shrugged, giving him seemingly, as much of an answer as he needed. He smiled, "I guess it is. I don't really know you very well do I?" he asked.

I shook my head slowly in response.

"Cat got your tongue or something?" He joked and I grinned back at him.

"Sorry." I said, "I guess I don't really know what to say." I trailed off an explanation.

He smiled widely, "A lot of 'I guess' flying around right? Tell you what, let's just stick with what we know, okay?" I nodded and he continued, "Excellent. So, here's what I know: a lot - and when I say a lot, I mean a whole damn lot - of our time since you left Forks has been devoted to trying to find Victoria, then James, then you. The mood kinda changed at home when you left, y'know."

I cocked my head to the side, raising my eyebrows in disbelief.

"Don't look at me like that, it's true." He told me, "Edward, when he wasn't tracking, was useless, it was really depressing. Alice felt guilty, like it was her fault and Esme was worrying about everyone, and not just us but Charlie as well. I didn't even know how to help the emotional and rational side, that was left to Jasper and Carlisle really. I didn't like that, because although we helped as much as we could, when we had to stop, hunt or whatever, Rose and I didn't really have a connection to you, whereas Jasper - who you have to remember is still trying to deal with his cravings for blood and human interaction and stuff - was more affected by it than me. I don't mean that in a bad way, I just don't really know you, but that was starting to bug me, which is why I'm here.

"Can I ask you something, that I probably shouldn't?"

I didn't particularly like his phrasing, it made me feel a little paranoid. I agreed to hear his question anyway, ignoring my paranoia; it couldn't be that bad.

He rested his forearms on the table, leaning forward and turned his head towards me. "Are you scared of me? I'm just getting a bit of a vibe here."

I burst into laughter with relief, and almost finding the question ridiculous. If I was that terrified of him, I probably would have at least tried to stop him from coming in.

I shook my head, "No," I answered, "you're a bit intimidating, but I'm not scared of you, I don't see you as threatening or anything. Not to me anyway. Rosalie on the other hand," I paused, gauging his expression, which was surprisingly still neutral, before finishing "terrifies me."

He smiled knowingly. He leaned back in the chair, leaving one of his hands palm down on the table. He looked relatively relaxed. I assumed then that I couldn't have offended him too much, telling him his wife frightened me.

"I know Rose can be," he paused briefly, thoughtfully, "a bitch sometimes, and I'll admit, you're probably afraid of her because, and please don't take offence here, but she's not really your biggest fan." _what a surprise, _"I will say that she does have her reasons, it's not just that she's decided she doesn't like who you are or anything. She's got a few issues." he shrugged nonchalantly.

I toyed with the idea of asking what sort of issues she had, but quickly dropped it. It wasn't my place to ask, and probably not his place to say.

I nodded instead at what he had said, accepting his words. I knew she didn't like me, and I always wondered if Emmett felt the same way deep down, but it was nice to have some reassurance that that wasn't the case. I could probably grow to be quite close to Emmett really, being Edward's favourite brother, there had to be a lot of good qualities about him that I hadn't yet discovered. If Edward were to allow it, anyway.

"Where's Charlie?" he asked and I pointed at the note.

"Probably just those wolves again or something." I shrugged.

He pursed his lips and shook his head. I looked at him curiously, I couldn't help but wonder, "Do you know anything about them?"

He didn't speak for a few moments. I wondered whether I shouldn't have asked, something I shouldn't know about. Maybe he wished he knew but didn't. I couldn't help myself though.

Eventually, he met my gaze and replied, "A little." he smiled, "Not nearly enough, though."

I nodded, but decided not to continue that particular conversation. It seemed to make him tense and uncomfortable, and I sensed it was a risky topic of conversation. I'd have to remember to bring it up with one of the other Cullens when I next saw them.

"Emmett?" I asked hesitantly.

"Yeah, Bells?"

I grinned briefly at my new nickname, before asking as I was going to, "I don't suppose you or any of your family were round here at any point last night were they?"

He furrowed his brow, "Nope, not that I know of. Why?"

I lowered my gaze in disappointment, but perhaps the feeling of being watched was really just something I would get used to. I couldn't quite get rid of the feeling in my gut that told me that wasn't the case though.

"I was just wondering. I know you all did from time to time before," I trailed off, not feeling it necessary to continue with an explanation. He knew exactly when I was referring to.

He looked at me curiously as I tried to keep my gaze averted to hide my disappointment. It didn't work too well, clearly, as he jumped up and lifted me out of my seat, pulling me over his shoulder and lifting me out the front door.

My cheeks burned bright red in embarrassment with the squeak I released as he pulled me from my seated position. He laughed, that big, booming laugh that I remembered as he ran at human speed out of my front door.

"What are you doing?" I half-yelled, half-laughed at him.

"We're going for a run." He informed me and after a brief pause, "That is, if you don't mind?"

I paused briefly contemplating my answer, but decided it would be better than being sat at home for a few hours waiting for Charlie to come home?

"Will we beat Charlie home?" I checked, wanting to make sure he didn't return to an empty house.

"We can." He confirmed, "Does that mean you'll come with me?"

I nodded and he grinned, placing me back on my feet. I looked at him questioningly, was I missing something?

"What? You don't expect me to carry you, do you?" He teased, "Please, like I have the energy for that." he winked jokingly at me.

I shook my head as I smirked, shoving him back. He fell backwards, as though I actually had the strength to move him anywhere near that much with my human weaknesses.

"Maybe I should start working out, again huh?" He joked, flexing his muscles.

"Shut up." I laughed poking his rock hard bicep, wincing slightly at the unexpected resistance that met my finger.

He jumped up, demanding to see it, worried I'd suffered from some serious injury. I sighed and with some reluctance lay my finger in the palm of his hand, as he inspected it.

"It's nothing," I insisted, not sure why he was so concerned, it was nothing serious, it didn't even hurt that much really, "honestly, it's not that bad."

He didn't look up from my finger, that pretty much felt normal again. "You sure?"

I shook my head, honestly! "Seriously, you vampires worry way too much."

"Sorry." he apologised, "Force of habit and all that."

I waved it off, pulling my arm back down to my side. I looked back at the house briefly before I turned back to him, "Where we off to then?"

He grinned and turned his back to me, squatting down and pushing his arms back slightly. I walked towards him slowly, and when I was sure of what he was expecting me to do, climbed onto his back, wrapping my arms securely around his neck. I still remembered what it was like to experience running with vampires before, nothing short of a vice-like grip would do.

He stood up when I was secure and turned his head as far in my direction as was possible, "Would you by any chance want to come back and see my family? I know Esme's been dying to see you." he hinted.

I chewed nervously on my lower lip. Was it not too soon? "Is Edward going to be there?"

He nodded, "Is that an issue?"

I considered this. That was the thing, I didn't know if it was an issue or not. I was expecting to wait to hear from him, wasn't that what was for the best?

"It's not for me, but I don't know if he wants to see me." I trailed off sadly.

"Don't be silly! Of course he does, why wouldn't he?"

Emmett clearly didn't know anything, and I was happy to keep it that way. He was looking at me so expectantly that I almost felt bad for not telling him, but I didn't need anyone else in on my dirty little secret.

"You never know." I said in a way which I hoped sounded uncaring.

"I can give him some extra warning if you want?" he asked, tapping his temple with the tip of his finger as an explanation.

"Please." I smiled in gratitude.

He nodded and started running without warning, at his normal pace. My breath caught in my throat at the shock of being swept away so quickly. I tightened my hold on his neck and hid my face down on my arm. I could feel my hair being swept backwards, hearing nothing but the rush of wind as we sped on.

Although it seemed like hours, it probably wasn't all that long before we started to slow down.

When we came to a sudden stop, I felt myself being lowered and my toes lightly grazed the floor. I took a deep breath and lifted my head, loosening my grip on his neck and planting my feet on the floor. I swayed slightly, and Emmett caught my wrist to prevent me from falling. When I was more stable, he released his grip on me and smiled at me.

"You okay?" He asked, some concern in his voice.

I pulled my hair out of my face that had become dishevelled, before smiling back at him, "Yeah, fine. Sorry, just takes some getting used to again, that's all."

He accepted my explanation and stole a glance just ahead of where we stood. I peered round his frame, we were near the edge of a forest, surrounded by trees, but they were beginning to thin where we were looking. It was vaguely familiar and I would have bet that we were stood outside the Cullens' house already.

"I've given Edward some warning." he paused, "That okay?"

I nodded in response, thoughtfully. After a moment of silence, I eyed him curiously and asked, "Seriously, Em, why did you come to see me?"

He looked slightly guilty, averting his eyes downwards briefly before meeting my gaze once again. "Because I'm the only one who thinks this - bringing you here - is a good idea and I was fed up of Edward moping around despite you being back." he took a deep breath, "I don't know what the problem is, but I do know that its not going to be solved like this. So at least by you being here, that's better than nothing." he took in my expression, "You can go home if you want though?" he offered.

I chewed on my lower lip as I considered his offer. Eventually, I shook my head, declining and wrapped my arms tightly around his waist, burying my head into his chest. I hoped he understood that I was thanking him, not because I was a silly, overemotional human.

He wrapped his arms around my shoulders and squeezed tightly before releasing me.

"Come on then, Bells."

We walked towards the edge of the forest and the beautiful house with the glass walls that was filled with vampires came into my view. I took everything in, getting a sense of familiarity as I looked back upon that house.

I turned my eyes towards the front door, only to see a bronze haired boy blocking it. _My_ bronze haired vampire - I hoped he still was anyway.

My breath sped up as I wondered what he was going to do. I could vaguely sense Emmett still walking beside me, but my attention wasn't anywhere near focused there anymore.

Especially not when Edward took the steps down and began walking towards us. I could feel a grin begin to spread across my face.

"Edward?"

**Sorry =]**

**Merry Christmas and Happy New Year, see you in 2011!**


	19. Chapter 19

**I'm so sorry for the wait... again. I'm sure you don't want to hear my excuses, so I won't bore you with them, but as I've been asked, I will tell you that I'm going to continue to update this story until it's completed - there aren't many chapters left, but you will get to read the entire story, I promise. Thank you to those of you asking if/when I'll update because it gave me the motivation I needed to put this chapter up ASAP. And also thank you for reading this and just being lovely, even though I'm being shit with updates atm :) **

**Chapter 18**

The grin didn't last as long as I had hoped it would.

The closer Edward got to us, the clearer I could see his facial expression. It wasn't bad as such, but it wasn't particularly filling me with hope either; he definitely wasn't returning my grin at least.

Cautious. That's how he looked: cautious.

It was when I recognised his expression that I realised that I had stopped walking, and consequently Emmett too. I stole a quick sideward glance at him, but I couldn't gauge anything from his expression; I guess without Edward's mind reading abilities, the both of us were in for a surprise.

Edward stopped a couple of metres in front of us, his eyes on mine. I wasn't sure at that moment if I wished he could read my mind or if I was glad that he couldn't. I definitely wished I could read his though.

Quite suddenly, his eyes flashed to Emmett intently, and I could only assume Emmett had communicated something telepathically to him. After only a very brief pause Edward nodded and returned his gaze to me.

Without a word, Emmett had fled from my side and towards the Cullens' house, slamming the door closed behind him, leaving Edward and I staring across at each other, both with a hint of caution.

I'm not sure how long we stood there like that, though it must have been a lot shorter than it felt, or else we would have been there for hours.

But eventually, Edward took a single step towards me, again cautiously.

I had no idea what to say, so waited instead for him to come out with something, I was certain he'd have a few things to say.

I don't know why I'd expected him to have change in all the months that I had been gone, because of course he hadn't. Not at all. Same messy bronze hair, same curious eyes that were today verging on black, same physique, same everything. At least physically, because as far as I was concerned the way he thought, at least, the way he thought about me, could be entirely different. Or entirely the same.

The way I felt about him was probably the only thing about me that hadn't changed, at least as far as I could tell.

He smiled suddenly, I couldn't be entirely sure that it was entirely sincere as I could not bring myself to analyse his eyes too closely for fear that I would discover something I wouldn't like. It didn't help that the smile on his face was almost timid – so unlike Edward – nothing like the crooked grin I was so used to.

He took another small step forward. Another again, until he was close enough to wrap his arms – very gently I might add – around my frame. He rested his head lightly on top of mine and his thumbs made small strokes on my back.

I allowed myself to relax a little. I buried my face into his shoulder, hanging my arms loosely around him, though clutching his shirt with my hands tightly.

We were still being cautious. I was glad, because I was feeling ridiculously self-conscious.

"I think," he started softly; "we need to talk somewhere away from prying ears." He suggested.

I nodded, showing my agreement, though I would have been content to just stay as we were a while longer. It felt natural to just be held by him again.

"Where do you want to go?" he asked and paused waiting for me to respond. When I didn't he suggested, "We could go to our meadow? If you want?"

I considered this. Obviously, at some point I wanted to return to our secluded place that let Edward and I be just that and just sit in the peace. Something was telling me now wasn't the time to pay our meadow a visit; I needed things with us to be sorted before we went there.

We couldn't go back to Charlie's. He might not be home for hours, but for all I knew Edward and I would be talking for twice that long, I wasn't sure how Charlie would feel about coming home to finding Edward there with me. On the other hand, Emmett did promise we could beat Charlie home; that was that settled then.

I shook my head at his suggestion, hoping he would understand. "We can go to mine?" I offered, "I need to beat Charlie home anyway, I didn't really get the chance to leave him a note or anything. I just don't want him to worry..." I trailed off certain I wouldn't need to expand on my explanation.

He pulled away from me slightly, his arms still around me, so that now he could look down into my face. He smiled softly, but more sincerely this time and nodded, "He wouldn't mind finding me there when he returned?" he asked.

Normally, I would have been surprised he'd even have to ask that question; he knew it was considered none of Charlie's business whether he was there or not, I was an adult. However, in the circumstances, I wasn't even sure myself what Charlie would think and how I felt about that realisation.

I chewed on my lower lip in consideration, "I don't know." I told him honestly, "I guess he won't be thrilled, but I'm hoping he'll appreciate that I don't really want to be alone for too long." And Edward's company in my eyes would have been particularly welcome too after so long and so much confusion.

"As long as you're sure." He said, looking down at me curiously, taking a brief pause, "Let's go." He added, releasing his hold on me, but gently trailing his hand down my arm to take my hand. I looked down tentatively, but only for a second before I returned the grasp, my fingers folding over his in the familiar action that was somewhat comforting.

I wasn't going to get my hopes up too high just yet though.

He took me over to the Cullen garage and I smiled in relief when I saw the same shiny silver Volvo in its normal place. As Edward reached for the handle of the passenger door, and looked up at my face, which was still smiling down at the car. I turned my gaze back to his face when he reached up and tucked my hair behind my ear. He looked almost relieved that I hadn't stopped him. This was going to take a little getting used to, though I was hoping this wouldn't last long enough for that to be necessary.

"What are you smiling at?" He asked curiously, though the smile evident through his voice.

I continued to smile back at him, "I'm so glad you didn't get a new car." I responded, he shook his head and finally, I got a look at his signature crooked grin that I loved so much.

He pulled open the door and let me in before, as quick as a flash, he was around the other side in the drivers seat ready to go before I'd even put on my seat belt.

He still drove ridiculously fast and though slightly terrifying, it was also another reminder that things here weren't that different. I needed that reassurance, even in just the smallest aspects of my life, Edward's driving being one of them.

We pulled up on the empty driveway to my house and headed inside. Seeing the driveway empty made me wonder what had happened to my truck. I was definitely going to miss it if it was no longer in Charlie's possession. It was almost surprising that I hadn't considered it before now, though I supposed I hadn't had a need for it yet.

I cleared that from my mind, it was something to bring up with Charlie later. There were more pressing matters to be dealt with now.

I opened the front door and allowed him to go in ahead of me; he could decide where it was we talked. It bugged me though that I was pretty sure the cereal bowl from earlier was still sat idly on the kitchen table, and oddly, I dreaded the idea that he would see it and look on it in disgust. I didn't like that the thought of it bothered me either; it was so trivial.

He turned into the sitting room and seated himself on the sofa, leaving plenty of space for me either side of him.

I followed his lead, sitting at his side and looked at him curiously, as he did the same.

"You know, as much as I'd like to, I can't sit here staring at you all afternoon." He grinned after a short while, and I nodded in agreement.

"Sorry." I paused, taking a deep breath, looking briefly down at my hands which rested in my lap, before returning my gaze to meet his, "Really, truly sorry." I added sincerely, hoping he would catch on that I was no longer referring to the same incident.

He furrowed his brow in confusion "What for?"

I hesitated, looking into his eyes, searching for some hint at his thoughts. All I could see was confusion. I smiled tentatively before elaborating.

"I'm sorry for believing James actually had my mother and disappearing for months and-" I was cut off by Edward's finger pressing delicately against my lips.

He shook his head at me, smiling. He held his finger there for a moment before he let his arm drop back down by his side.

He sat back and rested his head on the back of the sofa, and I twisted my body where i sat to get a better look at him. His eyes returned instantly to mine and it took so much effort not to lean forward and kiss him seeing his eyes as they were. I berated myself and instead leaned back on the sofa too, so we were directly opposite each other and I waited for him to speak.

"You don't need to be sorry." He told me, "If anyone needs to apologise it's me." He stated.

I looked at him confusedly and as though he actually could read my mind, he elaborated, "I couldn't" he paused in thought, shaking his head at himself, before taking a deep breath, "I wasn't able to protect you from James, I couldn't track Victoria once we had lost her – I tried to track her, but I don't have the ability like James does." He explained delicately.

He paused again and reached over to take my hand hesitantly, and in return I threaded my fingers through his, giving his hand a light squeeze which he returned.

"I'm sorry that I didn't come with the rest of my family to find you and I'm sorry it was you who had to seek me out and not the other way around and that I've been selfish, worrying about how I felt when I should have been more concerned about you."

He was being sincere, I could tell, and the hoard of emotions welling up inside me was becoming overwhelming. Although curiosity lingered, making me want to ask him a whole host of questions about what he had just said, but mainly I just wanted to hug him.

Taking our intertwined hands, I pulled his arm around my back and twisted myself so I could wrap my arms tightly around his neck, resting my chin on his shoulder. After an almost unnoticeable second, he responded, bringing his free arm around me and holding him to me tightly.

I built up the confidence to place a short, soft kiss on his cheek; though why I needed to gain confidence was beyond me, this seemed like a surreal mix of feelings for me to have around Edward that I'd have to get used to again I supposed.

It did momentarily seem dignified however, when he reached up and pulled my arms from around his neck, gently yet firmly. He must have noticed the disappointment in my expression, because he smiled at me and placed his hands gently at my waist. He adjusted his position so that his legs were now spread across the length of the sofa and tugged softly at my shirt so that I leaned forward as he lay back and we lay facing each other in the very cosy space.

He took my hand in his again, pulling it up to hold it against his chest.

My face flushed and I looked downwards at where our joined hands rested. "You don't have to be sorry for that. I'm grateful that you tried to track down Victoria, even if she found me anyway, at least you made the effort to try. I wouldn't mind though if you told me why you didn't do any of those things." I paused and whispered, "If you don't mind, that is."

He bought his free hand up to rest it on my cheek and I raised my eyes to meet his. There was a lot of feeling in the dark depths of his eyes, and I knew it would be easy to get lost staring into them.

"I do need to apologise." He replied "I was selfish and there were times I made myself into the victim, when I should have been concerned about your well being above anything else."

"Please don't compare me to being the victim; I don't think I could bear it." I retorted.

He squeezed my hand again, "I'm sorry. You know what I mean though. I guess that's partly why I didn't come to see you; because I was being selfish. Are you sure you don't mind talking about this?" He asked me with some concern.

"Does it have to do with what happened?"

"Yes, it does."

I nodded, "I want to know." I was surprised how full of conviction my voice was, but I stayed strong, because I really did want to know.

He nodded once before continuing "Okay, well, I know what everyone else knows about what happened while you were with James. I'm sure you were aware of that though. I found I was hurt by what I learnt, though I tried to be rational, knowing that you weren't there by choice and you didn't have much choice about it, my irrational mind was jealous. I couldn't bear the thought of it, so very selfishly, I thought it would be better that I stayed away, that you wouldn't want to see me anyway.

"I was disgusted on a number of levels. With myself mainly of course, for thinking the way I was, but also with James for what he was making you do and in a way, for a while... as much as I hate to admit it, I was disgusted with you for doing it. There were a few things I realised about myself while you were gone Bella, one being the extent of my selfishness, another being that I'm a hopeless traditionalist and another-"

He paused, his eyes widening as he saw the first tear roll down my cheek. I couldn't hold the tears in any longer, I had the most awful feeling that he was about to tell me that he couldn't be with me anymore because he couldn't put his feelings about what had happened behind him and then that would be it; he'd be out of my life, and I don't think I could've handled that, even if I was glad that he was being honest. At least the tears would hold off those words long enough.

Instantly, he released my hand and pulled me towards him, allowing me to bury my head in my hands against his chest. He rested his head on top of mine and pulled us into a mildly more upright position.

Instead of finishing his explanation, he apologised profusely and sincerely as my tears dampened a small patch of his shirt.

I took several deep breaths in an attempt to calm myself, helped by Edward's embrace and the feel of his comfort.

Once the tears had stopped, I pulled away from him slightly, "What were you going to say?" I asked tentatively, staring at his chest, not able to look into his eyes again.

"Bella?" He said and instinctively I looked up at him and he smiled, "That's better, I've gone far too long without seeing your face and I would like to make the most of it now." He pushed my hair behind my ear, "I was going to say that I realised nothing would ever stop me from loving you."

I could tell my surprise at his words showed on my face when he looked quizzically at me.

"Really?" I asked, uncertainly.

He placed a soft kiss on my forehead and on the tip of my nose, before looking me straight in the eyes, and even I couldn't mistake the love there, "I love you, Bella. I understand if you can no longer return it, with everything I've just said but it's true, I love you."

I placed my hand on his chest, and smiled, "I-" I paused, taking a deep breath, "I love you too."

He smiled brightly and hugged me to him once more.

Before long though, Edward pulled us into an upright, seated position with a small but noticeable gap between us. I raised an eyebrow at him questioningly, but before he could answer, the front door opened and I realised I must have missed the sound of Charlie's cruiser pulling up in the drive.

He came and stood in the doorway, looking between Edward and I steadily, though he said nothing.

"Hey, Bells" He said looking at me before turning his attention to Edward, "Edward." He said with a nod.

"Chief Swan." Edward responded politely with a smile.

"Everything okay, Dad?" I asked.

He nodded, folding his arms across his chest and leaning against the door frame, "Didn't find anything new on the bear situation today though." He said and I noticed Edward tense slightly, "You staying for dinner?" Charlie asked Edward.

He hesitated, "I should probably be heading back soon, Chief Swan, thank you." He responded politely.

Charlie nodded head, "I'll leave you to it then, Bells." He said with a tight smile before turning towards the kitchen.

Edward stood up then, saying that he should probably leave Charlie and I alone, though I was persistent, he was adamant.

I told Charlie that I was just going to say goodbye to Edward as we headed out the front door and went to stand by his Volvo. We stood facing each other, almost awkwardly as though we had just started going out again.

He eventually leaned towards me, I assumed to place a kiss on my cheek, but froze midway.

I opened my mouth to ask him what was wrong, but he placed his finger to his lips, signalling me to stay silent as his attention turned towards the woods outside my house.

His eyes narrowed and he turned his attention back to me.

"There's someone else here." He told me, "And I'm pretty sure that someone is James."


	20. Chapter 20

**Chapter 19**

There was nothing I could have hoped for less at that moment. As soon as the words left Edward's mouth, I felt tears begin to fall down my cheeks. It must have been countless times by now that I had cried over James, and I had thought I would never do so again.

His presence didn't surprise me. There was something lingering in the back of my mind that I had tried to suppress which had made me suspect that he would at some point be back in my life. It was however, amongst the fear and dread, the hint of relief that surprised me most. It was far from being my dominant emotion, but I recognised it nonetheless.

I raised my hand to my face, covering my mouth as though it would prevent any sobs that were yet to erupt. As tears grazed my fingertips, Edward placed a kiss to my forehead before stepping in front of me, facing what I assumed to be James' direction.

He began whispering – only as loud as if he were whispering a secret to a human stood right in front of him – though he was clearly addressing James. I couldn't make out the entirety of what he said; it wasn't as though my concentration was particularly focused on what he was saying. From what I heard however, it sounded as though Edward had firmly suggested that James not make himself seen and that he would rather avoid a direct confrontation here and now, particularly as I was present.

He seemed to stiffen as he received James' response, growing more tense and irate the more he heard. I wish I'd known what was being said.

With nothing else to be done, I stepped forward, so I was pretty much in line with Edward and took his hand, threading my fingers through his. It was a small hope that the reminder of how close I was would ease the tension slightly, if at least to protect me from harm's way, but I took the chance anyway.

He did seem to ease slightly at our contact, though he wasn't exactly relaxed.

"Edward?" I started, "What's going on?" I asked.

He looked at me out of the corner of his eye cautiously before sighing and, with his free hand, reaching up to pinch the bridge of his nose between his thumb and index finger, his eyes squeezed closed.

Once he had made the attempt to calm himself, he turned to me again and explained steadily "He wants to see you. He won't come out here, but he's not going to go away until he's seen you."

I took a deep, shuddering breath at the thought. Sensing my distress, Edward untangled our fingers and put his arm around my shoulders, pulling me into his side. I wrapped my arms around his waist, clinging to his shirt and resting my cheek against his chest.

I wondered if James was watching me now; I didn't know exactly where he was; only that he was near enough for Edward to hear him in the woods. Outside my house. Once again, James had the upper hand.

A flurry of memories and emotions of my months with James that I had been trying in vain to block out came flooding back at full force. The confusion at being so happy and yet so terrified to see him walk into the room. The isolation and loneliness I felt at being locked in the small, dark room for hours at a time. The pain and bruises left after his punishments for the most ridiculous rules and reasons. The despair at almost having lost my life on more than one occasion whilst under his captivity, both by him and by Victoria. I felt sick with panic then.

I escaped forcefully from Edward's hold. I knew he was surprised by my response – even I was – but I wasn't going to explain my thoughts to him, and I know he had more respect than to ask.

I began to pace swiftly, a short way and back again. I needed to get a hold on myself, and fast. I could feel my hands begin to shake and I impatiently curled them into fists before shaking them off in frustration. When these attempts seemed futile, I focused on controlling my breathing _deep breath in. Deep breath out. _It was just like the beginning all over again.

I shook my head, as though all my negative thoughts would be lost in the action. Surprisingly, it did help to an extent.

_Come on Bella_ I thought to myself as I paced, _it wasn't all awful. It got better._

It was then that I was able to regain my composure, the shaking slowing and my breathing returning to normal. It really hadn't all been that awful.

There were times, especially in the beginning, when I would have done anything to escape his clutches, no matter what; that's how awful it had been. With time though, the situation in his captivity improved, and though it could have just been described as adapting or growing numb to the effects, I don't think that's all it was. I think it genuinely became more bearable.

It was far from ideal, of course. Though I remembered how happy I'd been that he'd reduced my restrictions, even taken me outside; it had been wonderful to enjoy the outside after so long. He had been gentle – sometimes. He'd killed Victoria – who had been his companion – to save me. I did get an oddly warm feeling whenever I thought of James in this light. It may have been less often than the more disturbing aspects of my being with him, but it happened nonetheless.

I took one final deep breath to ensure that I was in control of myself once again before returning to Edward, who was watching me quizzically.

He took my hand before asking tenderly "Are you okay, Sweetheart?"

I exhaled heavily in relief before I smiled a small smile at him, "Better now, thanks. Sorry, I just needed to" I paused in consideration, "calm down."

He considered me briefly then, before he nodded once briskly and took me into an embrace. I relaxed into his hold once again, though I couldn't help thinking about the fact that James was almost definitely watching.

I wondered what he was thinking.

I sighed and buried my face in Edward's shirt, taking in the smell of him to try and fill my mind with only him.

"Bella." Edward whispered, his lips at the top of my head. I released my grip on him slightly so I could pull back and look him in the eyes. He smiled down at me briefly, "We can't stay here all day."

I sighed disappointedly and nodded, pulling myself out of his embrace entirely.

I looked back at my house, then towards the woods before finally returning my eyes to Edward. He cocked his head to the side as he looked back at me.

"What?" I asked self-consciously.

He smiled, "I was just thinking what I'm going to do with you." He replied teasingly and then, more seriously, "And James for that matter."

I averted my gaze downwards, wishing we didn't need to confront this particular issue, now or ever.

Without much other choice, I thought about what I considered to be the possible options: I could just ignore him. I could return to my house, eat dinner with Charlie, maybe join him and watch some television, go to bed, wake up, go see Edward or Jacob perhaps. Forget that he'd ever been here. Possible, yes, but now that I knew he was here I wouldn't be able to put it out of my mind that easily. Besides, he might not even conceal himself, I might see him at my window when I go to bed tonight or next time Charlie leaves me home alone.

If not that option then two: I could leave Edward to confront him. I'm sure Edward could handle James, if not alone with Emmett and maybe Jasper – however many of the Cullens it took to get rid of him. Whether I could truly be okay with James being hurt was debatable. He may have been cruel, but he wasn't pure evil and he could have been more brutal to me.

Or maybe, the sensible option would be to just go and see him. It was however, a bit of a risk since neither me or Edward knew what he wanted or what would happen if I confronted him. Also, would it be wiser for Edward to accompany me if I saw him or not? Probably. I wasn't sure how Edward would react if I were to suggest this to him, but I would have bet money on him not being thrilled by it.

I looked back at Edward, who raised his eyebrows curiously as I did so. I spared a glance at the woods once more before I asked, "James wants to see me?"

Edward paused briefly before he answered cautiously, "Yes, he does."

I nodded, "Well then, maybe we should just let him."

"You can't be serious!" Edward exclaimed, "After what he did to you, after everything he put you through, you can't consider putting yourself in danger."

"What else can we do?" I retorted, "If he's not going to leave unless he sees me, then it makes sense. There's no point fretting over what he might want or what he'll do, we may as well find out for ourselves to save the worry. Don't suggest that you can take care of him, because that's not the answer, maybe if we knew his intentions were harmful, but we don't. I wasn't going to go alone, you can come with me. I bet with forever to wait, he's not going to be put off by a bit of a wait. I don't have forever, remember?" I added.

His eyes widened at the suggestion; I knew that would hit a nerve. He sighed in irritation, debating with himself over what to do, but I knew he could see some logic in my argument.

When he began shaking his head, ready to argue, I placed my hand on his cheek, making him look me in the eyes, "Edward, _please_."

He didn't say anything for a long moment, looking defeated and I knew I'd persuaded him. He placed his hands on my hips and pulled me closer, "Are you sure you want to see him again, Bella?" he asked.

"I'm sure that it's necessary." I answered honestly, and when I saw him look doubtful again, I kissed him on the lips to stop his doubt growing more intense.

When I pulled back, I raised my eyebrows, daring him to say anything and he remained silent. I smiled at him and kissed him once more, more forcefully this time, wrapping my arms around his neck. I'd forgotten how good this felt.

His cool lips moved urgently against mine and his arms tightened around my waist, our bodies pressed together. My fingers toyed with the hair on the back of his neck and I sighed in content when he deepened the kiss.

And then it stopped. Without any warning, Edward tensed and swiftly untangled himself from me. My face flushed bright red in embarrassment, remembering his rule about keeping our physical relationship within certain limits. I bowed my head, hiding my face in my hands just to give myself something to do.

Almost instantly, Edward was taking my hands, pulling them gently back down to my sides, placing his finger under my chin and raising my head to meet his gaze again.

"I'm sorry." I told him, "I know it got carried away-" I started but he cut me off by placing a finger to my lips.

"It's not you." He told me, "James was thinking... things at me." He explained and the colour returned to my face at full force. He didn't need to tell me what things it was that James was thinking.

If this wasn't humiliating – amongst other things – then what was?

"I'm sorry." I repeated, but Edward shook his head.

"It's okay, Sweetheart." He paused "But maybe we should get this over with?"

I nodded in agreement took one more reassuring deep breath. Edward smiled his crooked grin at me and placed a kiss to the top of my head, "I've missed you, Bella." He told me and I blushed.

He took my hand then and led me towards the woods. I spared a glance back at my house to make sure that Charlie wasn't watching from one of the windows, aware that he would be mortified if he knew that I was about to face my captor. Luckily he was no where in sight.

When we reached the outer trees, Edward slowed his pace, probably for my benefit, to manoeuvre through the trees. In all honesty, it wasn't particularly hard to believe that I'd trip on something and face plant the dirt floor.

We didn't need to walk very far, just a little off the path, far enough away from the house that to my vision it had become quite small but I would have imagined that for James with his heightened senses, it would have been a clear view.

When Edward pulled us to a stop, I couldn't see James anywhere. We were in a small, open space surrounded by a circle of trees towering over us. My eyes fanned out across the area in which we stood, half expecting James to jump out at us at any second, despite the absurdity of it considering Edward could read his mind and see where he was. Edward squeezed my hand, easing my fidgeting slightly.

We waited silently for a few moments before James revealed himself, on the far side of the clearing, behind quite possibly the widest tree around, he took a single step to the left, just enough that he was no longer concealed.

Instinctively, I shielded myself with Edward when James took a step in my direction; it wasn't any more threatening or intimidating, but I couldn't help myself. As soon as he noticed my retreat however, he froze, looking shocked, before he plastered a neural expression on his face, not advancing further towards us.

We stood looking at each other silently, waiting for the other to break the silence.

Finally, James did, "Edward." He said, his gaze on Edward, who did not respond or acknowledge James' address.

James nodded once, accepting that Edward was unlikely to say more than was necessary to him. With that, his attention turned to me. He smiled slightly, his expression softening I imagined so as not to scare me anymore.

"Bella." he said.

I nodded back at him and attempted to verbally respond, but my breath caught in my throat, leaving me unable to produce anything coherent. Instead, I forced my lips sealed again and ducked my head, looking down at where mine and Edward's hands were joined.

"What do you want, James?" Edward asked then, refusing to beat around the bush.

James raised an eyebrow at him smugly, "You already know what I want. You knew the minute I laid eyes on her." James retorted, knowing that Edward had been reading his mind.

"True." Edward replied without emotion, "But I'd like you to say it out loud."

I chewed nervously on my lower lip, not sure I really wanted to hear it.

In the silence that followed, I turned my attention back to James. His eyes were too on me once again and all of a sudden I felt very heavy, as though the weight of his stare was physically affecting me. I wondered if I had made a wise choice in coming to see him, but I _had _made this decision, and I wasn't one to back down, no matter how much of a wimp I was being.

"Fine." James started impatiently, "I want to talk to Bella, alone. Here if that's convenient, or if it's not really."

I began shaking my head furiously, but was still unable to speak in order to argue my case against this suggestion. I squeezed Edward's hand, hoping it would cause him to glance in my direction, but he – and his fellow vampire I might add – didn't give me a thought.

"Well now you've said it, I'm afraid I'm going to have to decline your request."

"And for what reason would that be?" James asked, whether it was out of curiosity or sarcasm I wasn't sure.

"You expect me to put her in danger by leaving her here with you?" Edward asked rhetorically, "That's not going to happen."

"She was left alone with me for several months quite recently in case you had forgotten. Yet here she is, perfectly fine."

"You truly believe her to be fine?" Edward retorted but I'd had enough of the two of them talking over me already.

"Edward!" I exclaimed angrily, "Let's not go there." and then I took a deep breath before turning my attention to James. He was looking at me intently, his head cocked to the side curiously as Edward had done earlier. I licked my lips nervously before I asked shakily "Please James, what do you want?" I asked, sounding almost exhausted, which wasn't strictly untrue; I was ready to get the hell out of there.

"I just told you what I want."

I shook my head in irritation, growing a little more confident in talking to him, "You can talk to me now with Edward here."

James grinned in a menacing way, "It's private."

I sighed once more, looking briefly towards Edward before my attention returned to James. I considered what James was saying and realised that perhaps it would just be best to confront James alone.

I would have to ensure that Edward were near enough to know if anything went wrong of course, but I could handle James. Maybe. I wondered how easy it would be to convince Edward to do what James asked a second time.

I turned to face Edward, making sure James couldn't distract me in any way, and tugged his arm hoping that it would encourage him to do the same. It took a moment but he complied. He was frustrated I could tell, but I hoped he would listen to me one more time because it wasn't as though I could force him to leave other wise.

"Maybe I should talk to him alone." I whispered, though it was pointless; James' proximity and hearing abilities would have allowed him to hear loud and clear anyway. In response to my suggestion Edward growled menacingly and I paused, staying silent for a moment in order to give him an exasperated look.

"We agreed that I would come with you. I'm not leaving now." Edward growled; a deep, rumbling sound. His eyes darkened angrily and I found myself trying to release my hand from his grasp.

"Edward, please let me go." I begged.

Hearing the distress in my voice, he calmed himself instantly, thankfully releasing the hold he had on my hand. I clasped my hands together and held them to my face, trying to hide my facial expression of fear from him. I was still sensitive emotionally to what was happening around me.

Edward shook his head as though to clear it and I could see the regret in his eyes as he looked at me.

"Bella, oh, Bella I'm so sorry." He said, sincerely, "I'm so sorry, Sweetheart, I didn't mean to forget myself." He said, almost as though he was pleading with me to understand.

I could do nothing but nod. I wasn't angry or afraid anymore, but it was a shock to the system to see Edward reacting so strongly and considering recent events, it had frightened me, though rationally I knew Edward would never do anything to hurt me.

He reached his hand out to me slowly, trying not to startle me, and I stared at it. I neither encouraged his action or discouraged it, to be honest; I did just want a small touch, that would be enough to reassure me. When he placed his hand on my arm, I stepped towards him, grasping once more at his shirt for comfort. I was on a bit of an emotional rollercoaster.

"How touching." James commented sarcastically, tired of waiting for us.

Edward pulled away, placing his hands on my shoulders and looking directly into my eyes. He smiled at me and mouthed "okay", nodding his head gently. I looked at him puzzledly but then he backed away and said "I won't be far away, I promise" before sparing a warning glance at James and disappearing into the trees.

I felt very exposed without Edward's presence here.

James smiled brightly at me, evidently happy to be alone with me once more. He forced his hands into his pockets and took another step forward.

I crossed my arms over my chest, as though the action would protect me from any harm he may cause. I eyed him cautiously, but it didn't seem to deter him; he took another step towards me, causing me to close myself off further.

He shook his head, "I thought we'd got past this, Bella." he sighed in disappointment, "You should know by now that I don't wish to bring you harm; I could never." He explained further.

I didn't respond, I knew he was telling the truth, but instinctively I couldn't allow myself to take down what little defences I had. After a moment's silence, in the blink of an eye at vampire speed, James was stood in front of me, his face less than an inch away from mine.

His breath fanned out across my face as he whispered "Why are you so scared of me now?"


	21. Chapter 21

**Right, FINALLY we are at the final chapter. Thanks for being patient, there will be a short epilogue to follow in the next couple of days - and it WILL be in the next couple of days. Enjoy!**

**Chapter 20**

I tried not to cower at either the question or his unexpected closeness. The success of my attempt however seemed minimal, as though my instincts were making a point in response. I wish I'd keyed in the more rational part of my brain in time to stop it.

At my response, James inched away – though only slightly – and I saw his face visibly harden.

All of my effort went into keeping my eyes on his face. I didn't want to anger him for fear of what he may do if I did. I also didn't really want to speak, for much the same reason, though I knew reasonably that if I didn't speak to him, he would be mad anyway.

As he raised his eyebrows, demonstrating calmly that he was waiting for an answer, I considered his question.

The first thoughts that came to my head were that he had lured me under false pretences to the dance studio in Phoenix, kidnapped me, isolated me in a strange place that I still didn't know, beat me, abused me and fed from me. I had been lucky to escape, especially without any serious or lasting physical injuries. The emotional scars were still a problem, and I couldn't believe that they would simply disappear any time soon. I was having to adjust to being with the one person I could be completely myself around and I felt awful for having left my family and few friends in such a state of worry for so long – despite it being James' fault. He had confused me with his unexpected change in behaviour and though it was appreciated at the time, now I was free again, I felt vulnerable thanks to it.

Honestly, I thought the answer should be obvious, and I told him as much, with a shaky voice.

He shook his head disbelievingly, as though he was ready to dispute that what he had done in the months I'd been in his captivity were not liable to induce fear.

"Did you feel fear towards the end?" he asked, but there was no feeling behind the question.

I considered that too. Honestly, I hadn't. It was almost a relief when I realised I could stop being afraid all the time. I allowed myself to be somewhat comfortable around him, simply because it made my life there easier to handle. By that point, there really was no point to fear him anymore, but that didn't change what had happened before.

"Not at the end," I whispered my reply. I considered elaborating to explain myself, but I realised that it was actually the last thing I wanted to do, given I had no way of knowing how he would take it. Instead, I kept my mouth firmly shut, waiting for him to respond.

He smiled, almost triumphantly, "Then your fear now is irrational."

I considered that, too. Perhaps, from his perspective that made sense; he too had become used to my being relaxed around him and since the last time I saw him, the only difference is that I was now free from his captivity.

That was just the problem though: I had escaped. Any positive progress we had made would have, at least as my logic goes, reverted back to the beginning, fuelled by bitterness that I chose to leave. Or bitterness that I had managed to leave without any intended consequence.

I tried to think of a way of phrasing it without offending, and all I could come up with was an uncertain "You're angry." Not a question, but a statement.

He seemed to need to think about that one. Perhaps he was considering how I'd reached that conclusion, or considering how to react. Maybe the fact that I had said it out loud had merely enhanced his anger and he was attempting to reign it in.

Edward's mind reading ability would have come in handy right about then.

He stood up straight, without taking his eyes off of mine. He crossed one arm across his chest, and he raised his other hand to stroke his chin thoughtfully, as though he was having difficulty working out my logic. He held that pose for what felt like a long time, and I began to feel uncomfortable under his gaze.

"Do I seem angry to you?"

My eyes flitted towards the ground for a second before I reminded myself of one of his first rules: that I needed to maintain eye contact. Perhaps it was silly to hold those 'rules' in mind whilst I was free and no longer in his captivity, but I was unwilling to take the risk as it was.

I took a deep breath and really looked at him. Angry wasn't really the right word to use to describe how he seemed right now, a little impatient, perhaps, but not angry.

That didn't mean that he wasn't fuming beneath the surface. He was a vampire after all.

"Almost." I replied quietly.

"And what," he responded, his voice low, "do you mean by that?"

I resisted the urge to nibble nervously on my lower lip, "I think you seem to be waiting to be angry. You were – or maybe you want to be – but right now you're not." I paused and sighed heavily, not wanting to explain much further, but it was as though I had developed verbal diarrhoea and I couldn't stop, "I think I'm waiting for you to be angry as well. It seems the reasonable response to me, given everything. Actually, I think I'd quite like you to be angry."

He shook his head, looking almost amused. "You and I both know you don't want me to be angry."

I remembered the nights on end I spent sat alone in the dark, cold room, isolated and scared, having just suffered one of his punishments as a response to his anger. I squeezed my eyes shut tightly, trying to ban the images from my mind.

He was right; I didn't want him to be angry. But it was what my reasoning expected of him, simply because he was a vampire who had demonstrated his capability, both to become angry and to act on said anger without much thought.

Very slowly, as these thoughts came to mind, and seemingly quite on purpose, James stepped around me, and placed his hands lightly on my upper arms, barely holding on, but it was just enough to make me wary of his intent.

He squeezed down, briefly, before relieving the slightly pressure. He failed to remove his hands though, and I had to force myself to keep my breathing even and my mind calm.

"You think my intent is to hurt you in some way, don't you?" he whispered into my ear in what could have been a menacing way, but something about the way it was delivered made me question my fears.

I didn't respond, not knowing what to say. I didn't move, knowing his hands were still placed lightly on my arms. I was tempted to turn around, to see what he was doing, to read his face, but I didn't give in. I knew it was more than likely I wouldn't like what I saw.

He was silent, too. At least for a while. I didn't know what to make of that, but I didn't dare break the silence.

After some time, his hands drifted slowly down my arms, to grasp my wrists. The action was only brief, and before I knew it, he had released me, though he didn't come back around to face me. Part of me thought that he may have simply left in his silent way, but really, I knew that wasn't the case; he was still behind me.

I don't know how I knew for sure, but I did.

"You know," James eventually broke the curious silence, "your boyfriend" he sneered without a hint of subtlety "has been listening in on our conversation. Particularly rude, don't you think?"

I assumed there was a reason why he was mentioning this, not that I could work out what it was. How he even knew was a mystery, it was Edward with the mind reading abilities, not James. I supposed he probably knew where Edward was, and by that figured that he had in fact been listening. I wasn't going to continue the subject any further though, and continued to remain silent.

"You seem to have lost your feeling now you're home." James stated, and I wasn't sure whether to be insulted or not. "Are you really that worried about what I'll do? Or perhaps, your concerns lie more with what your boyfriend may hear."

I shook my head vigorously, still unsure of what to say, but eager to deny his mild accusations. I was getting a little fed up of his questions.

He came to stand facing me once more, then, and the look on his face showed his frustration. He glared at me, as though it would force me to respond – though the look he gave me could have been enough to do so had he maintained it long enough – before his face smoothed out, as though he was completely indifferent.

He smiled, and almost frighteningly bright smile at least in part at what must have been the look of shock on my face. He was feeling triumphant.

"It doesn't have to be today," he said as he realised it, "that you talk to me about this. I hope you know, Bella, that I'm not planning on going anywhere for a while. I don't care about your boyfriend or his family, or what attempts they or anyone else make to try and protect you from me." he explained "All I care about is you, and you _will _eventually give in to talking to me."

In a blink of an eye while I tried to process what he had said, he kissed me hard on the lips. In my shock, I couldn't move, though part of me didn't even want to. He wrapped his arms around me tightly, so I was unable to move, before he released me and backed away.

I blinked furiously, almost believing that the action might erase, or even allow me to forget what just happened, but it was – unsurprisingly – ineffective.

"What-" I began, hoping to ask what that was all about, but he cut me off with a finger to my lips.

"I knew that would get you talking." He told me, pleased with himself. "I'm going to leave you now, Bella. Don't worry though, this won't be the last you see of me, I'd keep an eye out, if I were you."

He paused, and leaned forward once more to press a kiss to my forehead, before he once again backed away. "Edward will come over when I'm out of sight. Until next time Bella." he said and then, in a blink of an eye he was gone.

But it wasn't permanent. I couldn't escape the fact that he wanted some form of connection to me, and I would have to wait to find out why.

It was then, waiting for Edward – who appeared only moments later – that I realised that no matter what I did, I would always be his captive.


	22. Chapter 22

**I think I'll speak to you at the end :)**

**Epilogue**

It had been a month since my run in with James and I had yet to see him. Though I knew he was there. His undeniable presence told me so.

When he'd left and Edward had taken his place, Edward had said nothing. Though I know he'd heard and seen everything through James' thoughts. His hesitance towards me told me so.

He'd walked me back home, and kissed me on the cheek, but his interactions with me did not surpass that. Instead he insisted that he had to be leaving and I still have no idea where he went. Maybe he confronted James. Maybe he didn't.

Our relationship resumed as normal the next time I saw him. At least, if you were on the outside you would've thought so.

We saw each other near enough every day, he was affectionate and we talked about anything and everything. He even took me to our meadow again, once and we spent hours in each other's company without getting bored.

But he was worried.

He must have known that James was still around. Even I knew, even without any advanced vampire senses, and I had yet to actually see him. We hadn't talked about it at all since, not about what James had said, why he was there, or even what he did and it was driving a small but noticeable wedge between us, as much as I hated to admit it.

As I lay in bed, thinking this all through, I realised that perhaps it should be my job to bring it up. I assumed that the reason he didn't want to talk to me about it was because he thought that I didn't want to, that it might affect my progress in some way. It can't have been worse than this, and was actually having the opposite effect, especially on nights like this, where Edward had gone on one of his 'hunting' trips, leaving me alone in the dark.

The unanswered questions I had for James were swimming around in my head, eagerly wanting to escape, but it was useless; they weren't going to be answered any time soon.

The wind was blowing outside, and it took a lot of effort not to jump the first time the sound whistled through my window. Especially with the knowledge that James was definitely out there, somewhere.

I was tempted to rush out of bed and pull the window completely shut, rather than leave it cracked open as it was, but I couldn't force myself to get out of the bed. It was as though the covers were acting as a protective force against any possible harm, a somewhat less effective comforter than Edward.

"Bella" I thought I heard a whisper of my name, though the rationality of that idea was poor as no one was about, and I could hear Charlie snoring in his room. But I knew it was more than my imagination toying with me. I had heard my name, from somewhere.

I squeezed my eyes shut, hoping to ignore it, all the while my instincts telling me it was time. That I knew who it was.

There was a gentle tap on my window and I jumped in shock, not because it was frightening, but because I didn't think this would happen. As I opened my eyes to slits however, I saw what I had thought I would: James holding himself up on the window ledge having – I assumed at least – scaled my walls Dracula style.

Hesitantly, I dragged myself over to the window, making sure I pulled my bed covers with me for my own sense of security.

"Can I come in?" He asked as I approached him, getting straight to the point, to which I shook my head cautiously; I may be curious, but I wasn't a complete idiot. "You're not going to let me in?" he asked again as though he was surprised, and once again I shook my head. We could talk as we were.

He seemed to consider this for a moment before he shrugged it off. "You had some questions for me, I believe?"

"Why are you here?" I asked, straight to the point. I didn't just mean now, and I hoped he knew how I meant it.

He smiled, "To answer your questions." He smiled, though it faded when he saw my glare and instead, he sighed and continued, "Because I wanted to see you, of course. You can get very used to someone's presence, you know."

I shook my head, "You kissed me! That was unnecessary. Why did you do that? You know Edward was nearby."

He smiled smugly, "I think the real question here, Bella, is why you let me. I kissed you because I wanted to and because Edward needed to know he had competition. If you were so worried about upsetting him, you shouldn't have let me do it."

That threw me off for a moment. I stared at him blankly, willing something coherent to come to mind. I didn't let him, I had no choice. Did I? I don't think he would have stopped if I'd asked him to, would he?

"It wouldn't have made a difference if I'd tried." I answered, though without much conviction.

He shook his head, "You might not believe me, but I wouldn't have made you. It would have hurt me if you had, but I would have stopped for you."

I didn't know how to take that. Whether it was the truth or not, I had no idea, but I didn't want to dwell on it. I had other questions to ask him, and no idea how long he was willing to stick around to answer them.

"Have you and Edward seen each other since?"

"Oh yes, we've had a few run-ins since our last meeting, Bella. He's very moody, isn't he?" he smirked, but when I simply stared at him, he rolled his eyes and continued, "Very sorry for hurting your boyfriend's feelings." He said sarcastically, "He hurt mine though, when his family took you away from me. I was enjoying your company, you know, and I know you were beginning to feel the same. I've simply told him that, and that I won't be giving up."

"Giving up on what? Why have you only just come now, why didn't you just come straight to me again rather than hurt him?" I asked, frustration bubbling up inside of me.

"Where's the fun in that?" he asked rhetorically, "Really, because I wanted you to want me to come back. I know you did, you've been waiting for me."

It was true, I had been, maybe not for the reasons he was expecting or even wanted, but I had been. I wasn't going to admit that and give him the satisfaction though.

Instead I simply said, "I love Edward." And left it at that.

He didn't respond instantly, he seemed to think it through over and over. After a while, he smiled, coming to some realisation.

"Perhaps." He paused, "But you love me too, I'm counting on it." And with that he waved once in parting and was out of sight, whilst I stood debating with myself whether or not he was right.

**Ok, so first off, I'm sorry that I took a lot longer than a couple of days to update... Uni life is HARD :/  
Secondly, thank you so much for all of you that have read the entire story, particularly those of you who have stuck it out from the get-go, you are all amazing. I've loved all of you who have given me encouragement, appraisal, constructive criticism, and willed me to continue writing even when it got tough and even just those of you who have bothered to even open this story in the first place.  
I hope you enjoyed reading the story... I almost can't believe it's over.  
Again, thank you :) **


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